Page 46

45

LIA

I looked to my side and took in Mael’s profile as he drove the familiar road.

We were actually doing something… fun.

And I was determined for it to be fun. To not think about my dad or Leo or… Victoria, who had been ignoring my calls.

I should take the hint and leave her alone. After what she said, she obviously wanted nothing to do with me, making it so much harder for me to make sense of the fact that she was actually my most enduring friendship. I’d made friends easily as a child, but the older I got, the harder it became.

When I met her in college, I had been alone. Most of my high school friends had moved on with their lives, going in separate directions from me, and I didn’t try to keep in contact with them.

At that time, Caden was still alive, and I only cared about him and my relationship with him. But when Victoria showed up and shoved herself into my life, working hard to gain my friendship… it had been nice to have someone to talk to, to share my thoughts and feelings with who wasn’t family.

Which didn’t make any sense how she could so easily just throw it away now.

I frowned.

I was doing the one thing I said I wouldn’t do—thinking about all the bad things in my life now and not focusing on the fact that Mael was taking me out on a date.

He placed his hand on my thigh, drawing my attention.

“Why are you frowning?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Just thinking about things I shouldn’t be.”

“Yeah? Anything I can help with?”

I nodded. “Yes. Let’s have fun today.”

He grinned, making my heart do that weird flip-flop thing it only did in his presence. “Fun. I can do that.”

I grabbed his hand and held it in my lap for the rest of the ride there, playing with his fingers and letting his touch soothe me.

Mael finally pulled up to the parking spot of the hiking trail he had taken me to before.

I got out and stretched my muscles, taking in the fresh air. Unlike the first time we came here, the sky was clear blue despite the slight chill around us. We were getting deeper into the fall. It was a surprise the snowfall we had wasn’t as vicious as I knew it could be. I was glad and counted all my small blessings as they came.

Winters in New York were not known for being kind or gentle.

Mael stepped up beside me and held out his hand. I grabbed it and let him lead me up to the trail, our feet crunching on the gravel and a few small patches of ice left by last week’s snow.

My eyes fell to his fit physique. He had on a white sleeveless shirt that showed off his muscular arms, along with the few black tribal line tattoos near his biceps, despite the chilly weather. I could see flashes of the smiling clown face on his pecs through the armholes every time he moved. I let my eyes fall down to the black sweatpants he had on that did amazing things to his butt before moving back up and taking in the full length of his body.

It never ceased to amaze me how he could send a fluttering of butterflies to my insides just from simply existing.

He turned back and looked at me, his blue eyes glinting in amusement. “Enjoy the view, kitten?”

“Absolutely,” I said.

He laughed, the sound sending a wave of happiness through me.

God, but I fucking love you.

I know he heard me whispering it to his back the night I had decided to leave him. It felt like a lifetime ago, and I hadn’t been able to bring myself to admit it again since he found me at the cabin—not to myself, and certainly not to him, but now…

I wanted to tell him.

But there was a small insecure part of me that was afraid he might not say it back.

He had to love me, didn’t he?

Men didn’t usually act as crazy as he did if it wasn’t love.

But I was afraid that while he loved me, he might not recognize that feeling, and it might just freak him out.

I shook my head over my own thoughts. Instead of trying to analyze him, perhaps I should analyze myself. Most would call me crazy for falling in love with my stalker… who also happens to be a hitman.

Mael stopped when we came to an open space with the same fallen log we had sat on the first time we were here. I watched as he took off his backpack and pulled out a couple of sandwiches and water bottles.

I looked around at the quiet stillness of the surrounding space. It was as if the world had pushed the pause button, giving us a chance to breathe properly for the first time.

“You like it here,” I commented when he handed me a sandwich. I unwrapped it and noticed the turkey meat briefly before taking a big bite.

“Yes,” Mael answered. “It’s peaceful.”

I shook my head. “It’s more than that.”

He looked sideways at me before taking a bite of his own sandwich. He didn’t say anything for a few long seconds, just chewed his food. Then, “Remember how I told you they kept Theo and me in a factory before?”

I nodded, hating that he even had to experience that, and at such a young age. Theo too.

