Page 4 of Damaged Desires

“He upset you.” He said it like it was a fact more than a question.

“No!”Yes.

“I’ll get rid of him,” Mac said.

“Don’t. Play nice. I’ll be back in a minute.” I didn’t need him to get rid of Russell for me. It didn’t matter anymore. It was highly unlikely I’d ever see him again after today. Not if I had any say in the matter. Which I did.

In the bathroom stall, I sat on the closed lid and just breathed, in and out, trying to force thoughts of another bathroom from my head. Forcing thoughts of how I’d waited for Mac in a stall much like this one.

The door swung open, and then I saw Georgie’s gold sandals, which I’d all but forced her to buy, stop in front of the stall I was in.

“Dani?”

I flushed the toilet I hadn’t used, stood up, turned the lock, and exited. She was waiting on the other side of the door. On days when Georgie wore her blue-colored contact lenses, we could be sisters by more than marriage. Our height and build and coloring were so similar. Except, the slight cleft in my chin defined mine in a way her smooth slender one did not. I went to the sink and turned on the water, focusing on washing my hands and the sensations of the soap and water on my skin. The things that were real.

I looked up in the mirror, almost expecting to see what I’d seen last year. Expecting to see black-ringed eyes, a torn dress, and a ponytail slightly askew. Instead, my makeup looked as expertly applied as it had that morning, my silk top was perfect, and my high bun was tight with not a strand out of place.

“Mac sent Russell away,” Georgie said, her tone musical and light. Beautiful, just like the rest of her.

“I told him not to,” I said, grabbing a handful of paper towels before turning to face her for real instead of in a reflection.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Sometimes, I hate that question,” I told her honestly, and she nodded. She understood. She’d been through enough ordeals in her own life to get what I meant. “I’m ready to put D.C. behind me.”

“The change of venue won’t make it go away,” she said.

“I’m not running from it, Georgie,” I told her, but her eyes said she didn’t entirely believe me.

I tucked my arm through hers.

“Let’s get some food to soak up this alcohol with,” I told her.

She nodded, and we left the restroom together. My future may be up in the air, but there were three things I was certain about: I was done with socializing, I was done with my memories, and I was absolutely done with Washington D.C.

Nash

WARRIORS

“In youth you'd lay,

Awake at night and scheme,

Of all the things that you would change.

But it was just a dream!”

Performed by Imagine Dragons

Written by Grant / Reynolds / Mosser / Mckee / Platzman / Sermon

I was covered in sand. I’dbefinding it in parts of me for days, but that wasn’t what had me stewing in a bottomless pit of anger. I stalked into the locker room behind Dainty. I was barely holding my shit together while I watched his bald head dance to the music he had blaring through his headset loud enough I could hear the beat. I wanted to yank the earbuds out and crush them below my boots. The only thing holding me back was the knowledge that this could be my last chance to get back on a team, and I couldn’t afford to lose it.

I was tired of training undergrads at the Naval Academy. I needed to be back out in the field. I needed to fire my gun at some asshats who continued to wage combat on democracy in the longest war this country had ever seen.

I stripped off my gear in silence, just like the other members of the team. It was the silence I wasn’t used to. Silver Platoon had been full of stupid jokes and laughter. We’d used the time after each mission as a reminder that what we did couldn’t take away the heart beating inside us. We replaced the monstrosities we’d seen and done with humanity. With life.

I tossed my muddy, sandy clothes onto the bench and headed for the shower. I stood there, letting the pounding water and the heat soothe my ruffled feathers. I was having to prove myself again. It sucked. No, it more than sucked. It was worse than the time we’d seen maggots eating through the eyes of a man in Afghanistan.