Page 21

Audrey

I t’s been a few weeks since Nex jacked off to Cassian fucking me in the middle of the woods.

My thighs clench and my cheeks warm at the memory of how Cassian chased me through the woods. I’d been so lost in my head and trying to figure out how to accept losing two men who were fated to be mine that I just stopped feeling anything.

I worried my mates—something I feel terrible about. But the looks on their faces when Cassian led me into the house, both of us covered in dirt. It was fucking hilarious.

Now, I just have to make sure I don’t sink back into that hole. I can’t do that to my mates again—I won’t.

Nex has continued to avoid me, which is much easier now that I’m not assisting in his classes any longer. I don’t know if that’s better or not.

Should I be throwing myself into his path as often as possible, like I was before? It didn’t seem to make any difference, but I hate not seeing him. I hate not knowing what he’s doing.

I hate that he seems to be doing just fine without me.

I know he’s punishing himself for what happened to his sister and the vengeance he sought afterward, but it’s not just himself that he’s punishing. He’s punishing me and my other mates, too, and that’s not okay.

“Damn it, Donovan! Not my damn face.” A grunt follows the words, and I frown as I hurry up the path.

It’s late and there shouldn’t really be anyone out at this time of night. There usually isn’t when I take my two a.m. walks. I’m not sleeping well, and I don’t want to keep my mates up, so I’ve been slipping out of the house and walking around campus while I wait for the sun to come up.

I know they’ve noticed, but no one has mentioned it.

There’s another grunt, and when I round the corner, I find Donovan standing over Nex as he crumples to the ground.

“What the hell?” Both their heads jerk toward me as I hurry over. “What’s going on right now?”

Donovan smirks. “Nothing for you to worry about, pretty girl.”

I snort. “Yeah, that’s not how this works. Please tell me this isn’t what Cassian was talking about when he said you all would handle Nex.”

“Okay, I won’t.” Donovan winks.

I grimace, shaking my head as I remind myself it’s not nice to lose my shit on my mates. “While I appreciate your concern—all of my mates’ concern—beating him up isn’t going to change his mind.”

“I don’t need your help, Audrey,” Nex grunts, spitting blood onto the ground. “I’m a big boy.”

“This isn’t about you, you fucking shithead.” I sneer at him before turning my attention back to Donovan. “This isn’t what I want.”

Donovan wrinkles his nose, glancing between me and Nex before sighing. “Fine. I won’t beat up the piece of shit anymore.”

“Good, and you can pass it along to the others.” I shake my head, squatting down beside Nex. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

He rears back when I touch his arm, jumping to his feet and slumping against the wall with a groan. I frown as he clutches his side, and I wonder how long Donovan was at this before I walked up.

“What the hell is your problem, Nex?”

“My problem?” He scoffs. “My problem is that you can’t take no for an answer. You and me? It’s never going to happen. There’s no happily ever after waiting for us, and it’s kind of pathetic how you keep following me around.”

I push to my feet, stepping between him and Donovan, when my hellhound mate snarls. “No, Donovan. You’ve already beaten the shit out of him. I can handle this on my own.”

I don’t ask him to leave because I know he won’t, but I wait for him to nod his agreement before turning back to Nex.

“First of all, I’m not following you, you arrogant ass. I was walking around campus—as I do every night—because I can’t sleep. I came upon the two of you and made Donovan stop beating the shit out of you. A thank you wouldn’t be out of place.” I scoff at the look on his face. “Yeah, I know I’m not going to get one. I won’t hold my breath. As for the rest of the bullshit you just spewed?”

I shake my head. “I’m not the pathetic one. I’m not the one clinging onto some curse that probably isn’t real because I want to continue to live in the guilt I feel over my sister being killed and all the people I murdered in retaliation. I’m not the one who’s willing to throw away the best thing that happened to them because I’m fucking afraid. No, that would be you.”

He looks stricken as he stares at me before pulling himself up straight, hiding behind the icy mask he always dons in my presence. “Are four mates not enough for you? Do you really need to add a fifth? Are they that bad in bed or are you just so desperate for cock that you’re willing to bed someone who doesn’t want you?”

“Three mates,” I correct him. “If you don’t want me, then I’ll never have more than three.”

“I told you not to put that on me,” he snarls, getting in my face. “That’s not my fault.”

I shrug. “I never said it was. I’m just correcting your statement. I don’t know what would happen if I tried to mate with Cassian when you’re still rejecting me, but I can’t imagine it would be anything good. But you’re right. That’s not on you.”

Already over the conversation, I spin on my heel, but Nex’s hand closes around my arm and jerks me back to face him.

“You don’t get to just walk away from me.” His eyes flash, his mouth turned up in a snarl. He’s practically rabid as I scoff.

“Actually, I can do whatever the hell I want. And I don’t want to stand here listening to you tell me how desperate and pathetic you think I am.” I try to pull out of his grasp, but his fingers just tighten. It hurts, but I refuse to acknowledge it. I’m not giving him the pleasure of knowing just how much he’s hurting me—both physically and emotionally. “You need to let me go.”

