Page 25

Audrey

A couple of weeks later, I find myself lying with my mates on the living room floor while we watch a movie.

The tension is thick, and I’m having issues ignoring it.

Cassian and Wraith had a spat while we were getting settled. They both said they were fine and not to worry about it—even though they’re clearly not fine.

I’m using Brenden’s chest as a pillow as I sit between his legs. Cassian is beside us with Wraith on the outside and Donovan snuggled between the two of them. I’m glad he’s getting time with both of them, but he also doesn’t seem to notice how tense they both are as he watches the movie.

It feels like they’re practically vibrating, neither of them watching the movie but each other. Brenden seems as oblivious as Donovan, but I can’t relax. I can feel the tension headache seeping in as I watch them. Every muscle in my neck and back feels locked up.

I hate watching my mates fight—especially the two of them since I know it’s not something they can really control.

I wiggle in Brenden’s hold, feeling him growing hard against my back.

“Oh, is it going to be that kind of movie?” he asks suggestively, and when I glance up at him, he’s waggling his eyebrows at me.

I dig my elbow into his stomach, smiling as he lets out an “oof” before focusing back on the movie. “No. We’re watching the whole damn movie this time.”

We don’t have the best track record when it comes to watching movies together as a group. In fact, I don’t think we’ve made it through an entire movie in the last two months.

What can I say? My mates are hot, and I have a hard time keeping my hands to myself.

But right now? I’m in no mood for sex, too stressed out about what’s about to happen. It’s entirely possible that nothing will happen, but with each argument they have, they just get worse and worse.

“I’m down for some distraction,” Donovan says as he leans up on his elbows, leering at me. I flip him off without responding.

Wraith and Cassian remain suspiciously silent as I stare at the TV blankly. I don’t even know what movie we’re watching, let alone what’s been happening.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I sigh.

Even if nothing happens between the two of them tonight, it will eventually. It’s just a waiting game right now, and I’m not sure how much longer I can wait.

I shouldn’t wish for the two of them to fight because it upsets me, too. I think waiting for the other shoe to drop is harder.

There are less than three weeks until Wren’s final, and I’ll finally be able to end him. The world will be better without his evil in it.

And yet, I’m not even excited because all I can focus on is what’s happening among my mates.

“What’s wrong, firecracker?” Brenden murmurs in my ear. I have no doubt the others heard him with their preternatural hearing.

I shake my head, pushing to my feet and heading to the front porch as tears fill my eyes.

How am I supposed to explain to them I’m just waiting for my relationships to implode? How do I tell the men I love I don’t think we can continue as we are? How do I admit I don’t think we can best the Fates? How do I admit I’m just waiting for the moment when I have to give up Cassian?

I curl up on the porch swing, pulling my knees to my chest as I fight my tears.

When I hear the door open, I keep my eyes locked on the forest. I’d come out here to get away from them so they wouldn’t have to see me like this. I should’ve known they’d follow me.

I just wish they hadn’t.

No one speaks as they shuffle across the porch, and even without looking, I know all four of them have joined me. They stop just a few feet away from me, but I don’t acknowledge their presence as the first tear falls.

“Audrey?” Brenden sounds worried, and I hate that I’m the one who caused it.

I also don’t know what to say to make it go away. They don’t want to hear what’s floating around in my head. They don’t need to know I’m doubting the entire relationship. None of them have done anything wrong. It’s not their fault I feel this way, and I don’t want to burden them with any of it.

I lay my head on my knees, turning away from them as tears continue to course down my cheeks.

Now that they’ve escaped, I have no hope of stopping them.

“Pretty girl, what’s wrong?” Suddenly, Donovan is kneeling in front of me, and I never heard him move.

When I don’t turn my head to meet his gaze, he leans over into my field of vision, forcing me to look at him. His face falls as soon as he sees my tears.

“What can we do?” he asks, nuzzling into me.

I sigh. “Nothing. There’s nothing anyone can do.”

“I don’t understand,” Wraith says as he joins Donovan, though he remains standing.

“Of course you don’t. How can you?” I scoff, burying my face in my knees and wishing they would leave me to cry in peace.

Someone settles onto the swing beside me, but I don’t look up to see who. Not that I need to see him to know it’s Brenden as he wraps his arm around me.

I know they’re all waiting for me to explain, but I can’t tell them. I’m supposed to be the linchpin holding all of us together. I’m not supposed to have doubts.

Brenden sighs as he scoots me closer until our sides are flush. “Talk to us, Audrey. We can’t make it better if you don’t tell us what’s wrong.”

“Did you not understand when I said there was nothing you could do?” I ask with a harsh laugh. “Clearly, there’s nothing anyone can do. We just need to accept the way things are and move on with our lives, but I don’t want to.”

My laughter turns into sobs as they stare at me blankly.

Cassian steps forward, reaching for me, but Wraith knocks his hand to the side.

“What the fuck, Wraith?” Cassian’s words practically come out as a growl.

“This. This is what I’m talking about.” I shake my head, hysteria slowly building inside me. “The two of you can’t stop swiping at each other. Eventually, one of you is going to snap and then everything we’ve been building is going to be gone. Finished. I don’t know why I thought I could fight fate.”

Cassian and Wraith jerk back, looking like I slapped them as they stare down at me.

Wraith’s voice is tense as he speaks. “We’re doing the best we can, trouble.”

“And I know that. You’re both so strong and determined, but you can’t make it stop.” I chew on my lip as I force my eyes away from them. “Why are we delaying the inevitable here? Aren’t we just making it worse by waiting?”

