Page 20 of Crossroads

NINETEEN

These Kensley people are something else. They’re all gathered in the street. Dancing. It’s a literal street dance.

And they all look so damn happy.

There are street vendors and a live band playing. Lots of people crammed together, all chatting and seeming to know each other. I should feel like an outsider looking in, but somehow, I don’t.

Kelly and John are here, holding each other close and dancing. Millie has asked me to dance a couple of times, and so have some of her friends, but the only one I actually want to dance with—I can’t.

Because this is Kensley, Kansas, and I don’t see one same-sex couple dancing. Though, I know there have to be some here somewhere. Where the hell are the football coaches?

Not that Jasper would be ready to dance with me, even if they were here dancing together.

I saw that flash of fear in his eyes when I brought up the street dance.

He’s clearly not ready for that, and since we’re talking about this thing ending at the end of summer anyway, I kind of doubt he ever will be.

I mean, what’s the point of letting everyone know you’re with a guy when you’re not really with him anyway, and you plan to go back to your pretty little girlfriend at the end of summer?

Do I seem bitter?

Maybe a little.

“Well Jasper, honey. How are you?” I hear a sweet voice just as I turn to look at an older woman approaching us where Millie, Jasper, and I are standing on the curb, just watching the others.

“Hi, Mrs. Jensen. I’m good.”

“That’s good to hear. You’re such a good boy.” I swear she actually pinches his cheeks, and he lets her. “How’s your dad? I heard he had another surgery.”

I don’t miss the way Jasper stiffens, and Millie gives me a look that says she doesn’t either. He quickly recovers though, giving her a strained smile. “He’s doing pretty good. Thank you for asking.”

“Well, we’ll keep praying for him.”

“Appreciate it, Mrs. Jensen,” he says, and she waves happily before taking off toward someone else she recognizes.

We watch her go, and I nudge his shoulder. “Jensen? As in Sally Jensen?” I ask.

Millie cackles. “Ha! You told him about the rock incident?”

We both snicker, and Jasper scowls, but he can’t hide his smile. “She’s fucking crazy.”

Millie nods in agreement. “No kidding. She’s dating Tucker, you know? I guess that big fucker can handle her. Maybe.”

“He’s a teddy bear. He better watch out,” Jasper says, and I like this. I had friends back in the city, sure, but not like this. I feel . . . at ease. Calm.

Calmer than I ever have before.

That is until I see a familiar figure walking toward us through the crowd.

Lucy. Her blonde hair is pulled up in a pretty ponytail.

She’s wearing just enough makeup to stand out but not so much that it’s overwhelming.

Her jean shorts are short, and her shirt is cropped, but it doesn’t scream look at me like it would on some girls.

She’s too perfect, and I kind of hate her for it.

“Hi, guys,” she says so sweetly I want to puke. But it’s real. She’s not putting on a show, and it only makes me hate her more.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“Hey, Luce.” I fucking hate the soft tone Jasper has for her, his eyes flashing with familiar warmth.

“Wanna dance?” she asks, her sweet smile like poison in my gut.

“Sure,” he answers and takes her small hand in his, and I really do think I might vomit.

I watch them walk off, jealousy burning my insides at how perfect they look together. “You okay?” I jolt when I hear Millie’s voice and turn to look at her watching me very carefully.

“Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You look a little homicidal right now,” she says, her eyes full of questions that I can’t and won’t answer.

“I’m fine. Just bored. This is lame,” I say, and I know I’m not convincing. “I think I’m going to take off.”

“You rode here with us.”

I wave her off as I start to walk away, unable to watch Jasper and Lucy, with him twirling her around on the street dance floor, laughing away. What if he kisses her? Or she kisses him? Would he kiss her back? “I’ll find a ride,” I barely say as I quickly stumble away, winding through the crowd.

I don’t wait for her to say anything back. I just need to get away from here.

He wants his girl back. Fine. It’s none of my business. I’m nothing to him anyway. Clearly.

I find a group of guys around my age who have a bottle of tequila, passing it around like it’s no big deal and like there aren’t tons of cops at this event. They don’t seem worried about getting busted, and at the moment, I really couldn’t give a fuck.

I take several swigs with them before stumbling off down the street, feeling the liquor, but really just a slight buzz. It’s mostly rage and jealousy pushing me on as I wander the darker streets of Kensley.

I walk further and further away from the street dance when I see a tall, white water tower with the word Kensley spelled out in big black letters.

Huh. Been a while since I’ve climbed a water tower.

I don’t think about it either, just hop up the ladder, taking my time. But before I know it, I’m already about halfway up, the gentle breeze of summer air feeling good on my overheated face.

But then I nearly slip when I hear Jasper’s booming voice coming from the ground. “What the fuck are you doing?”

I laugh, swinging out and holding on with one hand. “Jasper! So nice of you to join me.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” he repeats, and I see he’s standing there with Millie, both of their arms crossed and worried scowls on their mouths. They should know I’m unbreakable by now.

I reach for the rung with my hand and pull myself up another step. “I’m climbing the water tower. You guys should come up. Wait till you see the view.” I look down at Jasper. “Hey, maybe you can see your favorite cow from here.”

