Page 44

43

LIA

“ What child ?” I asked, trying hard not to freak out.

“Our child,” he answered casually as if the conversation about whether or not we would have kids in the future had already been discussed, when I knew for a fact it hadn’t been.

I pushed him away from me, wincing when I felt his dick slip out, along with his cum dripping out of me and down my inner thighs. Mael looked down at the sight, licking his lips as his eyes darkened and his dick twitched.

I eyed it, wondering if he was ready to go again. I didn’t think I could go again so soon after his rough treatment. But that wasn’t what was important here.

I tapped his chest to get his attention. “I’m not pregnant.”

I was sure of it. I didn’t feel pregnant, and what was more, I was on birth control.

He shot me a small smile, infuriating me.

“Maybe not,” he conceded, only to turn that around by saying, “Or maybe.”

“Why would it be a maybe? We’re careful.”

More than that, I was careful. Despite all that went on, I had never missed a pill. And I usually managed to take it at the same time every day.

I blinked and looked back at Mael, who was nothing more than a picture of ease.

He wouldn’t…

That would be crazy, even for Mael.

He winked at me.

No, that would be…

“I’m not pregnant,” I repeated as if saying it so many times would make it true.

I pulled away and leaned toward the bedside table, reaching into the drawer and pulling out my birth control pills. Mael watched me the entire time, not saying anything. I took out two little pills and looked at them. They looked the same.

But I…

I wasn’t sure.

“What did you do?” I asked, letting my gaze focus back on him.

“Replaced your pills with a placebo. No way in fucking hell would I let anything in between us.”

“These are pills, not condoms. There isn’t anything between us,” I said, trying to hold onto my calm and feeling a big headache throbbing in the center of my forehead and spreading.

He shrugged like he hadn’t done anything wrong. I should be pissed. I was.

But there was a part of me that wasn’t even surprised anymore.

That didn’t make it right. I reacted without thinking and slapped him in the face.

He didn’t say or do anything for a moment. I didn’t either, freezing.

I was not a violent person. At least, I hadn’t been before I met Mael. He just knew how to bring that out of me.

I took in a deep breath. “Why would you do something as unhinged, as dumb as that?”

I watched as he settled against the headboard. “You’re mine. And I’m yours.”

“Yes, but that’s not a reason to bring a child into this world. Especially with all that is going on.”

“I planned for this to be over within nine months’ time.”

I threw my hands up. “That is ridiculous. How much time has passed since you wanted to take revenge on Leo?”

“Too fucking long,” he answered.

“And what makes you think this will be over in nine months?”

I was going to ignore the fact that he thought I was pregnant now and would be giving birth in nine months.

“Because now I have the motivation to end it once and for all,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. I resisted at first, but even I knew it was a futile fight. I let him pull me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the slow rhythm of his heart, letting him comfort me, even if rationality told me that was the last thing I should be doing with him.

“Revenge wasn’t motivation enough?” I mumbled. I knew he heard me.

“Yes, it was. But not like you. Once this is all over, I’m thinking about retiring.”

I paused, taking in his words. “Retiring,” I repeated. From his job… as a hitman.

Was that even possible?

“What?” he said when I didn’t say anything more. “No response?”

“You can do that?” I asked.

His chest shook as he laughed. “Yeah, kitten. I can do that. No one knows my identity. And I’ve made enough money to last two lifetimes.”

I grimaced at the thought. I knew he said he only targeted the people with their skin in the game, but there was just something about killing other people for a living…

I might have accepted that—accepted him—but that didn’t make it any easier to stomach.

“What would you do after?” I asked. What exactly would a retired hitman do with his time? I shook my head slightly. That was something I never thought I would ever have to think about.

“I would spend most of my time keeping you satisfied.”

I slapped his side. “Be serious.”

He grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing the back of it. I tilted my head back to look at him. His blue eyes were already trained on me. “I am.”

“We still have to talk about you messing with my birth control.”

“I’m not apologizing for that.”

I let out a small sigh. “You don’t really see anything wrong with that?”

“What would be wrong?” he asked seriously. I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. “You’re mine,” he continued. “You’ll carry my child and no one else’s.”

“Yes,” I answered him. “Somewhere down the line, when we’re both not dealing with so much shit.”

He shrugged. Again, with that shrug. I was going to slap him again. Or punch him in the throat. My hands balled up into tight fists, and he looked at them, amusement lighting in his eyes.

I shook my head. It was pointless. I didn’t even think I had done any damage to him with that slap.

“Why would you even want a child with everything you’ve gone through?” I asked tiredly.

Arguably, I had a good childhood. But all this betrayal from the two people I had trusted for most of my life had me second-guessing whether or not I wanted to bring a child into this messed-up world.

He looked me straight in the eyes when he answered, “Redemption. We can give them a better life.”

I shook my head. “Our child can’t be your redemption, Mael.”

“Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean our child won’t be loved or protected. You know I would protect our children with everything in me, right?”

Since when did child become children ?

I would ask him how many kids he wanted, but I had a feeling the answer would only infuriate me further.

“I don’t know what to say to that,” I answered him finally.

He pushed my head back down to his chest, wrapping his arms around me, and said, “Then don’t say anything. Just stay close to me, and that is all.”

I closed my eyes and did as he asked. I stayed close to him, counting the beats of his heart and letting that calm me, hoping, praying everything was going to be all right.

