Page 15 of Cursed to Love (Cursed to Love #1)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Y ou’re not stupid.” Blake turned his hand over and linked his fingers with Paige’s. He hated that she kept saying that of herself. “I expect you did the best you could in a shitty situation. I won’t judge you.”
He was already in awe of what she’d put up with from her asshole ex-husband. Besides stomping on her self-esteem and making her get all up in her head in bed, Blake expected that her being homeless had something to do with her ex as well.
In the time Paige and Emmie had been living with Blake, the guy hadn’t reached out even once—at least not that he’d seen—which meant he wasn’t even talking to his daughter.
“Okay,” Paige said, and he heard her voice shaking. “The month after I broke up with you, I finished my first year and worked for the summer. Craig and I were both busy, and things seemed fine. I started my second year in August and then he proposed. I was blown away because I hadn’t thought we were at that point yet. I’d even begun to doubt that we were a good match. But once again he told me he loved me and couldn’t live without me. In the years since, I’ve wondered if he maybe felt as trapped because he really didn’t love me, but still didn’t want anyone else to have me, so he figured marriage was the next logical choice.
“Anyway… I accepted, and Craig left the wedding planning up to me. He wanted a big wedding and although I would have preferred something smaller, I went along with it to please him. He told me to just put everything—the deposits, purchases, whatever—on my credit card and he would pay it off. For the first couple of months, I checked to make sure he was. One time when I checked, he’d only made a partial payment. I confronted him on it, and he said not to worry, he’d handle it.”
Paige rubbed her thumbs along the outside of his pinkie fingers. He wasn’t even sure she was aware of what she was doing. She sounded lost in thought and rested her head back on his chest as if she no longer had the strength to hold it up.
“Like a total idiot, I trusted him. Then life got crazy busy, and I stopped checking. Every time the bill arrived in the mail he would take it, saying he’d pay it. We’d been married for a few months and I’d already started my junior year when I realized he’d completely stopped making payments on the credit card.
“I had gotten used to giving him the credit card statement to pay, but since the wedding was over and it was still my card, I opened the next statement when it arrived and felt like I was going to faint. The card was maxed out and the interest had been piling up. When I confronted Craig, he acted like it was all my fault and I’d been irresponsible by not paying the card off each month. He then said I needed to contribute to the household and not be a mooch.
“Since the house had been his, he was paying the mortgage and everything related to it—taxes, utilities, insurance—that type of thing. I used my savings from my summer job to pay for tuition and books and buy all the groceries. I still had to work part-time to make ends meet…”
Her voice trailed off, and Blake had to concentrate to make sure his hands stayed relaxed in hers. His first instinct was to curl his hands into fists and then find something to punch to take out his frustrations on. Or better yet… find Craig to punch. It wasn’t any wonder why Paige was worried about being controlled and reliant on someone. The asshole had used her for his own wants, then turned around and gaslighted her.
“What did you do?” he asked.
“I dropped out of school and got a job to pay off the debt. The only thing I ever wanted was to make him happy and have a family, so we had the big wedding, and then I had to pay off the debt. By the time it was paid off, I was pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant so badly and I loved Emmie from the moment she was conceived. I…”
Blake turned Paige in his arms so he could see her face. Her eyes were shiny, but she hadn’t shed a tear. “I’m in awe of you, Paige. You’re strong and resilient. An amazing mom, and overall…” He searched for the right word. “Fierce.”
She choked out a laugh. “Fierce?”
“Yes, fierce. Powerful and intensely passionate.”
He kissed her lips lightly. As much as he wanted to do more, he knew she needed to finish her story. The problem was, just hearing all she’d been through made him care about her even more. Listening to any more of her struggles was going to make keeping his heart guarded almost impossible. But he would just have to.
Blake shifted, doing his best to ease the restriction in his jeans, and settled Paige’s back against his chest once more. As if they’d done it a thousand times, he turned his palms up and she linked her fingers with his again, like they were meant to be together.