“There was a small window in the cell they kept us in. Theo and I would take turns looking out sometimes when things got to be too much. Since we were in the middle of nowhere, the only scenery was the mountains and trees a good distance away. I just remember thinking how peaceful it looked. I made a promise to myself that if we ever left that hellhole, we would go hiking. We did just that a few years down the line when things were better for us, and we didn’t have to worry so much about watching our backs. By then, we had grown enough—changed enough—that if Leo ever saw us on the street, he wouldn’t have recognized us. Theo didn’t much care for it—the hiking. But I liked it.”

I looked back down at my sandwich, feeling sadness wash over me for all that he had to endure and the childhood he had lost.

He pressed his fingers under my chin and tipped my head up so that I was looking at him. “I didn’t say all this to make you sad.”

I shook my head, letting him cup my cheek, then turned my face to the side and kissed the inside of his palm. He didn’t react much to the touch, but I could see in the way his eyes moved that he was affected by me.

He had to love me. There was just no way around that.

“I’m just glad you were able to escape with Theo.”

“Me too.”

“I’m surprised Leo didn’t get caught after that,” I said.

He shook his head. “About a week after we escaped, we came back and burned the damn thing to the ground. Leo managed to escape and destroyed a lot of the evidence against him. Most of the people who had been held captive were able to escape, but they couldn’t identify the men who had kept them there. This all happened when you were about eleven. You probably wouldn’t have kept up with the news, but this shit was big enough that it made national news.”

“Eleven,” I repeated. “The year my mom died?”

Was it all a coincidence, then?

“About a month before,” Mael said.

“You know when she died?”

He nodded, and something about his eyes gave me pause.

“Do you know who caused the accident?” I asked.

It had been a hit-and-run. The man who crashed into the side of my mom’s car had fled the scene. And it took a while before someone drove by and reported the accident. It took a while before we were found… I knew that much.

“I don’t.”

“But you have a suspicion?” I asked.

He didn’t answer me right away. “Yes.”

“Who?” I asked, my voice soft. So much for not letting all the bad shit touch us on our day.

“Leo.”

My sandwich fell out of my grip and onto the ground. I barely registered that.

“Why would he do that?”

“I honestly don’t know. Perhaps she found out something she wasn’t supposed to know. You and Caden were in the car with her, right?”

I nodded.

“Do you think she was running away?”

My heart stalled for one long second before picking back up again. She found out the truth and tried to run away… I shook my head.

“My brother knew about all this,” I said. I looked off to the side. It never made sense that everyone kept pushing the accidental overdose autopsy on me. Caden had been careful. I wasn’t excusing his bad habit, but I knew him.

Did… Dad and Leo kill my little brother because he found the book?

Mael wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in close to his body.

I shivered, suddenly feeling cold, but not from the chilly weather outside… everything just felt dark and tainted, and I didn’t know what to do or think anymore.

* * *

My conversation with Mael stayed with me for the rest of the day and night, making it impossible for me to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned on my side of the bed before Mael wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close to his body.

“Can’t sleep?” he muttered against my skin.

“I can’t seem to turn my brain off,” I said.

“I know how you feel.”

I turned and faced him in the dark. I could vaguely make out his features from the city lights that shone through the window. “You don’t seem to sleep much,” I said.

“Guess my body’s just used to functioning on little sleep,” he answered. I was sure it had something to do with his upbringing. Hard to allow his mind to let go of everything when he was constantly on high alert.

“That’s not good.”

He shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

“Can you hold me?” I asked. It wasn’t like Mael was in bed with me because he was sleepy. I was convinced he was only here to make sure I was okay.

“You never have to ask,” he said, pulling me in closer to him.

I felt my heart relaxing as we lay there, my head on his chest, my face turned toward the window.

I saw the first snowfall.

I gasped. Mael let out a light chuckle.

“How beautiful,” I said.

Snow had always been pretty, but with how high up we were, it felt like we were in our own little world.

It felt like we were in a snow globe. Tears stung my eyes, and I didn’t know what to make of it. Why was I reacting like this?

“If only we could stay like this forever,” I said, my voice hoarse. His arms tightened around me a bit more.

“I know, baby. I know everything feels bad right now, but it will get better.”

“You promise?”

I felt him press his lips to the top of my head. “I promise.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

We didn’t say much after that as we watched the snow fall. I let out a small yawn, feeling that restless energy abating enough for my mind to crave sleep.

“Mael?” I whispered, feeling myself close to drifting off.

“Yeah?” he responded, his voice soft.

“I love you.”

And then I let sleep take over, but not before I heard his sharp intake of breath.

* * *

Mael had to leave early.