He shakes his head slowly. “No, I don’t think I do. I don’t think you want me to. You’re still holding out hope that I’ll suddenly change my mind. Is that why you had Cassian text me the other day? Did you think that watching him fuck you would change my mind? Did you think I got hard because it was you? It could’ve been anyone there getting fucked, and I would’ve gotten hard.”

“So then, why did you fuck your hand?” I ask, daring him to tell me another lie. “Or did that have nothing to do with me, either?”

“Not a damn thing,” he growls, and it’s such a fucking lie that I laugh in his face. “I jerked off because there was a live porn show, and you were practically begging for my cock. Such a little cock slut, aren’t you? You’ll never have enough. What hole are you trying to fill with your desperation? Did Daddy touch you when you were little? Do you need to reclaim the body that was violated?”

My hand slams into his cheek, his head jerking away from me. When he turns back to me, anger flashes in his eyes, but I don’t fucking care. I know what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to push me away, and he’s succeeding.

What the hell am I talking about? He had already succeeded the day I left his classroom. I don’t want to be here doing this with him again. I’m so fucking over it.

“I don’t have a dad, Nex. Which you would know if you bothered to get to know me. As for cock? My mates are packing quite the punch. I don’t need another cock. I don’t need another man or mate, but fate has decreed you to be mine.” I scoff, eyeing him up and down, my face telling him just how much I find him lacking.

“I haven’t sought you out a single time since I walked out of your classroom, and I won’t be. You won. You convinced me of how horrible of a person you are and how much I want nothing to do with you. So why don’t you go back to running away every time you see me, and I’ll just pretend like you don’t exist? Does that work for you?” I practically spit out my words at him, ire rising the longer I have to stand here and talk to him.

“What’s wrong, Audrey? Do my words hurt?”

I bare my teeth, annoyed to give him even that much of a reaction. He knows exactly what he’s doing and how much he’s hurting me.

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it, Nex. Go fuck yourself. You’re not worthy of me, and I’m not going to spend another damn minute thinking of you.” I smirk. “But you won’t be able to stop thinking about me and the lives you’re ruining by depriving another man of the fated mate that he’ll never be able to have because of you. Adding a little more guilt onto your plate shouldn’t be a big deal since that’s all you seem to care about, anyway.”

His hand tightens on my arm again when I try to pull away, and this time, I can’t bite back the pained noise that escapes me.

Donovan is there in a second, ripping Nex away from me and slamming him into the wall. “Do not put your hands on my mate. I know Audrey’s already said it, but you’re the pathetic one. You’re the one throwing away the most amazing woman you’ll ever meet. You’re a fucking idiot hiding behind guilt like it’ll keep you warm at night—like it’ll love you. That’s okay. Your loss is my gain. That’s one less fucker I have to share her affections with.

“If I see you so much as glance her way again, I will fuck you up. You don’t deserve her or her time. She’s entirely too good for a piece of shit like you. You’re lucky your punishment from Lucifer is ironclad or you’d be looking for another home. Any friendship you had with me or Wraith? Hell, even Brenden and Cassian—that’s done and over with.” Donovan growls when Nex tries to break away from him.

“Brenden cares for you. He’s the real reason we all kept trying. He was convinced that you would come around. This is going to break his heart. But when he sees the marks you left on his mate? He’s going to tear you to shreds. I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done because now you have to live with it.”

He steps back, rolling his shoulders and shaking his head from side to side before he offers me his hand with a small smile. “Why don’t we head home, pretty girl? I can think of some ways to occupy our time while we wait for the sun to rise.”

“That sounds amazing.” I take his hand and allow him to lead me back toward the house. I don’t glance over my shoulder. I don’t worry that Nex might be hurt.

I’m officially done. No matter how many times I’ve said it before, I mean it now. He’s gone too far and done too much to damage the relationship we could’ve had.

I bury the hurt deep inside, determined to forget his entire existence. I only worry about what this will mean for me and Cassian. I’m not prepared to lose him.

I won’t lose him because of Nex. I just need to figure out how to fix it.

“I think we need to talk to Wraith,” Donovan says quietly, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Why?”

He glances at me, worry in his eyes. “I don’t think you working at the academy is the right call anymore. I think he should put you on the reaper roster. It’s what you should be doing anyway—gathering souls and transporting them to the underworld for judgment. You never wanted to teach at the academy, did you?”

“Not really,” I admit, excitement simmering inside me. “Do you think he’ll go for it? I mean, my first reap wasn’t great, but at least I don’t have any more sisters to find dead.”

He grins. “That you know of. But yes, I think Wraith will be happy to move you over to reaping if that’s what you want. He only had you assisting with classes so you could be closer to us. And to Nex. We all thought if you were always there in his face, he’d accept you. Clearly, we all overestimated his smarts.”

“Clearly,” I grouse, face pinching at the mention of him.

“Are you really done with him?”

I nod. “I am. He’s pushed me away before, and I was okay with that. Now, he’s just being cruel. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want me. Why should I keep trying? He’s telling me he doesn’t want me, and it’s about time I start listening. I don’t know what this means for all of us—especially Cassian—but we’ll figure it out.”

“Together,” he says, and I find myself returning his smile.

“Yes. We’ll figure it out together.”

Fuck.

I really hope we can because I’m not prepared to be miserable for the rest of my life.