Trying to ward off any more encroaching feelings, he pictured how he’d felt when she broke his heart and how lost his mom had been for years after his dad died, but it was becoming harder and harder. Then his mind conjured images of Peter not being able to paint; Moira walking away from Liam, both of them unhappy; and Martha living only half a life, and he knew he and Paige could never be more than friends. He’d be there for her as a friend, while he still protected his heart, because the curse had already shown him any love he had was going to end in heartbreak.
“Finish your story,” he said quietly against her hair, breathing in her vanilla and orange blossom scent.
“After that day in the grocery store, I knew I had to leave Craig. Not just for myself, but for Emmie. If I stayed, she would see that I allowed someone to treat me like crap. I couldn’t have her growing up thinking it was okay for a man to treat a woman like that… or for anyone to treat another like that. The really stupid thing is that I almost didn’t leave. I wanted more children so badly I almost stayed just so I could have more.”
She sighed as if the weight of what she would have done weighed on her.
“I would have been teaching more children that it was okay to let someone treat them like garbage and manipulate them. Finally, I realized I couldn’t do that and if Emmie is the only child I ever have, I’ll still feel so blessed to have her. And even after I made that huge decision, it still took me almost two years before I could leave.”
Blake wished he could do more for Paige than just hold her. His only solace was that all this was in the past and now he could be Paige’s friend and listen and help her if she asked. He wasn’t so sure she would ask for help if she needed it, though, but one step at a time.
“How did you manage it?” he asked.
“When Emmie was born, Craig said I should stay home with her. Since I’d dropped out of school, the only jobs I’d be able to get would be crappy minimum-wage ones, making it not even worth putting Emmie in daycare. His words, not mine.”
She let out a small snort. “It hadn’t been worth pointing out to him that him wanting a lavish wedding and not paying the credit card off was the reason I had to drop out of school. He wouldn’t have seen it that way.
“The diner I’d waitressed at before I had Emmie, hired me back a few afternoons a week, and my mom agreed to watch Emmie. I didn’t tell Craig, and he worked late a lot, so most nights he didn’t arrive home until after Emmie was in bed. Which was a good thing because it gave me a chance to shower off the smells from the diner before he got home. The money I earned plus tips wasn’t much, but it allowed me to save enough without Craig knowing. I still had to buy our groceries, but I was using the money I’d made during the time between paying off the debt and having Emmie for that. Once that money was gone, Craig knew he’d be paying for everything, and believe me, he never let me forget. He tracked the account that money was in and every single penny I spent on groceries.”
A part of Blake wished he’d known what Paige was going through so he could have helped her. But the other part of him knew she’d had to do everything on her own or she never would have realized what she was capable of.
“How did you manage to keep your earnings at the diner from him?” he asked.
“I opened an account at a different bank and used my parents’ address for it. I left all my tips with them too. I gave my parents an excuse about keeping it all at their house because I needed to avoid the temptation to spend it. My mom didn’t care what I did as long as I kept Craig happy, because that’s what a good wife does .”
Paige said her last words in an overly high-pitched voice, as if imitating her mom. Then she snorted, making him laugh, but he’d heard the underlying resentment in her tone.
“I told my dad I was saving up to take classes to be a real estate agent and I’d need some money to get started. I also told him I wanted it to be a surprise for Craig. I’m pretty sure my dad knew that for the lie it was, although he never said anything. As soon as I got my license, I asked Craig for a divorce. He was furious, but he didn’t have a choice because I’d already gotten a lawyer.”
“Did Craig drag it out?”
“He tried to, but then all his debt came to light. Turned out he had taken a second mortgage on the house and maxed out several credit cards in both our names because he liked to play poker with some bigwigs. When we got divorced, I was left with almost half the debt.”
Blake’s urge to punch Craig ratcheted up a notch. He took a calming breath and focused on Paige’s thumb rubbing softly along his hand. “To pay off his debt, he was letting you and Emmie live in a strip mall?”