* * *

I sat at the dining table, with only one light on, fighting the urge to keep everything I had for dinner down.

I was going to be sick.

It was late the next day, and Mael was off doing… I didn’t know, and at this point, I didn’t want to know. I just wanted him to come back home safe to me.

That was all I asked.

And I couldn’t sleep. I was tired, but there was something restless building inside me that made it impossible for me to just fall asleep. The black book was in front of me.

I had read most of its contents.

At first, I didn’t know what I was reading or why it was important enough that Caden felt the need to give it to me.

But it started to make more sense the further I read, and the more I wished I hadn’t. I wished I could just erase all the content from my mind and go back to a time when I didn’t know the existence of this stupid book.

It was a record my dad kept of all the people he had sold.

He and Leo.

I closed my eyes, trying hard not to cry. It wasn’t working. My eyes fell to the writing on the pages, Dad’s handwriting, of all his sins.

This couldn’t be true.

I shook my head. I could deny it all I wanted, but it was true. And Caden knew.

He knew.

How long after he found out the truth did he accidentally overdose?

My little brother was addicted to pain pills, but he had always been careful not to take too much. Until that one night when he did, and I wasn’t making excuses for him, but… was this what drove him further into the darkness?

Until he didn’t know how to get out of it?

I felt the first tear fall when a shadow came over me. I didn’t turn around. There was only one person it could be.

I felt him take in the book. I didn’t bother trying to hide it from him.

“What’s this, kitten?” Mael asked, reaching over me and grabbing the book. I heard him sift through the pages. It took him less time to realize what he was reading than it did me. “Where did you get this?”

“My brother hid it in my closet for me to find,” I answered automatically. “He knew, Mael. He knew about my dad. A-And now he’s gone.”

He placed the book down and turned my chair around until I was facing him, kneeling so that we were eye to eye.

“Are you okay?”

“So it’s true. My dad really is involved in all of this.”

He shot me a strange look. “Did you not believe me when I said it?”

I shook my head. “I did. I guess there was just a part of me that wanted to believe Leo coerced my dad into this. That he was, at the very least, more innocent than Leo. But this…”

I looked back at the book. More than just records of all the selling, Dad had left little notes about each woman and child who he referred to as… as merchandise, and the way he spoke about them…

He didn’t see them as human beings but as commodities he used to make money. And I wondered if that was how he saw me.

Mael nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Another thought occurred to me. “Leo has a lot of clients.”

Mael blinked. “Okay.”

“Lots of female clients who are on the run. Do you… do you think that’s how they are finding… them?”

He nodded. “That’s probably one way.”

“And another?”

“Looking for lost ones who had run away from home and didn’t have any family to report them missing on the streets.”

I closed my eyes briefly, feeling sick.

“What about all those women they currently have?” I asked.

Mael didn’t answer me at first. He seemed to be debating how much he should tell me. I shot him a look. “Complete honesty, right?”

He let out a small sigh. “I have an inkling of where they might be kept, but it’s too risky to rescue them. Which is where I know you’re going with this.”

“We have to rescue them,” I argued. Even the thought of them spending another night in that place made my insides burn.

“And it would ruin everything. It would spook Leo and your father into hiding, and it would clue the Sicilians in that someone is watching their operation.”

“But—”

He shook his head.

“Don’t you want to save them?”

I thought with everything he went through, he wouldn’t want someone else to endure something similar.

“It’s not easy to think about,” he said slowly. “Do I have the urge to save them?”

He shook his head.

“You don’t care?” I whispered.

“I only care about two people in this world. You and Theo. The rest of the world can burn. It’s not like I can save everyone.”

“But even a small group of people, that would matter, wouldn’t it?”

He shrugged like he couldn’t care less about that. And for the first time, I wondered if he was a sociopath. How could he not care about anything or anyone save for Theo and me?

“You’ll save them, won’t you?” I asked softly. If it was true that I was one of the two people in this world he cared about, he would do this for me, wouldn’t he?

He nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

And I realized that was all I could ask.

He cupped my cheek and swiped away my tears with his thumb. I let my eyes take in his face. He looked tired.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. Everything will be okay.”

“How could I not worry about you?”

He smiled a little at that.

“Every time you step foot out that door, all I can think about is if I will see you again. I know you have to do it. I know you have to take the risks, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“Baby,” he breathed out before pulling me in closer to him and pressing his lips against mine in a sweet kiss. I closed my eyes and savored the taste of him, my fist clutching at his shirt, not wanting to let him go.

He pulled back way too soon.

I tried to follow his lips with my own, but he held back.

I made a small sound in protest, and he let out a low groan and kissed me again.

I wrapped my arms around him and moved off the chair. He sat down on the floor and pulled me onto his lap. We never broke away from the kiss.

I let him deepen the kiss, letting out a small moan when I felt his tongue sliding against mine, the hot, silky taste of him sending a flurry of butterflies to flutter around inside me.

How could he always manage to make me feel like this, even after all I knew about him? I pulled away first this time, and he pressed his forehead against mine. I looked into the bottomless depths of his ocean blues, feeling as if the world had held its breath and it was just us. The feeling of being in a snow globe with him came back.

How I wished we could just stay like this.

“Everything is going to be okay,” he said softly, his hot breath fanning over my skin.

I nodded.

Everything was going to be okay. Because I didn’t know how I could keep going if that wasn’t the case.