Page 37 of Dearly Unbeloved (Spicy in Seattle #3)

SIERRA

Mexican food and a bath tonight? - R

P.S. If I get you a journal, will you stop writing your quiz answers on my stuff?

T he number staring at me from my laptop screen is…

staggering. I cross my arms and frown at my bank balance as my heart sinks into my stomach.

For the past couple of years, anytime I thought about finally getting my inheritance so I could help Kyo start a family, I imagined being elated.

Whatever I’m feeling right now, it’s not that.

I snap a picture of my screen and send it off to Kyo.

Grandma and grandpa came through!!! You three are going to be the best parents!!!

A second after the message sends, my phone lights up with a video call. I hook my phone grip over my laptop screen—probably bad for my laptop, but I hate holding my phone up for calls—and accept the call.

Kyo’s face fills my screen, his initial smile dropping as soon as he sees me. “Whoa. What’s this face, SiSi?” He circles the camera with his finger. “I thought this was going to be a celebratory call, but that’s not the face of someone who’s practically a millionaire.”

“You’re rounding up pretty generously,” I point out, and he rolls his eyes. “But this is a celebratory call. I’m so happy for you guys! You’re going to be a dad, and I’m going to be Aunt Sierra!” Not to Jazz and Liam’s baby, and that hurts like hell, but I’ll be the best aunt I can be to Kyo’s.

“Sierra. Come on. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” My voice is too high, too squeaky, and Kyo sees right through me.

I rub my face, sitting back in the spinny office chair.

“I am happy for you, I promise. It’s just that this means I have a lot to figure out over the next week.

Rose will get her promotion, and we’ll have to figure out the logistics of the divorce, telling people.

And I have to find a new place, then deal with moving.

” I am a millennial, which means I spend a lot of time scrolling through real estate websites and dreaming.

I’ve seen a ton of nice apartments lately, but I can’t picture living in any of them.

Kyo hums. “That is a lot to figure out, I guess. There’s also the little matter of you being in love with your wife, of course.”

“What?” I hold up my hands. “ I have no idea what you’re talking about. Me? In love with Rose? I… Um… Like… No. Just no.”

Kyo raises his brows. “Damn. That was very convincing. However… I think the time to tiptoe around it is over. No one believed you two actually loved each other at first.”

“Yes, they did! Everyone believed us.” Things might have started a little rocky, but even Rose has become a pro at faking it lately.

“No, they didn’t. Maybe the people who don’t really know you, like your colleagues. And maybe Rose’s parents, since they seem to be inclined to believe the worst about her, but everyone else? Not a chance.”

“That can’t be true. Why would no one say anything?”

Kyo shrugs. “I mean, our family all figured out pretty fast why you’d done it.

And as for the Michaelson-Cannon family—from what you’ve told me, they all started out in relationships that ‘weren’t real,’ so they were probably just waiting for you to fall for each other.

I don’t know what’s in the water with them, but between you and me, I fully expect Xan and his best friend will get together at some point in the next couple of years. ”

I don’t disagree with that, but it doesn’t help my point, so I’m not addressing it. “Even if no one believes Rose and I love each other, I don’t see what difference that makes. We have the money, and her promotion is more or less a done deal.”

“I didn’t say no one believes you. I said no one believed you,” Kyo says with a smug smile. “After seeing the two of you together in person? I have no doubts that you have real feelings for each other. ”

An exasperated growl escapes my throat. “I’m telling you we don—you know what, it doesn’t matter.

It’s a moot point. Because even if I did have feelings for her—and I’m not saying I do”—“You do,” Kyo interrupts—“We have an agreement. And that agreement comes to an end this month. Besides, any feelings are entirely one-sided. Rose doesn’t have feelings for me. ”

Kyo crosses his arms. “So you’ve talked about it.”

“Well, no.”

“Right. So you know this how?”

“I just know!” I slam my hands down on the desk. “What the hell is with this interrogation?”

“It’s not an interrogation. It’s a warning. You’re running out of time to figure this out. You have to talk to her.”

