Page 33 of Crossroads

THIRTY-TWO

I can’t do this anymore.

That thought runs through my head over and over as I eat quietly with my family. Kelly sent food with me over to my parents’ house with strict instructions to sit down with them and enjoy the holiday as a family.

It’s been awkward and quiet the whole time—with the exception of Logan, who’s always hyper and running around happily.

My dad and I haven’t talked at all, and I’m okay with that right now. My thoughts are firmly on Emerson—my boyfriend.

A hot sort of thrill fills me at the label. It feels good. Really damn good. And it’s incredible having finally been able to say the words I love you to him and him say it to me.

Because I do love him. There’s no question.

And I can’t do this anymore.

“I’m leaving,” I blurt out, and my mom and dad both look at me, surprised. Thankfully, Logan has already excused himself from the dinner table, running to his room to play.

“Already? You haven’t even had pie,” my mom says, and I can feel her disappointment and sadness.

“No. I mean I’m leaving Kensley,” I say and only further their confusion.

My mom cocks her head to the side. “Where are you going, honey?” She doesn’t sound too upset, maybe more surprised and confused than anything.

And hey, it’s a surprise to me too. I didn’t know until a second ago, but it’s been in the back of my mind since the end of summer, if I’m honest. “California.”

My dad’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “California? Why? What’s there?”

“Someone I love,” I say. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hide this anymore. It made more sense before, when I didn’t know what the hell Emerson and I were, but now, I know. He’s my forever. And he’s not a shameful secret or anything to hide. He’s my truth. My happiness. My future.

My mom is trying to make the pieces fit and figure out what’s going on. “But not Lucy? She’s not in California.”

I smile, but I hope she doesn’t think I’m making fun of her. “No. Not Lucy. We didn’t fit. And I’m okay with that. His name is Emerson. You met him a couple of times.”

She can’t hide her surprise. “The boy who worked on the Wright farm with you?”

I nod my head. “Yes. I’m in love with him. He’s my boyfriend.”

I slowly turn to look at my dad while I let my mom process that information.

I can’t read him, but that’s not really unusual for my dad.

His voice is gruff, and it’s obvious he’s trying here .

. . to not say the wrong thing. Because at his core, my dad is now and always was a good man.

Who loves me. “I didn’t know you were gay.

” It’s a statement, but I hear a little bit of question there, and I can’t blame him for that.

“I’m not,” I say, and his brow furrows in confusion, so I continue, explaining it the best I can, “I never knew I could be attracted to a guy. I was always attracted to females, but then Emerson came along, and I fell in love with him. Nothing else matters. Honestly, I’ve only ever fallen for two people in my life.

One happened to be female and one male. Not sure what that makes me, but I know it doesn’t matter to me. ”

I hate that I hold my breath when my parents share a look. The label on my sexuality doesn’t matter to me, but what if it matters to them? “Okay,” my father says. “Okay. That’s good.”

My turn to be surprised. “Yeah?”

“Of course, honey,” my mom says, reaching for my hand.

“We just want you happy. And it’s clear love has made you happy.

I can see it on your face when you say you love him.

” She looks at my father with a mushy smile that would normally make me gag but makes me realize just how much they love each other.

Through everything they’ve been through, they stick it out.

“I do.”

Her smile only brightens. “I should have known. I saw something that day when he came here to look for you. Emerson.” She laughs. “Of course you two are in love.” She shakes her head. “He looked so distraught at the thought that he might have lost you.”

My stomach clenches tight, but before I can think about how we could have lost each other—four years is a long time to be apart—my dad speaks again, “But you have to leave?”

I look over at him. “He’s going to college in California. I need to go there to be with him. Four years—” I sigh heavily. “I can’t take four years away from him. I don’t want to.”

They both smile at each other again and then me, but then my dad’s smile falls. “So this isn’t because of what I said . . .” He looks away for a moment, the shame written all over his face before his eyes meet mine again. “I didn’t mean what I said, son. I didn’t mean any of that.”

“I know you didn’t, Dad,” I say firmly because I know he didn’t.

“You were in pain, and I know your pride took a hit, but you don’t have to be ashamed when your body isn’t working with you.

It’s not your fault, and you don’t deserve that.

But you’re the strongest man I’ve ever known.

All I see is strength when you fall down and get back up. ”

I didn’t mean to blurt all that out, but I need him to know that.

He has to know how much of a hero he is to me.

I watch as he wipes one tear discreetly from his eye and clears his throat—not comfortable with emotions at all.

“I’m trying. I just get so pissed off. I want to go back to work. I want to provide for my family.”

“You do,” my mom cuts in, her pain apparent. “You’re our rock.”

