Page 15 of Collision of Winters (Hillcroft Group #4)

Wade Winters

I lost the next couple of hours going through every scenario I could think of, based on what I now knew. Our attraction to each other, if things went wrong, what Quinlan and Chris might say, how Yaya would react, the age difference, the gravity of Kayden’s crush… My own feelings.

If I wasn’t pacing or staring into the fire, I was digging out Kayden’s birthday presents and preparing them for tomorrow.

I came to a stop in the center of the floor and eyed two of the wrapped gifts in my hands, and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of turning it into a game for him. I could give him clues about where to find the presents.

I could already sense his competitiveness. He loved to race and chase points. He had a special grin for the opportunity of defeating Chris in a game or impressing me in a challenge. All mischief and determination.

Goddammit.

I rubbed a hand over my jaw and sighed heavily.

Could I even go back to being just his overprotective brother figure at this point? I adored every moment he was in his Middle space around me. I wanted more of them.

And you want to be the Daddy he gives each smile to.

Think of the possibilities.

He already means more than anyone you’ve ever dated in the past.

More to love, more to lose?

My stomach was knotted up with stress and worries.

Kayden was an all-or-nothing kind of young man.

If I wasn’t prepared to fight for a lifetime with him, I shouldn’t even open the door to the possibility.

What was the alternative? Date casually?

Share a kink-only dynamic? Fucking laughable.

Even before I knew what it was he wanted with me, I had to be ready for anything and everything.

I hid all four birthday presents under a loose floorboard for now, and then I walked over to the window between the kitchen nook and front door. He was out there, rolling around in the snow with all four dogs.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I bet it would be easy to fall for that boy. As effortless as falling. Into a fucking volcano.

I ran a hand through my hair.

At least I wasn’t worried about an outcome in which he got over me. I’d rather hurt for years to come and still be close to him than the other way around. If he’d liked me for so long already, maybe he already knew that kind of hurt.

That pained me.

“I do feel vulnerable, but the cat’s out of the bag and I’m not going to run away for once. I’ve had a crush on you on and off for years, and nobody likes unrequited feelings.”

They weren’t unrequited anymore.

He wasn’t going to run away, and fucking hell, neither was I.

We couldn’t go back. And why would we?

I wanted a second first kiss. One that I could remember and think back on. I’d been too shocked by my own behavior—and that it was happening at all—to enjoy what’d taken place on the couch earlier.

Okay, enough of this. It was time to figure out the rest together. Every guy wanted to be swept off his feet with patient conversation, negotiations, and let’s take this slowly .

I could feel the sexual tension already…

I was doomed.

The irony wasn’t lost on me. I was shouldering this situation as if I knew what I was doing and he didn’t. In reality, he’d probably had greater successes with partners than I had. I could hem and haw till the cows came home, and I’d never felt this absurd urgency to commit or jump into things.

Until now.

The dogs took notice when I stepped out onto the porch, and it made Kayden look up as well.

I adjusted my beanie and zipped up my parka.

While Atlas moseyed over to me, Kayden hid from me and went back to building his stack of snowballs by the bridge, and I had half a mind to tell him to have his fun farther away from the stream. If he got distracted and fell into the water, it was going to get very cold very quickly.

I wasn’t a fusser or anything.

I patted Atlas on the head and scratched him behind the ears. He looked happy and active, tongue hanging out, pale brown eyes brimming with readiness and energy.

“You like him too, don’t you?” I murmured.

Atlas huffed and headbutted my hand.

He gave me an idea. With the storm finally having moved on—and it wasn’t snowing as much anymore—I should give the dogs a proper workout to tire them out after a few days of waiting around.

Maybe it would bring me back into Kayden’s good graces too.

He was a little daredevil, so I knew he’d enjoy a bumpy ride on an ATV straight out on the tundra.

I climbed down the steps, snow and ice crunching underneath my boots, and I walked toward whatever Kayden was building. A wall? A new border?

“Is he coming closer, Prince?” he asked quietly. “You gotta tell me. You’re wagging your tail. He’s coming closer, isn’t he? Darn it.”

Prince jumped into his playtime pose and barked.