I chuckle to myself and then face the tower again, going up another step.

“Stop climbing. Get your ass back down here before you break your neck.”

I laugh bitterly. “As if you fucking care about that, Jassssper.” Okay maybe I had a little bit too much to drink after all because I kind of sing his name.

He walks closer to the tower, standing at the very bottom. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means you and Lucy looked awfully cozy out there. The perfect couple.” I look down at him. “So pretty. I bet the townsfolk are buzzing with the news of you two being back together. Will it be a fall wedding?” I ask with mock excitement and then look back up at the ladder.

Whoa. I’m really high up here already, but I’m determined to make it.

“This is about Lucy? Seriously?” He sounds annoyed. Good. So am I.

“Nope. I’m happy for you. I’m celebrating!” I say and let go of one rung to swing my arm out again to show him just how happy I am—but nearly fall and grab on for dear life, my legs shaking.

“Holy fuck,” I hear Jasper gasp.

“Get down, Emerson. Don’t make me call my mother,” Millie says, and I don’t like that she sounds genuinely scared.

“I’m fine,” I say again, still clinging to the ladder.

“You’re not fine,” Jasper snaps. “Get down.”

“Make me,” I taunt and climb up again.

“Please.” I’m reaching for the next rung on the ladder when his garbled plea comes, and I stop. My shoulders hunch, and I huff.

He’s scared. He’s actually afraid for me, and even though I’m pissed off and jealous and okay maybe a little drunk . . . I can’t do that to him. I slowly make my way down the ladder until my feet hit the ground.

I expect him to be happy, but he gathers my shirt collar and shoves me back against the water towel, snarling, “What the hell is the matter with you? You get jealous, so you decide to get yourself killed?”

“I’m alive,” I say and push him back, smoothing out my collar when his hands release me, then look over at Millie, who doesn’t seem all that surprised by Jasper’s outburst.

“You could have died or worse, got yourself hurt. Did you even think about that? About one mistake ruining the rest of your life?”

Oh.

Shit.

He looks away from me, but I can still see the despair there. Him thinking about his father and his injury. About all the shit he’s still going through because of one injury. “I’m sorry,” I breathe, and I mean it.

“Get in the truck,” he says, his voice cracking, but I don’t argue. I walk over to the truck that’s still running and let Millie sit in the middle before climbing into the passenger seat.

Jasper drives us home in complete silence, and I start to sober up, feeling like a total asshole. When we all get out of the truck, Millie surprises the hell out of me by wrapping her arms around my waist. “Don’t do that again.”

“I won’t,” I say, hugging her back a little awkwardly before she releases me with a sly smile. “Have fun, boys. Don’t keep the animals up too late.”

With that, she looks over at the barn and then at both of us and winks before going into the house and closing the door behind her.

I turn to look at Jasper and raise one brow. He shakes his head. “I didn’t tell her, but Millie is way smarter than all of us.”

That’s true. I’m not surprised she figured us out, especially after the way Jasper manhandled me at the water tower. I wonder if he’s forgiven me yet because just the thought of it makes my dick hard.

I look at the scowl on his face and shrink back a little. Guess not. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Not here.” He takes my hand and leads me into the barn. We go up to his loft apartment, and he closes the door but sadly isn’t getting naked. I sigh and take a seat next to him when he sits down on his bed.

“Why did you do that? How can you be so reckless?”

“It’s just kind of how I am, I guess.” The moment is sobering, and I feel slightly ashamed. Something I’m used to feeling but never showing. Every time I’d get into trouble back home, I’d double down. Never apologize. Make it seem like I didn’t care how mad they were. How disappointed.

But I really care about Jasper’s disappointment. Too much not to show it.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I guess I had too much to drink, and it looked fun.”

It’s clear he’s not buying it. His brow is hitched up high and his scowl only deepening. “You weren’t having fun. You were jealous.”

“Of what?” I laugh coldly. “You and your perfect little girlfriend? That was always the plan, right?”

“You’re being a prick,” he says, his voice low and serious.

I don’t like it. “I’m being honest,” I say, my eyes snapping to his. “This thing with us is hot. I fucking love exploring your body and making you come, but it has an end date. You know it. And so do I.”

He moves closer to me on the bed, his expression intense. “I don’t want Lucy.” His hand wraps around the back of my neck, and he brings our foreheads together, breathing hard. “It was just a dance.”

“With the girl you love,” I say, thinking about the bowling alley. About the passion. How hurt he was. How much he missed her.

He shakes his head, his forehead brushing brutally against mine. “I don’t know if what we had was ever love. She tossed me away so easily. She wants a different life from me. She doesn’t want me.”

“She’s an idiot,” I say softly without venom, but it hurts how deeply I feel that sentiment. She could have him. She could’ve had all of him forever, and he’d have been so good to her.

“I don’t love her.” He says it firmly, his hand curling around the back of my neck and squeezing.

I want him to say the words he’s not. The words I’m too chicken to ask him to say. To say myself.

But he doesn’t, and it’s better that way. I know it.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat.

He nods and then his lips brush over mine, healing a piece of my heart and making it throb in my chest. Just for him.

Jasper.