Page 14 of Crossroads

THIRTEEN

I don’t know why Jasper’s clear discomfort when we ran into his former coaches bothers me so much.

I was content to pretend like nothing happened, but then seeing him so clearly freaked out—like they could read our minds about what happened—just pissed me off.

He’s ashamed of me?

Really? As far as I’m concerned, I’m the one who was slumming it.

And okay—that’s not true. But I’m angry. He tried to pretend I wasn’t anyone. Like he wanted me to disappear.

It’s not logical to be upset, but I am.

Nothing about whatever this is with Jasper has been logical.

We just passed through Kensley and are on a gravel road near my aunt and uncle’s, and I can’t take it anymore. The steer John wanted is in the back, but I don’t even think about it when I jerk the wheel to the side, coaxing Jasper to pull over.

He quickly gains control of the truck, cursing and then pulling over to the side of the gravel road like I wanted. “What the fuck is your problem? Are you trying to get us killed?”

I roll my eyes at his dramatics. We were only going about thirty miles per hour, and no one else is on this road. “Get over it.”

“Get over it? You could have wrecked us,” he says, his steely green eyes locked on mine, his chest puffing in and out with rage.

I’ll take rage over shame any day.

“Not over that.” I glare at him. “Over what happened between us last night.”

He bristles, and I see a flush come over his neck and go up to his ears. “Nothing happened.”

I snort, my hand absently running over the very slight—yet still very there—bruises on my neck from the way his hand grasped me while we came. His eyes move down to where my fingers are brushing over the bruises, and I watch his pupils blow and him swallow tightly.

“Right. Nothing,” I mock him, and his eyes snap up to mine.

“You couldn’t have covered that shit? Was that there this morning?”

“You mean when we ran into your coaches? Yeah, it was there. I don’t think they noticed though.”

I don’t think anyone would notice unless they’re looking really closely, like he is now.

Like I was this morning when I looked into the mirror after brushing my teeth.

The evidence of our actions the night before making my dick so hard I had to jack off before we left to get some semblance of relief.

He looks like he’s going to be sick, and I almost feel bad for him. Almost. But not quite. So what if we hooked up?

Yeah, I was a little shell-shocked from it last night, afraid of how he was going to react, but now that I’ve had time to reflect, it’s not that big of a deal. He’s hot. There’s no denying that.

The guy is sexy. In a brooding—might punch me in the face, farm-boy sort of way. But what we did last night wasn’t wrong, and it’s pissing me off that he clearly disagrees.

“It happened,” I say, my eyes locked on his. “It doesn’t make you less of a man.”

“I know that,” he snaps, but I’m not so sure he does. Who knows what growing up in Kensley has done to his head? I was shocked to find out he had gay football coaches, I’m not going to lie. But I would think that should make it easier for Jasper.

To see two pillars of the community out and proud. Married and settled. Buying a donkey together, for Christ’s sake. But if anything, it only seemed to rattle him more.

“I’m going to drive us to the farm, and you’re going to keep your fucking hands off my steering wheel, you hear me?” His nostrils flare, and I see the threat in his eyes. “Drop it.”

“Fine,” I say because what else can I do? He wants to pretend it didn’t happen? Fucking fine.

I’ll deal.

He drives us the rest of the way to the farm, and he’s out of the driver’s seat as soon as he puts it in park. I think he’s going to dart into the barn and far away from me, but we’re immediately joined by Kelly and her bright, shiny smile.

“Boys! You made it,” she says, embracing us both in hugs.

I can’t really hide my neck from her, but her eyes aren’t on me.

And I’m relieved, not because I’m ashamed or because I think she’ll be upset, but because I don’t feel like explaining it to her.

And well . . . my aunt is nosey. Not in a malicious or unkind way, but in a way she would want to help.

She’s a fixer, my aunt. That’s for damn sure.

“Jasper, sweetie. I have to tell you something, okay?”

Worry races through me, and I’m not even sure why.

I don’t know what his family dynamic is—but the fact that his mom had to grab that extra shift and looked so tired doesn’t really scream stability.

I think maybe it could be something to do with Logan, and I watch him carefully, his whole body going rigid as he looks to my aunt for answers. “My dad?”

“Oh, no, sweetie.” She moves closer to him and puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Not your dad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just Millie the cow.”

I frown at that. “You named a cow after your daughter?” I ask, even though this conversation is clearly not for me.

“I did,” Jasper says sharply, apparently annoyed that I’m still here. He addresses Kelly. “What’s wrong with her?”

He looks almost as worried as if the news would have been about his father, his face ashen with worry. “She cut her foot on something. I’m not sure what. But don’t worry. We called the vet, and she came out here to clean it and give her stitches. She’s fine, but she’s in the barn.”

Jasper nods his head, his head swiveling to the barn. Kelly pats him one more time, and then Jasper is off, heading into the barn, I guess to whisper sweet nothings into his cow’s ears.

