Page 21 of Crossroads

TWENTY

“So you’re fucking my cousin . . .” Millie says very quietly, standing next to me at the booth during one of the busiest farmers’ market days we’ve seen so far this summer.

I nudge her with my elbow, even though she was quiet. “Jesus, Mills.”

She cackles and then takes a twenty from a woman buying goat’s milk soap and gives her change before waving and then turning right back to me. “How long?”

I look over at John and Kelly, who are helping other customers just a few feet away, and then over at Emerson, who’s busy unloading more corn from the back of the truck because we sold out. “Not too long.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “I don’t know who to threaten. I mean, you’re my best friend, but he’s blood.”

“Why do you need to threaten either of us?” I ask, pretty grateful for my best friend at the moment. I mean, who wouldn’t be? It’s clear me suddenly being with a guy hasn’t bothered her at all.

Not that it should. Or that I’m all that surprised. Millie’s a cool human. Always has been. Always will be.

“Because you’re both morons who’ll likely hurt each other,” she answers whimsically, like it’s just a fact.

One I don’t like but one that really probably is a fact. She’s not wrong. We’re morons. Watching him nearly fall off that water tower nearly stopped my fucking heart.

I’ve never been so scared in my life.

“We’re just fooling around,” I say, shrugging my shoulders and hoping I pull it off.

My gaze roams back over to Emerson though.

He’s wearing a black tank top today, no flannel on top since farmers’ markets are fairly safe.

His muscles bulge every time he reaches for more bundles of corn, and I feel my throat go dry at the sight.

“Good lord. Stop looking at him like that,” she whispers. “I’m guessing you don’t want anyone else to know.” Millie is enjoying this far too much.

“Nothing to know,” I try, and she snorts loudly, pulling her parents’ attention.

I glare at her, and she just laughs again. “Oh Jasper. You’re too funny,” she says, her eyes all lit up.

Emerson looks over at us in question, and I just shake my head, grumbling as I help a new customer with their order.

It feels a little too real with Millie knowing about us, but a big part of me wants to walk over to Emerson, pull him to me and kiss him hard. Claim him as mine.

But he’s not.

So I don’t.

But only because I can’t.

“You sure no one will come looking for us?” Emerson asks, his arms around my neck as we swim naked in the pond.

We only got back about an hour ago from the farmers’ market, but since we sold pretty much everything, we didn’t have much to unload, and we already took care of most of the chores before we left.

“Nah. Kelly said she was going to take a nap, and John is watching the History Channel,” I say, kissing his lips and running my fingers through his wet hair. “We have a while.”

He smiles against my mouth. “And Millie?”

“She said she was going into town to hang out with friends.” My dick is hard, and I can feel his pressing against me, but I’m not really in a hurry to do anything about it quite yet.

I splash him and break away, swimming away from him before he catches me again and splashes me. We swim together for a while until we both decide to climb out and lie in the grass, letting the sun dry our bodies.

“I have to go check on my parents tomorrow,” I say solemnly. Dreading it.

“Did something happen?” he asks, concern dripping from his voice.

“Nothing new. It’s just been a while since I’ve been there.” I lie back and try to bask in the sun, feeling like a total failure.

“Hey,” he says, sidling up to me and laying his head on my chest. “From everything you’ve told me, your dad is strong.”

“He is,” I say, closing my eyes. “He’s too strong. He holds it all on himself. He wants to go back to work. He can’t. Watching him like this . . .” I roll my head to the side to look at him, opening my eyes reluctantly. “It’s torture. He used to be so happy.”

“He’s not now?”

I swallow hard, hating to think about it. “Sometimes. He tries, but he’s miserable. Stuck in a body that won’t work the way he wants it to. Feeling useless, even though we all tell him he’s not. That we need him.”

“That has to be hard for him. Someone who’s worked doing hard labor his whole life and can’t now. Wanting to support his family.”

“It’s the fucking worst,” I agree. “It’s like he lost this huge chunk of himself. I’m such a coward, Emerson.”

His brow furrows at that. “How are you a coward?”

“I can’t face him. I go there and see if my mom needs help with anything. I play with my brother and then beg my mom to take my check and do whatever she needs to do with it. And then I leave. Seeing him like that . . .”

I stop talking because I feel too guilty.

“I don’t think there’s a handbook for this kind of thing.

None of you saw it coming, and hell, you were a kid when it happened.

You’ve done your best,” he says firmly, even though he doesn’t know what I’ve done.

Not really. “I know you, Jasper.” His eyes meet mine fiercely like he can read my thoughts.

“You work your ass off here. You give as much as you can to them, and you’re there for them. ”

“I’m not,” I argue. “I toss money, and I run,” I say, the words nearly getting caught in my throat.

“You’re amazing.” His hands grip my face and don’t let go, even when I try to pull away. “You. Are. Amazing. Most people would crumble under the pressure of all that. You’re eighteen.”

“Almost nineteen,” I just have to say, and it gets a small smile from him as I desired.

His forehead presses against mine. “It’ll get better. You’ll all find what you need. And if you can only be physically there for a little while at a time, that’s okay. We all cope in our own ways.”

“You’re pretty wise for a city boy,” I say, wanting to lighten the mood because it’s just too heavy.

He grins and kisses me hard. “Get dressed. We have chores to do, and then I’ll show you more things I’m good at. I’m not just good at the advice.”

I laugh, unable to stop it and do what he says, getting dressed quickly to rush through to get to tonight.

When we can really be alone. It feels like that’s always what I’m working toward these days, and I don’t hate it. Everyone needs motivation.

And I don’t really care what he has planned as long as it involves him and me.