“Please don’t tell me you’re talking about me,” Cassian begs me, dropping to his knees beside Donovan. “Please tell me you’re not giving up on us.”

I shrug, shaking my head from side to side. “I can’t because I don’t see any way around it. I couldn’t focus on the movie inside because I was worried about the tension between the two of you. All I do is wait and worry about the next fight. Not knowing if it’ll be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I can’t sleep. All I do is stress out, and it’s too much.”

My gaze meets Cassian’s, and when I see the tears collecting there, I throw myself into his arms.

“I don’t want to lose you. It’ll break me irreparably, but I feel like I’m looking down the barrel of a loaded shotgun. I love you so much, Cass. So fucking much that all I want to do is cry every time I think of not having you by my side.” I don’t even know if he can understand half of what I’m saying as I sob into his neck. “But we can’t fix this. Without Nex, everything is going to be against us.”

“I love you, too, little mate. I’m sorry this is causing you so much pain, but I’m never giving you up. We’ll just have to figure something out.”

“We need to get Nex on board,” Wraith says, determination in his voice.

Brenden scoffs. “After the shit he said, you still want him to be a part of this? Fuck that guy.”

Even I can hear the pain he’s trying to hide. It’s my fault it’s there, and I hate it.

There’s a small part of me that wonders if they’d be better off if they hadn’t met me.

“He doesn’t deserve our pretty girl,” Donovan agrees. “But look at her. Is this any better? She’s losing weight. I know you’ve noticed.”

Are they right? I haven’t noticed, but I haven’t been eating as much since I haven’t been hungry. It’s insane what stress can do to our bodies.

I wish I was immune to it since I’m dead, but clearly, that’s not the case.

Sitting up, I swipe at my face as I try—and fail—at drying my cheeks. “If it were that simple, he’d already be my mate, Wraith. We’ve all tried to convince him to join us, and we’ve all failed. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. I will not force someone to be with me just because they’re fated to me. You weren’t there the last time we spoke. He hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” he argues. “He’s afraid. He’s afraid to care too much for someone. He’s afraid he’ll be hurt. There’s a difference.”

“That’s what I kept telling myself, too, but I don’t think that’s it at all. He can’t seem to stay away from Brenden, so that’s obviously not it.” I shake my head, not willing to allow hope to grow within me. “Even if he changed his mind about us, I don’t know if I can forgive him for how he spoke to me, so it’s a moot point.”

Wraith is shaking his head again. “I refuse to give up, trouble. I don’t want to hate Cassian. I want to be able to forgive him and mean it. Donovan isn’t the only one who’s missed you. I want us to be a family, and we can’t do that without Nex.”

“How do you plan on convincing him?” Cassian asks as he clings to my hand as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear at any moment.

I can’t blame him for that after I spilled all my worries to them. While I didn’t want to burden them with how I’ve been feeling, I’ll admit I feel a hell of a lot better now that I’ve told them.

Wraith’s words really struck a chord with me.

We’re meant to be a family. I want us to be a family, and being a part of a family—at least the way I grew up—means being part of a team. We can rely on one another to help keep us afloat when we can’t do it on our own.

Have I been apart from my mom and sister for so long that I forgot that?

“Maybe it’s time for me to go see Lucifer.”

My eyes are wide as my head swings back to Wraith. “What does he have to do with this?”

Wraith chuckles. “Nex believes he’s been cursed by Lucifer. There’s no one else who can confirm or deny that for us, except Lucifer. The only problem is I think he’s on vacation earth-side right now. He might not answer when I call.”

“The devil takes vacations?” I frown, wondering how that works. Does he leave someone in charge of the underworld while he’s gallivanting among the humans and supernaturals? I’m all for everyone getting a vacation from time to time—especially one who has as much on their plate as Lucifer—but it’s hard to imagine.

“Not often, which is why I feel bad about bothering him.” Wraith sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. “It took a lot for me, Gael, Octavius, and Riggs to convince him to go. We’re the only ones he trusts to keep shit in order while he’s gone.”

I chew on my bottom lip. “Then we wait. What’s another week or two in the grand scheme of things?”

“Are you sure, trouble? This seems to weigh on you heavily, and I don’t want this to continue.”

“I’m sure. Plus, wouldn’t it be better to not draw attention to ourselves before we kill Michael? What if he decides he needs to watch us and realizes what we’re up to?”

Wraith considers me for a moment before nodding. “Yes, it would be better to wait until after, but I need you to promise me you’ll come to one of us if you start stressing out over anything like this in the meantime. We’re here for you.”

“I know…I just…forgot? I just got all wrapped up in my head, and it felt like I’d be burdening you or something.” I hold up my hand when all four of them speak at once. “It was stupid. I know that. I promise to not let it get this far again. If my head becomes a mess, I’ll find one of you to talk to. I know I can count on you—that I can lean on you when I need strength. Mom raised me to be independent, and sometimes that makes me feel like I have to do it all on my own.”

“But you don’t,” Donovan assures me. “We’ll always be here for you—no matter what.”

Brenden presses a kiss to my forehead. “We’ll always fight for you.”

“We’ll always be here to support you and shower you with love.” There’s still a bit of sadness in Cassian’s smile.

“We’re your mates. We’ll give you our strength to keep going when you feel like you can’t,” Wraith assures me. “We love you.”

Finally, my tears have stopped as I beam at them. “And I love all of you. Thank you.”

They lead me back inside and we start the movie over. The tension from earlier has dissipated, and when Brenden decides I need a massage to loosen me up, I don’t complain. I also don’t make it through the movie before I fall asleep.