“He knows it’s just a cow, right?” I ask coldly.

Kelly’s eyes meet mine as she raises one perfectly shaped brow at me. “It’s his favorite one. And he has a connection with all the animals out here.”

I snort, mocking him, and it’s clear Kelly doesn’t like it at all from the stern look she gives me. “Sorry,” I quickly apologize.

“It’s why I hired him,” she says, walking around to the back of the trailer, and I follow her. “He loves animals. That much was very clear from the second he first came here. And the animals trusted him. I knew then I could too.”

“And here I got bit by a tiny kitten,” I try to joke but look down at my feet, feeling uneasy about that fact. She seems so proud of Jasper and his love for animals.

“Well, maybe Jasper can help you connect a little more with the animals around here.”

“Yeah, I can’t even imagine connecting with humans, let alone animals,” I say honestly, my voice raw.

I feel her soft hand grip my chin and gently lift it up, so I’m looking into her eyes. “Oh, my dear nephew, animals are far superior to humans. Connect with them, and you’re golden.”

That makes me smile, though I’m not really even sure why. There’s something about my aunt—something that settles me like never before. I’ve never had that presence in my life. It’s hard for me to imagine her being related to my mother.

My mother, who really couldn’t care less about me.

“Has your mom called you recently?” Damn mind reader.

I carefully pull out of her hold and shake my head. “Nah. That would require effort on her part.” Her lips are pursed in a tight line now, clearly not pleased with that. I have to ask her, “Was she always like that? Cold?”

I feel stupid asking it—like a sad kid or something, but I want to know.

Kelly seems to think about it for a solid moment and then sighs softly.

“We didn’t have the easiest start in life.

Our parents . . . they were um . . .” I wait for her to go on.

I don’t know anything about my grandparents.

My mother has never brought them up, and the few times I did, I was silenced harshly and quickly.

“They were very religious. Heavily involved in the church here. We were even homeschooled for most of our lives because they didn’t want us around the townspeople. ”

“Yikes,” I say, horrified.

“Yeah. But your mother, she was different.”

“Different how?”

“Rebellious,” my aunt says with a smile on her face, like she’s almost proud of her sister for that. “She used to dream so big. She’d make me dream with her. We’d talk about getting out of Kensley and going to college for hours.”

I swallow hard because obviously, that’s not what happened. At least not for Kelly.

“But when I was a teenager, I met John and fell in love. We got married and started having babies right away.” She looks proud of that fact too. Not one regret showing on her face about the way her life worked out. But her smile fades as her eyes find mine. “Your mother was so disappointed in me.”

“It was your life,” I say.

She nods, sniffing a little. “It was, and it was what I wanted. I think I always wanted that life. The big-city life your mom wanted was her dream. But I was always happy to listen to it.”

“What happened?” I ask, having a pretty good idea.

“She graduated from high school. And she wanted to go to college, but our parents refused to pay for college for a daughter.”

“Gross,” I say honestly.

She smiles and nods. “Agreed,” she sighs.

“Your mother was so upset. I talked to John about possibly helping her out, but we had two babies at that point and were just starting the farm.” I can hear the guilt in her voice.

“Maria took off. I didn’t hear from her for four years, and I have no idea what she did during that time.

But then she called me one day out of the blue.

She was getting married to your father and invited me to the wedding. ”

“Did you go?”

She shakes her head sadly. “No. I was nine months pregnant with two little ones. I didn’t make the drive. I felt terrible about it and didn’t hear from her for years after that.” She wipes at her eyes, her guilt palpable. “Not until I got a card in the mail from her. A sonogram picture inside.”

“She told you when she was pregnant with me?”

She nods, a sad smile on her face. “She was so happy, Emerson. She wrote a lot after that. Back and forth. She’d tell me about you and how you were doing. She bragged all the time.”

I snort. “Hate to tell you how that all turned out, Aunt Kelly, but she was sorely disappointed.”

“I don’t think that’s true, Emerson,” she says firmly. “You were her pride and joy. Still are. When she called me about a job for you, I could hear the worry in her voice and the care she has for you.”

“She threw me away,” I say with a little more hostility to my voice than I meant, but it’s a tough subject for me.

“She didn’t. She just wants the best for you. She loves you.”

She moves in to hug me, but I step away, hoping it’s not too obvious that I’m trying to avoid her. I look up at the front of the house and see John standing there. I clear my throat and look at Kelly, hating the hurt I see on her face. “I should help John get the steer into his new home.”

Her lips are pursed in worry, but she clears her throat also and then nods. “When you’re done, grab Jasper and bring him into the main house. It’s almost dinnertime.”

“Okay,” I say, my voice scratchy with emotion.

I shouldn’t push my aunt away. I know she cares. But I also think she’s a bit biased in this situation.

It’s her sister.

Of course she wants to believe the best about her.

I just know better.