“No. I’m not doing that. I can’t do that.” I take deep, measured breaths, trying to keep myself calm. And failing spectacularly.

“Seriously?” Kyo groans. “You’re going to lose the woman you love over a stupid miscommunication?”

“There’s no miscommunication happening here,” I protest, not bothering to correct him about my feelings for Rose again. What’s the point? “I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m communicating exactly how I always intended to.”

“Why? Why can’t you just tell her how you feel?”

“Because what if she doesn’t feel the same way?” I shout, looking away from the camera. Thank fuck for the soundproof meeting rooms at the office.

“Sierra…”

“I don’t want to hear it. I know you’re going to say that I lose her in either scenario. I’m well fucking aware. At least this way, I’m in control. I’m leaving before she gets the chance to this time.” I sound like a petulant child, throwing her toys away.

“This time?” Kyo asks, confusion morphing into understanding as he stares at me. “Shit, Sierra. Your friends? That was what, fourteen years ago? It was a lifetime ago.”

“It still feels like yesterday to me. I’ll never let anyone leave me like that again.”

Kyo frowns. “So let me get this straight. You went through something so awful you’re still dealing with it fourteen years later, and now you’re going to do the exact same thing to Rose?”

“It’s not the same. She doesn’t have feelings for me, and she won’t be alone, anyway.” I made sure of that. “She has the Michaelsons, and she’s hanging out with her siblings more.”

“It is the same. If she does have feelings for you, you’re going to break her heart because you’re too scared to risk your own. It’s a shitty thing to do, Sierra. You knew you were going to do this the whole time?” he asks.

“What? No. Of course not. I mean, it was always the plan to get divorced, but I didn’t expect to catch feelings for her. If I had…” I stop short of saying I wouldn’t have done it, because I don’t know that I wouldn’t have.

“You involved people in this, Sierra. Did you not once stop to consider the consequences? You’ll almost certainly fuck up the only close friendships you’ve had in the past decade with Jazz and Maggie. Not to mention the fact that you work with Jazz and Cal. ”

“I know all of that! I know it’s a shitty thing to do.

I know it makes me the bad guy. Hell, I’ve been the bad guy in every relationship I’ve been in over the past decade.

Do you think I don’t know that?” If I was a better person, I wouldn’t date at all.

I wouldn’t befriend people knowing I was going to drop them in three months.

But I’m not a better person. I’m a hopeful person who’s spent most of her life living in the delusion that she’d meet someone worth taking a risk for.

Well, I met her. And I still can’t make myself do it.

Kyo says nothing, just stares at me, his expression heavy.

“Look, I get it, okay? You’re disappointed in me. I’m disappointed in me, too, Kyo.”

He drops his head into his hands and sighs. “In what world did you think I’d be okay with you hurting Rose to help me bring a child into the world, Sierra? So yeah, I am fucking disappointed in you. This isn’t you.”

His words sting more than I’d ever admit. I clear my throat. “Well, it is me, actually. So, I guess I’ll add your disappointment to the long, long list of things I’m going to have to learn to live with. I gotta go. Love you. Bye.”

I don’t give him a chance to respond before hanging up the call and tossing my phone on the desk. Almost immediately, it lights up with a new text. I almost ignore it, not wanting to deal with him again, but it’s not Kyo’s name on my screen.

I pick my phone up with shaking hands, my heart cracking.

Rose

Promotion secured!!!!!

I should congratulate her. Send back something, anything, but I’m all out of faux-happy.

A bubble pops up, indicating Rose is typing, and a second later, another message comes through.

Can we talk tonight? Not about the job. It’s important. I just really need to talk to you.

It’s too soon . We were supposed to have a week or two, even a couple more days. But we don’t. I’m out of time.

Tears prick my eyes, but I breathe through them. I don’t get to cry about this.

I grab my stuff and leave the meeting room, heading out in search of Jazz to let her know I’m taking the rest of the afternoon off. By my calculations, Rose will be home from work in five hours, which gives me approximately four hours and fifty minutes to break my own heart.