Page 29

K ENDALL

After Paisley’s declaration of love and the warm looks Nash gave me all night, I had to hightail it out of his house as quickly as possible last night. Being on my period was only part of the reason.

We could have fooled around and done other stuff. I’d have loved to have his dick in my mouth again, but what's freaking me out is how much I love spending time with him and his daughter. Every time I’m with them, I find myself being drawn in deeper.

This is what I wanted to avoid. Why I proposed the friends-with-benefits relationship. I don’t trust my heart to make good calls anymore. I believed in Jason for too long and was blindsided by his betrayal. How could I have missed all the signs?

Never meeting his family, the weekends away. How sterile his apartment was.

While I highly doubt there’s a secret family tucked away, Nash still has secrets I’m not privy to. Not that I expect him to bare his soul to someone he’s sleeping with on the side. I’m curious about Paisley’s mother, though. How she fits into the picture, or why she doesn’t.

But there’s no reason for Nash to confide in me if we’re in a strictly sexual relationship.

Lately, he’s lowered his guard. He’s more at ease around me and not just with his body.

The touching at the Friendsgiving table last night.

The many times I caught him watching me at Walker and Riley’s.

Not out of curiosity and not necessarily in a sexual way.

I can tell the difference between lust and like.

He’s been watching me with more like lately.

And while it’s...nice, it’s also scary. I’m not in the right headspace to decipher between true feelings and something that’s not real.

Jason fucked me up in the head, and it pisses me off that I haven’t been able to shake his fuckery out of my system by now.

I avoid analyzing my feelings and spend Sunday with my sister and my mom. We grocery shop, do chores around the house, make dinner together, and watch America’s Funniest Videos .

It’s not until I’m driving to school Monday morning that the nervous jitters find their way to my stomach again. With the team in Los Angeles preparing for their game tonight, I don’t have to worry about seeing Nash today.

What worries me is how I’ll react when I see Paisley. Her parting words to me Saturday night have played over and over in my head.

I love you. There’s a small circle of people in my life who have said those words to me, and I to them.

My mom and sister on the regular, but that’s a different kind of love. Riley and Rowan, but it’s usually a drunk, love ya , we toss out. During the second year of our relationship, I said it daily to Jason, and he’d reply with, “You too, babe.”

Freaking red flags the size of a football stadium and I was none the wiser.

Paisley’s words, however, feel different. Different from my mother’s love but more similar to my sister’s, yet not.

She shocked me with her affection, but I wasn’t uncomfortable by her declaration. I craved her love, even though I didn’t realize it until after she spoke those words. It was innocent and genuine. Not forced because we’re related or tossed out haphazardly.

There was no motive or incentive. I believe Paisley really does love me, which makes my heart happy, but I also wonder about her mother and how she would feel about her daughter expressing her love to another woman.

If Paisley were mine, I’d be boiling with jealousy if she gave another woman as much affection as she gives me.

What surprised me most about the whole situation was Nash’s reaction. He didn’t clam up or push me away when Paisley said she loved me. Instead, he pinned me to the wall and asked me to stay, period and all.

He looked at me like he cared, but I thought Jason’s affection meant the same.

“Fuck.” I slam my car door and march inside the school, using my ID to unlock the security door.

I hate that Jason damaged my head and heart. I hate that he still has so much control over me, hence the reason I went on a slutty mission as soon as I met his wife.

I need a girls’ night with Riley and Rowan. They’ll talk sense into me. Either to ditch Nash and sow my wild oats to avoid having my heart crushed, or they’ll talk me into giving us a chance, because I’m fifty-six percent sure that’s what Nash is inching toward.

“Miss Kend–Wentworth!” Paisley shouts with excitement when she rushes down the hall to my classroom an hour later. “I’m wearing the hair ties you got me and the headband. Grammy said I couldn’t wear the dress to school, but I can change into it when I get home.”

“Your Grammy is right. The dress is much too pretty for school activities. And your ponytail is perfect.” I crouch in front of her and lower my voice. “But remember, we shouldn’t talk about the presents I got for you because it might hurt the feelings of our friends in class.”

“Okay. I won’t say anything,” she whispers loudly.

She makes good on her promise and only slips up one time calling me Miss Kendall but corrects herself immediately. When Beth and Joe pick her up at the end of the day, they treat me no differently than they have all year.

Friendly, genuine, respectful. They’re good people, and if they didn’t suspect anything happening between Nash and me, I’m sure hosting the party on Saturday convinced them otherwise. Even if Nash and I never crossed any lines. Hell, not even after everyone left.

Much to my dismay.

My fault. My issues.

“You went above and beyond for Paisley, Miss Wentworth. You’re a special woman, and we’re glad you’re in our son and granddaughter’s life.”

Well, that answers that. I don’t clarify that I’m currently only in Nash’s life for sexual favors. It hadn’t made me feel cheap before, but now I don’t like how it sounds or how my stomach turns in knots when I think of what we have as only sex.

Hell, I need a Riley and Rowan night.

“She’s a great kid,” I respond and give Paisley’s shoulder a squeeze when she takes Beth’s hand. “Have a good night, Humphries family.”

“Will you be watching the game?” Joe asks.

“Maybe. I have plans with my girlfriends.” Crap. Riley will definitely be watching Walker, which means my personal life may need to be put on hold for another night or two.

“I’m sure between you and Riley cheering them on, even from across the country, the boys will do well.”

As soon as they leave and I wave off my last student, I take out my phone and text the girls.

ME: I’m sending out a 911. Row. Please tell me you’re not working tonight. Nachos and wine at Riley’s? Desperate for advice.

Riley texts immediately.

RILEY: I can host since I’ll be glued to the TV anyway. Fair warning, I’ll be pausing, rewinding, and rewatching my sexy husband’s plays and may be distracted from the therapy session if the camera zooms in on his ass.

ME: You see his ass every day.

RILEY: I haven’t seen it in 58 hours!!!!!!!!!

ROWAN: Literally just ended my 12 hour shift. Do I need a power nap before our session? Or do we have our therapy session before the game. It doesn’t start until 8. I may not be fully alert.

I’m a shitty friend. Rowan hasn’t slept in forever and Riley’s husband is on Monday Night Football. Their thoughts are not going to be on my first world problem of whether or not I should pursue a relationship with the man I’m currently sleeping with and whose daughter loves me.

ME: Nevermind. We can reschedule. It’s not a big deal.

RILEY: You’d call bullshit on us if we responded like that.

ME: Seriously, my problems don’t need to interfere. Walker has a huge game tonight, and Row’s exhausted. My sex life will still be a topic for discussion on another day.

ROWAN: Power nap it is. I’ll be at your place by six. That work for you, Mrs. Bankes?

RILEY: Leaving work soon and will pick up the provisions. Pack an overnight bag. Kendall asking for sex advice means lots of wine.

ME: I didn’t say I needed sex advice.

RILEY: Mhm

ROWAN: I’m practically a virgin so I can’t offer much on that front, but I can be your voice of reason.

RILEY: Pretty sure Kendall only uses her voice to scream out, “Yes, Nash. Faster. Harder.”

ME: I hate you both. I’m calling Jackson and will watch the game with him.

RILEY: If you don’t show up at my house by 6, we’re crashing Jackson and Taylor’s. See you in two hours.

ROWAN: Love ya.

There’s no going back now.