Page 9 of Collision of Winters (Hillcroft Group #4)

Kayden Winters

W e ate in silence as my brain went into overdrive, shoving one random thought into my skull after another.

Chris wouldn’t have planted his ass in the doorway if he’d woken up and couldn’t sleep on the couch for whatever reason.

He would have just moved his crap into the bedroom and crashed next to Wade.

Wade felt that he couldn’t be honest with me, for fear I was going to escape.

They’d literally picked Alaska to prevent me from running off.

Trust me, Wade, my wanting to serve you was not subconscious .

Crap, crap, crap. The bacon was good, at least. I didn’t want to run away.

I just hated being seen as the dumb family member.

Also, Wade couldn’t expect me to be open and honest in one swoop—and then ask me to tuck away my submissiveness.

That’s a good place to start. Tell him right now before you chicken out.

Weirdly, though, I didn’t believe I’d chicken out. The other day, I would’ve refused or at least hesitated a whole lot to open up, but now I wanted to.

I finished the last of my bacon, and I wiped the grease off on a napkin.

“I want to bring something up,” I said. “Do you remember a few years ago when Dad invited two coworkers for dinner? Emerson and Danny?”

He furrowed his brow. “Yes…?”

Okay, good. Dad had just taken in a teenager temporarily. The guy, Isaac, had been kicked out for being gay, and he’d needed a place to stay for a few weeks before he could move in with his grandfather in Toronto.

“So, they were there because Dad wanted to show Isaac that he could be himself,” I went on.

I mean, Dad was bi, but he’d been single at the time, and he’d always been better at showing than telling.

“But after dinner, Danny and I got to talking. I was showing him around upstairs, and he spotted my Brat with a Plan sticker—you know the one on my computer?”

Wade grinned faintly. “Horrible sticker. I remember.”

“The best sticker,” I corrected. “Anyway, I kinda admitted to him that I was curious about kink, and he didn’t react weirdly.

He just said it was cool and advised me to stay safe.

So I opened up a little more and said I was struggling to find good places to explore, and he recommended a blog for me.

Like, one of those really old-school WordPress blogs people had ages ago. ”

The mirth was gone from Wade’s face. “It wasn’t that fucking long ago.”

Uh, yeah. It was.

“Well, I started reading it,” I said. “A guy runs it with the help of his Daddy, and it’s like a journal.

He wrote about how important it was for him to let his inner Little or Middle have a safe space to roam free.

Like, before he met his Daddy, he’d create a fort with blankets and stuff and just be a Little on his own.

So I started doing that when I moved to Dallas.

Every day after work, I’d try to take care of myself and watch a movie in jammies with a bunch of blankets. ”

One of the worst things about Wade’s dominance was that he got me so quickly, and it showed. His eyes flashed with understanding and sympathy, maybe because he knew things weren’t easy.

“And you haven’t been able to do that in a long time,” he murmured.

I let out a breath. He understood that too. I was getting there, and he already knew.

“Right.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “The thing is, I don’t know why I change so easily around you, Wade.

I know I do it. There’s something about your dominance that draws out the person I want to be.

” Oof, it was getting to be too much. I shifted uncomfortably as my cheeks felt hotter.

I avoided eye contact too. “I’m usually better at hiding it, but maybe going three months without having a connection to that side of me is making the cup run over. I don’t know.”

That was as honest as I could be without grabbing his shoulders, shaking him, and confessing I wanted him.

Wade sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Now I feel bad. To ask you to hold back because we need boundaries—but I’m the one forcing you to be up here with me.”

He had nothing to feel bad about. He cared. He’d gone so far as to keep me in the most remote corner of the world so that I wouldn’t escape. That meant business!

I opened my mouth to respond, but he beat me to it.

He looked my way with determination in his eyes. “Forget what I said. I want you to be able to be yourself with me. Be however submissive and little you want. On one condition.”

Holy shit, I was all ears! “What’s that?”

His mouth twitched. “Tell me right now you’ll move back home.”

Oh. Sneaky! Because now he wouldn’t have to use his “brotherly powers for evil” as he’d said?

“Do you honestly think I’ve liked living in Dallas?” I asked. “A buddy online offered me a job, and I just went.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “You may have arrived in Texas for a job, but you left DC for another reason.” He paused. “Don’t worry. If you’re in a regressed or vulnerable mind-set, I won’t push for any explanations.”