She coughed a laugh. “If only that was it. When I left Craig, I rented a one-bedroom apartment for Emmie and me, the cheapest I could find that wasn’t in a dangerous neighborhood. I was doing okay at first, but a couple things slowly sunk me. First, I needed a car for my job to get to properties, and I wanted one I’d feel safe enough driving Emmie in on snowy streets. But because my credit sucked and I had a lot of debt, I had to take out a really high-interest loan. Then Craig decided to stop paying child support.”
Blake stiffened. “He can’t just decide not to pay.”
“I know, but I didn’t have money for another lawyer, and Craig threatened that if I did get one to go after him for not paying, he’d go for sole custody of Emmie.”
“He is a vindictive fuck, isn’t he?”
Paige laughed, a genuine one that shook her body in his arms. “He is that.”
He forced himself to relax again. “What else?”
“As you know, I get paid by commission, and sometimes it’s a while between checks. When I get one, it can hold me over for a long time, but with all my debt, Emmie’s daycare, regular living expenses, and then Craig no longer paying child support, I was late on rent one month. Then I couldn’t pay the following month, and I got evicted.” She shrugged against his chest. “The strip mall wasn’t great, but it seemed like a good temporary solution.”
“You couldn’t go to your boss for an advance? I’ve known him for years. He’s a good guy.”
“He’d already taken a chance on me because I had zero experience. And because of that, he warned me when he hired me to make sure I had enough money to carry me between commission checks. I was too ashamed to go to him and confess all my debt.”
“I get that.” If any one of the shitty things in her situation hadn’t happened, she probably would have been fine.
Paige turned in his arms and looked up at him, a sly smile curling her lips. “That’s enough heavy stuff for tonight. So… friend ,” she said. “It’s Saturday. The weekend.”
He had to work not to smile as he raised his brow. “And?”
Paige faced him fully and went up on her knees. “I want my benefits,” she whispered and leaned forward, placing her hands on his chest.
She wet her lips before closing the final few inches between them.
He kissed her, hauled her up into a fireman’s carry, and raced toward the stairs. She squealed.
“Shhhh, you’ll wake Emmie.”
“What about the lights?” she whispered.
“I’ll turn them off later. I don’t want to wait to touch you,” he said when he made it to their bedroom. Her bedroom . He needed to remember that. He lowered her feet to the floor and this time she let him remove her clothes, kissing down her body as he exposed it.
“Climb onto the bed. I’ve got something for you.”
She laughed as she got on the bed. “Oh no… should I be scared?” she teased.
“No, I think you’re going to like this.” He quickly stripped off his own clothes and grabbed his phone and the headphones he’d placed on the dresser earlier. He turned on the headset, already paired with his phone, and selected his jazz playlist from the music app.
He stood at the side of the bed and held out the headphones to Paige.
She frowned. “You don’t want me to hear you during sex?”
His plan had seemed like a genius idea earlier in the week, but now he was beginning to doubt himself. “You said you get all up in your head and worry, so I thought this might help. At least for the first few times.”
Paige grasped the headphones and looked down, but not before he noticed that her eyes had become glassy. He gently lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. “What kind of tears are those?” he asked, too worried to even suggest a name for them.
He needed her to tell him, not confirm something he might have gotten wrong just to appease him.
She shrugged. “I’m not sure. Relief, maybe?”
Relief was okay. At least she wasn’t angry. “Put them on. The volume is right here,” he said, showing her how to adjust it.
When she had them on, he turned on the selected the playlist and watched her face for a reaction. When she smiled and laid back, he put the phone down and climbed onto the bed, planking over her like he’d done the week before.
He lifted one side of the headphones. “Close your eyes, baby. Just relax and let yourself go.”
“What about you?”
“Don’t you worry about me. I’ll be having lots of fun.”
She gave him a small smile, then adjusted the headphones back into position and closed her eyes.
Blake kissed her, loving that her lips parted for him right away and kissed him back. She tasted of wine and something uniquely Paige. He could kiss her all night, but he had other plans. She’d told him he couldn’t fix her and that trying to would be too much pressure for both of them, and he agreed. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t want to pleasure her, whether she managed to orgasm or not.