I knew that.

He had said so the night before. Something about following up on his next target. I didn’t ask for details, and he didn’t offer any more than that.

But I was still disappointed when I woke up alone in bed. Granted, it was pushing noon. I hadn’t realized how tired I was until I woke up, and the sun shone brightly through the apartment window.

I got up and walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out. A thin blanket of pure white snow covered New York.

Even still, I could see people moving about on the street below, hitting me with a pang of yearning for my own normalcy. I hadn’t been back to the coffee shop. I was sure I had been fired from the place, not that I blamed them. Though I figured I had a pretty good chance of getting my job back, considering Mael was the fucking owner.

The thought didn’t make the fact that I was still trapped here any easier to take in though. It wasn’t like I could go back to work now. And it wasn’t like I was so passionate about my barista job that I wanted it back.

But at least while I was working at the coffee shop, my day was filled. Now I felt like a lost puppy, just waiting for Mael to come home every night, and worried sick out of my mind that he might not.

I shook away the thought before it could take root. Mael was capable. And strong. He was going to come back home to me, no matter what.

I walked away from the window and to the bathroom to get ready for my day.

I might not have a job right now, but there was something I could do. With that in mind, I felt a little better.

* * *

The elevator door pinged open, and I got up from where I had been sitting on the couch to greet Theo standing there.

“Hi,” I said awkwardly.

His facial expression didn’t change when he responded with an even “Hi.”

“Thanks for coming. Mael’s busy, and I… I didn’t know who else to call.”

I didn’t know who else I could trust at this point, and since Mael trusted Theo, I trusted him too, even if I didn’t know him all that well.

I didn’t want to think about the fact that there were only two people I could trust in this world: my former stalker and a man I didn’t know very well.

“You don’t have to thank me, but are you sure you want to do this? Have you talked about it with Mael?”

“Mael’s not the boss of me, and yes, I have thought about this. No matter how our friendship ended, I still have to tell her about Leo… and my father.”

I had decided when I woke up today that I needed to see Victoria. She wasn’t answering my calls, so the only option was to go to her. Luckily, I knew where she worked.

“All of it?” he asked. There wasn’t any judgment or reprimand in his voice. He simply sounded curious.

I shook my head. I was still trying to wrap my head around the truth about the two men I had grown up loving and trusting with everything in me.

I didn’t know how to put all that into words, let alone tell another person about it.

He nodded once, as if that was all he needed before we were off.

I snuck glances over at Theo for most of the ride there. He was quiet. There was something calming and cool about him that just contrasted with Mael that I couldn’t help noticing.

And they didn’t look the same, despite being brothers. His light-brown hair was cut short, almost like a buzz cut, and his nose was much more delicate than Mael’s. His frame was tall and lean, whereas Mael seemed to build up in bulk, though Theo wasn’t by any means scrawny. He looked like he could take care of himself, which made sense, considering how he and Mael had grown up. But his eyes…

He had Mael’s eyes.

And I hadn’t realized it until Mael told me who Leo was to him, but they both had Leo’s eyes.

“Is there something you want to ask me?” Theo didn’t sound angry. Or curious. He didn’t sound to be anything. Theo was good at looking and sounding neutral, and I realized that was just how he was most of the time, making it hard to gauge his emotions. I didn’t know which was more unnerving, the charming mask Mael could so easily put on in front of other people or Theo’s apathy.

“I was just thinking about how you and Mael don’t look all that much alike.” I could be imagining it, but I thought I saw a ghost of a smile touch his lips briefly.

“We don’t have the same mom.”

“No?” I asked, surprised. Mael had said he spent some years in foster care. I assumed Theo was right there with him. Maybe that wasn’t the case.

Theo shook his head. “No. We didn’t meet until I was put into foster care after my mom’s death. Mael was there first. I didn’t get put into the system until I was five. We hadn’t known at the time, but Leo had set it up.”

“He set it up?”

Theo nodded. “He staged our mother’s death. While he had been in the skin trade for a while, he hadn’t branched out to more than women. Mael and I were a part of the first group of… children he used.”

His breath caught when he said children , and I closed my eyes briefly, my heart hurting.

“He needed to put us in a place where he could easily find us later once he had everything set up.”

And I was sure my dad had been aware of all this at the time. I was sure my dad had joined Leo in his sick business , if not from the start, then close to it. Dad had always been close to Leo, and I had noticed that even as a child. And I was beginning to see that he would have followed Leo to the depths of hell if that was what it took to remain by his side.