I nod in agreement. “Working and bringing in money or not, you really are. You’re our foundation, and we need you.”

He swallows and nods. “I’m trying.”

“I know,” I say honestly. “And when I get to California, I’ll get a job, and I’ll send money home often. I don’t want you guys to worry about that.”

“Christ, son,” my dad says with a smile. “We don’t care about money. We’re going to miss you. We don’t want you to contribute though. You’re an incredible kid, and I hope you know that. You deserve to live your own life for yourself and for the man you love. We’ll be just fine.”

My mom nods and squeezes my hand. “We will. We just want you happy,” she repeats.

“Thank you,” I say, a huge weight being lifted from me. “You know Kelly will help with Logan any time. And I think she’ll be just fine with the new farmhand.”

They both nod in agreement, my dad looking at me with a little bit of mischief now. “So what are you going to do in California? Surf?”

I chuckle at that. “They have farms in California, Dad.” In fact, Kelly has mentioned a couple of contacts she has there. “I might be back in a week though, if Emerson kicks me to the curb.”

The thought makes me a little sicker than I’d like to admit, but my mom immediately scoffs at that. “Not going to happen, sweetie. You go get him. And you have the best life.”

“It’s not goodbye forever,” I say. “And I’m not leaving before pie.”

She laughs, wiping a tear from her own face and standing up, gripping my cheeks in both of her small hands. “I love you, kiddo. And it better not be forever. This will always be your home.”

“Always,” I hear my dad say when my mom kisses my forehead and then goes to grab the pie.

I nod, knowing it’s the truth but also knowing Emerson is my home—wherever we are.

We can make a home.

It only took me a few days to get everything in order to go to California and then another few days to drive there, all my possessions bundled in the back of my truck.

I haven’t told Emerson I’m coming because I can just feel he would tell me I don’t have to do it. He’s stubborn and would argue with me. But I need him to finish college, and I need to be with him while he does it. So this is the best solution.

I just hope he thinks so too.

Because when I drive up to his dorm, the nerves really kick in. This could have been a huge mistake. Not coming to be with him—that I’m 100 percent sure of—but doing it without talking to him first. Yeah, he might be pissed at me.

I send him a quick text to find out where he is, and when he says his dorm, I tell him to come out front.

I don’t get another text, but it’s not long at all before the front door to the dorm is bursting open and Emerson is running out to me, wearing only a pair of gym shorts. No shirt, no shoes, but he doesn’t seem to care as he jumps into my arms and attacks me with a frantic kiss.

“Are you really here?”

I nod against his lips, wrapping my arms around him and not letting him go. “I am.”

“How? You took a week off? Again? Did Kelly faint when you said you wanted another vacation? Because you never take time off.”

His obvious excitement gives me the confidence I need. “I quit.” He pulls back to look at me, his eyes wide with shock. “Respectfully, of course. She was happy for me. For us.”

“You quit your job on the farm?” He gently pulls out of my hold and then looks at my truck, the bags and boxes in the back glaringly obvious. “You . . .” His eyes flick back to mine. “You’re here.”

I nod my head slowly. “I’m going to find a place to stay here while you’re in college.

” He starts to open his mouth, and I know it’s to argue, so I quickly close the gap between our bodies and cover his mouth with my palm.

“I’ve thought about it a lot. This is where you belong for now.

You need to go to college here. It’s your dream school.

And I need to work on a farm. Kelly has some friends here who are going to give me a shot.

So I have a job on a farm. My family is fine.

We talked, and it was good. I’m going to miss the hell out of them, but I can call and visit.

Send money, even when they object. I want to be with you. ”

All I can see are his eyes as he takes in the information, and there’s a little stubbornness and anger there, but not as much as I expected. I remove my hand, and he remains quiet for a minute. Looking back at my truck and then me. “I love you.”

A startled laugh comes out of me, and I grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I love you so damn much. Are you sure this is what you want?”

I nod immediately. “Yes. No doubts. None. Is this what you want?”

He wraps his arms around my neck. “I’ve never wanted anything more.

But we won’t stay here forever.” This time he covers my mouth before I can argue.

“It’s a partnership. We work together. I never in a million years thought I could be happy in a small town in Kansas, but I fell in love with Kensley every bit as much as I fell in love with you.

So the goal will be to finish college here . . .”

“And travel,” I say through his hand, the words garbled, but he understands what I’m saying.

“And travel,” he repeats. “But the goal will be to get back to Kensley. Deal?”

I nod my head, and he removes his hand, but I don’t need to say anything else. I seal my mouth over his, and I kiss him hard.

Deal.