He kissed down her body, using his mouth and his hands to bring her pleasure. His only worry with his plan was that he’d bring her right to the crest of her orgasm and frustrate her if she couldn’t find her release. Then they’d both worry, and she’d likely believe that the pleasure she had found wasn’t enough.
Fuck . Now it was his turn to get out of his head. He let out a breath and focused on pleasing Paige.
Exploring her body, he started with her neck, leaving no part of her soft skin untouched. He lavished attention on her collarbones and then her breasts, licking and softly biting her nipples until she was squirming beneath him.
He continued down her body until he reached her core. He slid his hands under her hips and cupped her gorgeous ass. She sucked in her breath, but didn’t pull away. Laying his body between her legs, he kissed up the inside of each thigh before kissing up the center of her folds. Then he ran his tongue up to her clit.
“Oh god!” Paige arched into his mouth. “More. Please, Blake, don’t tease.”
A good sign. He draped each of her legs over his shoulders, and bringing his hands from underneath her thighs, he used his fingers to part her folds. He licked her again, going deeper, and her body bucked as she let out a moan. Laying one hand on her stomach, he held her down while he licked and sucked her, avoiding direct contact with her clit.
When her squirming and moans increased, he gently slipped two fingers inside her hot heat.
She reached down and gripped his hair. “Oh, god! More, Blake. Please!”
He thought it was cute that when she was in the throes of passion she was reduced to using the same five words.
Blake flicked her clit with his tongue and curved his fingers up to find that special spot. She bucked up against his hand and her cries of pleasure increased, then sounded muffled.
He looked up the length of her body to see her hand across her mouth to stifle her cries. While still also using his fingers, he sucked her clit into his mouth. Her entire body stiffened and then convulsed as her cream flooded his mouth.
“Oh, god,” she blew out a breath, and her legs relaxed on his shoulders as if deflated.
He withdrew from her and placed her legs on the bed before crawling up her body. Paige tugged off the headphones, tossing them to the side of the bed, and reached for him.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his lips before reaching for his cock. He groaned when she wrapped her fingers around him and guided him to her core. Knowing how wet she was, he entered her in one stroke, and she clenched around him. It felt like intense heat and pure ecstasy.
“Paige. You feel amazing. I’m not going to last long.”
“Fuck me, Blake.” She tilted her hips up, taking him deeper, and that was his undoing. In a repeat of last week, he said the same words he’d used before: “Paige, look at me.”
She opened her eyes, passion swimming in the hazel depths.
He lifted up and sat back, grabbing her behind the knees. He pushed them to her chest, opening her up. And just like last week, she grasped onto his biceps.
“See what you do to me? You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever met.” Letting one of her legs drop, he rubbed his thumb on her clit and thrust into her over and over.
“Yes! Blake, I’m coming!” she whisper-yelled.
Her body arched as she clenched around him, ripping his orgasm from him. Pleasure, almost blinding in its intensity, rolled through him in waves.
When he felt like he finally caught his breath, he opened his eyes to see her grinning at him. “We did that,” she said.
Lowering himself onto her, he snaked an arm under her and rolled them, so they were lying on their sides facing each other. “Yeah, we did that,” he huffed out and then kissed her. A slow, tender kiss.
“I’ll be right back.” He almost fell out of bed but managed to get his rubbery legs under him. She’d wrecked him, but in the best possible way.
He came back with a warm washcloth and cleaned her; thankful she wasn’t as shy this time. “I’m going to turn off the lights downstairs.” He gave her another quick kiss before getting up again. After tossing the washcloth in the clothes hamper, he went downstairs, turned off the lights, and checked that the doors were locked.
Back upstairs, he found Paige in the bathroom brushing her teeth. He did the same. It felt truly domestic, and for a brief moment, he wondered if they could be more than friends with benefits. Then he remembered the sailor the curse had shown him two days ago and he knew he should stick with his original plan to guard his heart. Although, it might not matter because he was doomed for heartache.