So all I had to do was move home? To the place where I wanted to be anyway?

“Dad asks me every week to come home,” I said. “Next time I talk to him, I’ll let him know I’m moving back in to my old room.”

It hadn’t changed. Dad even sent me pictures of my room sometimes, letting me know it “missed” me.

Wade smiled. “Best news I’ve heard all week.”

Yeah… I definitely agreed, but I had to prepare myself too. I had left DC for a reason. Or two. Not measuring up next to my brothers and…well, the brother next to me on this very couch.

And to think, I could be a Middle around him?

Oh crap. What if I crossed a line and made him uncomfortable?

“What just happened?” he asked. “Your face fell.”

No need to beat around the bush. I’d come this far. “I’m worried I might overstep if I’m in my Middle space. You have to tell me if I go too far. I mean, it’s one thing to be myself, but it’s a whole other to treat you like you’re in charge of me or something.”

He cleared his throat and grabbed his coffee cup. “I think I can handle a cheeky brat giggling up a storm and pushing buttons. I don’t know what else you might consider overstepping. We’re family.”

Yeah, about that…

I scratched the side of my neck.

In other words, it didn’t even occur to him that I might have another type of feelings for him.

An extra harsh wind whooshed over the cabin, causing something to creak in the structure, and I looked up at the beams in the ceiling.

“We’re safe, Kayden.”

I smiled at him. “I know. I trust you.”

And I trusted him to let me down gently if I accidentally got too affectionate or invaded his personal space.

Wade finished his coffee in two gulps. “I’ve postponed this enough, I’m afraid. I have to take the dogs out, but I suspect we’ll be back in minutes.”

I did not envy the doggies. I’d been out on the porch, and that was enough! It was super windy and cold.

While he was out, I could start thinking about how long I had to stay with Dad. As comfortable as it was, I wanted my own place—which cost a lot of money. A fucker needed to hold down a job in order to pay rent.

The first couple of hours, Wade seemed to be on edge and observing me semi-discreetly, as if to figure out who I was. He sat on the other section of the couch with a new book, but the pages didn’t turn as frequently as usual.

I didn’t have a whole lot to do, so I was just writing lists of things I needed for my return to DC.

Extensive lists, like of what I could sell or throw out in my tiny studio apartment in Dallas.

Good thing nobody in my family had been there, ’cause they’d balk at the conditions.

Every time Dad had wanted to fly out, I’d suggested we go camping instead.

My throw-out list was very, very long. My sell-this list had three items, but one was a collectible I was fairly sure I could get a few hundred bucks for, and moving was expensive.

“I wish I could print money,” I said. “Only for a little while. Nobody would notice.”

Wade glanced up from his book. “Chris tried that once when we were young. He copied a five-dollar bill and printed it in black and white, proud as hell, and went to the store to buy candy.”

I laughed. That was so funny. “How did that go?”

He smirked. “He came home enraged because the store owner had just laughed at him.”

I could totally see it.

“Do you need money for anything in particular?” he asked next.

I shrugged. “I have some stuff I want with me from Dallas.” I eyed my list of such items. “My gaming chair, clothes, collection of pillowcases, sneakers?—”

“You collect pillowcases?” He turned curious.

“Yessir.” I grinned. “I have thirty-seven of them now, and they all go on my big pillow.” Which I also wanted to bring with me. It was one of those longer pillows you found in hotels. “It’s better than any stuffed animal in the world.”

He closed his book and shifted in his seat to rest an arm along the back of the couch. “I admit I’m curious about your Middle-isms, especially since I can’t imagine this place offers you anything to make you happy.”

Oh, I could think of one thing.

“I take it you don’t care about stuffed animals,” he deduced. “What about other toys and hobbies?”

I had several of them! “I still collect Pokémon cards,” I admitted sheepishly. “And baseball cards and some hockey cards.” I continued, because he appeared genuinely interested. “I have a ton of comics too, and I like to draw my own—not that I’m any good at it.”

“According to you, you’re not good at anything,” he pointed out. “I’m sure you’re great at it.”

Um, I wasn’t.

“I love to make cupcakes,” I added. “They’re super tasty and fun to decorate. I love frosting. I use Yaya’s brownie recipe, so the cupcakes come out flat…? That way, you can fit more frosting on there.”

He smiled. “Clever. I don’t suppose it’s a hobby of yours to have a savings account.”