Page 88 of Damaged Desires

Regardless, it filled me with a new purpose. A new reason to move forward past the spot I’d retreated. I stood, put my fingers to my lips, and then placed them on my mom’s niche. “Keep it with you, Mom.”

My words whispered around me in the silence.

Then, I got in the car and drove back the way I came, knowing I still had a lot of shit to figure out. A lot of wounds to heal and a lot of answers to find before the mess that was my life could be straightened out.

But first, I had someone else to talk to. I’d told her I’d tell her about my parents, and after this morning’s debacle, it was time. I didn’t relish it, but Tristan was right; she deserved the truth from me, and so I’d start by giving it to her and seeing where the cards fell from there.

Dani

DAYLIGHT

“Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down,

Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town.

Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now,

It's brighter now, now.”

Performed by Taylor Swift

Written by Taylor Swift

After showering and devouring a biscuitfromthe basket Maribelle had left out with a note for me to help myself, I brought my laptop into the library and worked at the huge desk there. I spent hours on the phone, emailing, and writing posts to deflect the whispers about Brady being in rehab, spinning it with hints of family and needing to be elsewhere.

I hadn’t seen Nash since the incident this morning, but it was still rolling like credits at the end of a movie in the back of my brain while I worked. There was only one way to get them out. That was to find out what had happened. What he and Maribelle were both hiding. I was good at eking out secrets from people who didn’t want to share them.

I was just closing down my computer when Carson entered the room, an unlit cigar in between his lips. He stopped in the doorway, and I scrambled to pull together my items.

“I’m so sorry; you probably want your desk,” I said.

“No, not at all. I was just surprised to see someone there.”

“I should have asked. It was just the perfect place to spread out.”

“You’re more than welcome to work there. I spend my time these days at the corporate office attached to our general store,” he said. His gaze was so much like Nash’s that it was uncanny. Deep. Considering. Taking you apart.

“If you’re sure?”

“I am.”

I set my stuff back down before heading for the door.

“You don’t have to run out. Would you like to play again?” he asked, referring to the chessboard.

“I’d love another chance, but maybe after dinner? I have to talk to Nash,” I said, smiling so he knew I meant it.

He returned my smile with one of his own. “I’ll hold you to it.”

I went in search of the broody man who’d done a good job of avoiding me all day. My position in the library should have afforded me a view of him coming or going up the main staircase, but it seemed he was as good at slinking around the house as he was at sneaking up on me. While I hadn’t seen him, I had seen a whole host of people who’d come through: cleaning people and handymen in charge of keeping the place in pristine condition. I didn’t want to think about the amount of money it must cost to keep a place this size running.

In the kitchen, Maribelle was working on yet another meal.

“You’re going to make me feel bad if you keep cooking. I might be the worst cook in the world, but I could still help,” I told her.

She smiled. “I love to cook. That and knitting are the only ways I can relax. I don’t get to cook as much with just Carson and me here. It’s nice to be feeding four again.”

Once she’d said the words, she winced as if she’d released a confidence into the air.