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Chapter Forty-Two

Hallie

I cried myself to sleep, unable to get my head around the fact my life is such a mess. My son is hurt because of me and my choices, and yet, no matter how much I hate that, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

From the first night I had with Rocco, there was a connection, something beneath those dark eyes of his had me hooked. Maybe it was the softness that felt reserved solely for me, maybe it was his touch that ignited flames I never knew existed, or maybe it was the way his eyes devoured me, owned my body, and stole my heart with his need to protect and keep me.

I know he acted on instinct and almost hit Matt due to his poor choice of words. My son has never spoken to me that way before, and I doubt he will speak to me that way again. He couldn’t apologize enough when Rocco left, and it broke my heart hearing those apologies. He’s nothing like Gerrard, and the fact he felt like he was for speaking to me like that reiterated how different they are.

Matty is a soft soul with a gentle heart. It’s another reason I left Gerrard. I didn’t want his masochistic and poisonous tongue depicting such a vile representation as to how men should treat women.

When I held him close to my chest as we cried together, I told him I was sorry. The disappointment in his eyes had me second-guessing my entire future, but I remained steadfast for the sake of my baby. When he told me he needed space, my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I didn’t just lose my son, but I lost my husband too.

Then I showered, hoping to wash away the feeling of guilt, and crawled into bed to let the tears fall into the pillow until I couldn’t cry anymore.

I roll onto my side and become acutely aware of someone in the room. My heart catches in my throat as his scent filters through my bloodstream. He’s here, and only now am I realizing he’s done this before.

How many nights has he done this? Crept into my room and left me with trepidation in my veins while I remained disorientated and paranoid.

His words from the doctor’s office come back to haunt me like pieces of a puzzle I’m only now stupidly putting together.

“She had sleeping pills.” Did he drug me to watch me sleep? Or did he do more?

Images flash in my mind at all the positions he recorded us in. Some I don’t remember being in. The items in his bedroom tell me Rocco has been obsessed with me far longer than I was ever truly aware.

“You drugged me,” I whisper as I open my eyes and latch onto him in the chair in the corner of the room. His broad legs spread wide, his signature knife lies on his thick thigh, and his white T-shirt stretches over his shoulders. His eyes trail up to mine, and there’s an edge to them, one I know all too well, one that has wetness gathering between my legs as my nipples peak, begging for his touch.

“I did,” he confirms, with not one ounce of regret in his tone. “I wanted you compliant and full of my baby.”

I sit up and the sheets pool at my waist, exposing my tits to him, just the way he likes.

He licks his lips like a predator full of hunger and promise.

A breathy, desperate sound leaves me, which is crazy, considering he just admitted to drugging me, but my body responds with desire. “What else did you do?”

The lengths he’s gone to should terrify me, but instead, they ignite a spark inside me, bursting to explode.

“I jerk off in your lotion so you cover yourself in me every day.”

My fingers find my clit while the other moves to my nipple, caressing the peak into a stiff bud, ready for him to suck on.

Jesus, I whine at his admission. “What else?” Knowing I use the lotion daily to coat myself in his essence has my veins pumping with gratification. He’s completely feral, and only I can control him.

“I steal your worn panties and lick them while I fuck my hand.”

I stroke over my aching clit. “Oh god.”

“Show me,” he whispers, and I drag the sheet from my waist and widen my thick legs to expose myself to him.

“Fuck,” he growls.

I will him to pull his hard cock from his jeans to show me what I do to him too.

“More,” I whisper as I slide two fingers into my hole, coating them in my slickness.

“I laid under your bed, jerking off when you were in the room.” My hands work faster as I imagine him lying there, getting off on our proximity. “I fucked you while filming it, filled you with my cum while you were out cold, then licked my cum out of your dripping pussy so you wouldn’t feel it leak from you.”

“Oh god, Daddy.”

“I painted your nipples in my cum, imagining it was milk coming from you.”

My back arches as I tweak my nipple, and my orgasm hits while his words ring out in my ears. “I fucked my baby into you, whether you wanted me to or not.” My breathing becomes rugged.

“I’m the shadow in the night, the demon beneath the bed, and I’m the monster who takes what he wants, consequences be damned.”

He disrobes, and his footsteps play out like background noise. When he pushes me onto my back and his heaviness settles on top of me, I buck beneath him, but he doesn’t move.

As his forehead rests against mine, love seeps from his eyes. “I’m completely insane. I’ve deceived you to get what I want. I’m obsessed. I’m a savage. But I’m yours, Hallie. Whether you like it or not, you own me. Don’t ever push me away again, Little Red, because I’m not going anywhere.”