I looked down at my lap. “I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago.” Theo shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. He and Mael were similar in that regard. They both pushed their pasts so far deep inside them that they were able to convince themselves it was just one of those things that happened.

“It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that you’re no longer impacted by it.”

“Perhaps,” he said, and that was all. I didn’t ask him any more questions after that. I looked out the side window, lost in thought, which was why I was so surprised when Theo pulled up to the huge corporate building where Victoria worked.

He parked on the side of the building and got out to pay the meter. I got out, too, taking in the sight. I had always been jealous that Victoria had so easily pushed herself into this job. It had felt so grown-up at the time, while I had remained hopelessly lost, working one dead-end job after the next, and had finally just settled for working at the coffee shop.

But now, I didn’t want to compare myself to Victoria anymore. I didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore. Not when she had so easily broken off our friendship.

But my conscience wouldn’t let me rest until I warned her about Leo.

I pulled out my phone and called her work number. She picked up on the second ring.

“Hello.”

“I’m at your work. Can you come down so we can talk?”

“What the hell? Why are you here?” she asked. I tried to ignore the venom in her voice.

“Please. Just a quick chat. I’m not leaving until I see you. I have something to say to you, and it’s important.”

She didn’t respond right away.

“Victoria.”

“Fine.”

I flinched when the line cut off. This was already headed in the wrong direction. I could have texted her everything about Leo, but I was afraid she might not read it or, worse, not take it seriously.

Ten minutes later, I saw her walking out of the building. She was dressed to the nines, her outfit as expensive and in style as most of the women walking around us. Her long, red hair glinted in the sunlight as she walked further away from the building, her blue eyes searching around until she found me. Victoria had always been beautiful, but how could I not have noticed just how mean she looked?

Or perhaps she only looked mean now because that warmth I had gotten from her was long gone. And I still didn’t know where it all went wrong.

She stopped when she was about a foot away from me, her eyes shifting from me to Theo standing close by. He never got back in the car. Instead, he leaned against it, his arms crossed over his chest casually.

She turned back to me. “What do you want?”

“I need to warn you about Leo?—”

She rolled her eyes and made an annoyed sound, cutting me off. “Are you serious?”

“Victoria, I am serious. There are some things you don’t know about him… about my dad, and you just need to stay away.”

She laughed. It wasn’t a humorous laugh. It was more harsh sounding than anything. I winced. “You wasted my time just to tell me this? I don’t need it, okay? And I don’t need you to try to get me away from him. And it’s rich you’re trying to warn me against them, considering what happened to Brody.”

I frowned. Brody? What did he have to do with anything? I haven’t even texted him in a long while and hadn’t planned on doing so.

I shook my head. “That’s not what this is?—”

“Save it, Lia. Okay? We wouldn’t have been friends in the first place had Leo not paid me to keep an eye on you.”

I blinked, unsure if she really said what she had just said. I could see Theo shifting from the corner of my eye. Her words seemed to bounce around in my head, with no meaning attaching itself inside my brain for me to make sense of it clearly. What did she just say?

“What?”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled viciously at me. “Did you really think I was interested in being friends with you? God, you’re so boring. And if I have to hear any more about your dead mother or dead brother, I might just kill myself.”

I flinched.

“Enough,” Theo said, walking up until he was beside me. He glared at Victoria.

She laughed. “Well, it looks like my mousy Lia found herself a protector.” I watched as her hard eyes moved from Theo to me. “I don’t know what you’ve done with Leo to make him so obsessed with you, but that’s done now. He’s mine. And I’m not staying away from him.”

“It’s not about that,” I said, getting frustrated. “I’m trying to?—”

“Warn me, blah, blah, blah.” She waved her hand in front of her face. “I don’t need it.”

I shook my head. My most enduring adult friendship had turned out to be nothing more than a lie orchestrated by Leo. What else had he taken away from me?

“Leave me alone,” she said. “I mean it.”

I didn’t call her back when she turned and walked away from me. I tried to warn her. It shouldn’t matter anymore, should it?

I didn’t know. Theo wrapped his arms around me and patted my shoulder awkwardly as if he didn’t know how to comfort anyone else. He probably didn’t.

I turned and buried my face in his chest. I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel anything. Not at all.

I was just numb.