Page 30

K ENDALL

“So let me get this straight.” Riley scoops up a mound of guacamole on her chip and waves it in the air.

“You more than like Nash, who obviously more than likes you. You have the best sex in the world, but you aren’t sure what to do about it.

” She shoves the loaded chip in her mouth and carries on with her mouth full.

“And for the record, Walker and I have the best sex in the world. But whatever.”

“That about sums it up. Minus the best sex debate.”

Rowan leans forward and pulls a cheesy chunk of chips off the top and puts it on her paper plate. “I don’t think sex has ever been the issue. With either of you.” She gives Riley and me a pointed stare. “What’s preventing you from taking the next step with Nash?”

“You mean besides us both being blatantly vocal a few weeks ago about not wanting or having time for a relationship?”

“That ship has sailed.” Riley refills our wine and clinks her glass against mine.

“Is this about Jason?”

Leave it to Rowan to see through me. This is why I sent the 911 text. I need to get it all off my chest and have them tell me what to do.

“Yeah. I’m emotionally damaged. I have trust issues that go deep, you know that.”

“It’s obvious Nash doesn’t have a secret family. You met his daughter and his parents. If there was a wife or a minivan of kids somewhere, they would have mentioned it by now,” Riley says.

“Maybe. But it’s not like they know anything is going on between us.”

“I call bullshit on that. Even Walker picked up on the googly eyes at Thanksgiving and again at Paisley’s party. He’s been asking me if something is going on between the two of you. More than your and Paisley’s adorable relationship.”

“I’d say Miles stole that title away from me. Did you see the two of them at the party?”

“We did, but that’s not why we’re here tonight.” Rowan redirects the conversation. “What is it you don’t trust about Nash?”

I sink back into the cushions and sigh. “Nothing.”

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” Rowan pats my knee.

“Because I saw nothing wrong with Jason for two years and you both were always so...I don’t know. You never loved him for me, but you were too kind to tell me about your doubts in him.”

“It’s because he was good at deception. Row and I couldn’t tell you we thought he was wrong for you without giving you reasons. We didn’t want to sabotage your relationship with him or with us.”

“I wish you had.”

“It wouldn’t have done any good. Without evidence, you would have been upset with Rowan and me for not liking your boyfriend and causing doubt. He was a master manipulator and liar. None of that is your fault.”

“Or yours. And this is what I worry about. What if Nash has some secret skeleton that we’re all fooled by because of his good looks and the way he treats his daughter?”

“He does have the hot daddy vibe going.” Rowan fans herself.

“You guys, he’s amazing with her. They love each other so much. Which is another roadblock. He told me he’d never make time for me because Paisley is his first priority, as she should be. But I don’t think I can handle being second. I was second for two years and didn’t even realize it.”

“This is different.” Riley pushes her plate aside and brushes her hands on her sweatpants. “You wouldn’t care about him if he didn’t put Paisley first. And he’s being upfront and honest about it. That’s what you’re looking for, isn’t it? Honesty?”

“Yeah, but for once, I’d like to be somebody’s first. Not at the expense of a child though.”

Rowan takes my hand that’s not holding my wine glass in hers.

“Someday, when and if you become a mother, when and if we all become mothers, we’ll want our children to be the top priority in our partners’ lives.

A man who doesn’t love his child is no man at all.

What makes a man a man , is when he treats his partner as an equal and gives her love while not sacrificing time or attention away from his family. ”

“Shit, Row. You should have gone into family therapy instead of pediatrics.”

“Follow your heart.” She squeezes my hand again. “No one can tell your heart who to love.”

“Easy there. I never said anything about love.”

“Why did you stay with Jason for two years?” she asks.

“Because I didn’t know he had a secret family.”

“Okay, besides that. Riley and I could see the sadness in your eyes when he’d travel for work.

The few times we all hung out, he never bonded with us or Jackson, and we knew it bothered you.

But you stayed with him, even if you weren’t head over heels in love with him.

You never looked at him the way you light up when Nash is in the room. ”

“And douchebag never smoldered the way Nash does when his eyes land on you. There’s nothing he can do to hide the eye fuckery. Rowan is on to something. What made you stay?”

I lift my shoulder and down the rest of my wine. “I honestly don’t know.”

“I think you enjoy being in a relationship.” Rowan curls her leg under her and leans against the back of the couch.

“You love to have fun and to be the life of the party, but at the end of the day, you like being with one person. Having someone to care for and having someone care for you. Despite your party girl rep, you like being in a committed relationship.”

“Fuck, Row. Your nursing degree was a fucking waste.”

She laughs, knowing very well I’m teasing. She’s an amazing nurse and has the best bedside manner.

“Have you told Nash how you feel?” Riley asks.

“I’m pretty vocal about how I feel when he’s fucking me.”

“Gah.” Rowan covers her ears with her hands. “My sweet, innocent ears.”

Rowan is no virgin, but she is a saint. When I get my shit figured out, I’m going to find her the nicest, kindest, gentlest man to fall in love with.

“I’m gonna bet Nash has changed his mind about not wanting to date anyone.”

I shake my head at Riley. “I don’t think so.

His schedule is crazy. You of all people know that.

When he’s home, he wants to be with Paisley.

I can’t expect him to get a babysitter a few nights a week to take me out to a fancy restaurant or to whisk me away on a weekend when he doesn’t have football.

His time with his daughter is precious.”

“And that’s why you’re so perfect for him.” Rowan pats my leg again. “You respect that he’s a dad first. There’s no reason why you can’t have dinner with him and Paisley. Do stuff with the three of you. From what you’ve told us, she goes to bed early and you can still have your sexy time.”

“If you’re dating for real, you can start having sleepovers. We all see how much Paisley adores you. She’d love waking up and finding you and her daddy in the kitchen making pancakes.”

Hell. That’s a pretty picture my friends are painting. I want to believe we could make this work, but my head keeps blocking my heart from going all in.

Nash has walls, and until they come down, I don’t think I’ll ever fully trust my heart to make good decisions.

But they won’t come down if I don’t give him a chance.

Fuck me. I’m going to have to talk about my feelings. Flirting, sex talk, sarcasm, crude jokes; that’s the easy stuff. Telling a man how I truly feel?

Fucking frightening.