“Anybody home behind the Great Wall of Alaska?” I asked, only about ten feet away now.

“No!” he called out. He instantly balled himself up on the ground. Unfortunately for him, the wall was just a bit too small, so he only came off as cute as fuck. “You text before you call, dammit!”

I stifled a chuckle. “Kinda difficult when we only have one phone.”

“That’s a you problem,” he griped. “I’m busy.”

“Too busy to head out on a four-wheeler with me and the dogs?”

Oh, he was quick to poke his head up.

I smiled. Christ, he was addictively adorable and sexy. Cheeks flushed from the cold, eyes extra blue against the snow…

“Where would we go?” he asked.

I pointed out at the vast nothingness to the east. “Out there, where speed limits don’t exist.”

It was the best way to lure him out, even though I had no intention of driving like a maniac.

He looked out over the tundra and chewed on his lip.

Time to bring out the big guns.

“There might be Push Pops and a hot tub waiting for us when we get back,” I mentioned. We were both sick of washing up in a basin or an ice-cold stream, so if I prepared the tub on the porch before we left, the water would be hot in a couple of hours when we returned.

Kayden scrambled to his feet and brushed some snow off his pants. “You have Push Pops here?!”

I inclined my head. “Last time I checked, it was your birthday tomorrow. Did you think I wouldn’t come prepared?”

I had him now. He couldn’t possibly have thought my idea of celebrating his birthday was to eat a steak, could he?

His favorite dinner was going to come with his favorite dessert.

I wasn’t new here. The lollipops were extras, in case I needed them for whatever reason—and I clearly did. Same with the cheese.

Look at yourself. You’ve shared a platonic version of a DD/lb dynamic for years already.

A sobering thought, but Kayden’s smile—that he was trying to fight—tugged at his lips, and he glanced over at the two ATVs.

“You’ll sit behind me,” I said. “It’s bumpy out there, and I won’t be able to concentrate if I have to worry about you driving your own vehicle.”

He cracked a soft grin, but I didn’t particularly like the wistfulness in his eyes. “You’re such a Daddy.”

Yes, I am.

“Is that a bad thing?” I wondered.

His expression turned wry, and he even felt I deserved an eye roll. “It is when you were just rejected.”

“I didn’t reject you, blue,” I replied patiently. “I asked for a moment to gather my thoughts.”

That didn’t sway him. Instead, he started walking toward the vehicles. “And we all know what that means—especially when it’s inappropriate . Let’s go before I get pissy again, okay?”

Stubborn little shit.

So be it. If he wanted to wallow unnecessarily for a while longer, by all means. But we weren’t leaving yet. If this joyride played out the way I pictured, I was going to want him in my arms in that hot tub later.

“You can go pack us some snacks and water,” I told him. “Grab my rifle from the gun safe too. I always bring it when I go out there. I’m gonna get the hose from the shed so we can fill the tub.”

The water came straight from the stream, and it was gonna take a long time to fill the tub. Which was why we had to do it now. And get a fire going.

The system was primitive, but it worked.

Atlas ran ahead, with Cat following closely, and Prince and Tundra ran alongside the four-wheeler.

“Oh, that was a big one!” Kayden laughed.

Christ, this boy. I smiled to myself and drove over another patch of dead shrubs, and he cracked up.

The cold air felt good, but nothing compared to Kayden’s excitement.

Nothing killed a bad mood like an adrenaline rush.

Snow and wind whipped against my face, as if to remind me the bad weather hadn’t passed just yet. It would be dark within a few hours too, so I didn’t want to venture too far.

When we were about twenty minutes away from the cabin, I slowed to a stop so the dogs could sniff around for a while.

Kayden dismounted the vehicle, handed over his helmet, and immediately darted over to play with Prince.

I placed the helmet between my feet, then double-checked to make sure my rifle was secured.

“Yeah, you’re such a good doggie!” the boy gushed. He tossed a liver snap into the air, and Prince jumped and caught it. Kayden applauded.

Being out here usually brought me peace. Now I felt my own personal storm brewing within me, gaining strength from every moment I shared with Kayden.

The sky remained an angry gray shade, which stole the color from the low shrubs that poked up from the snow. When the sun was out, it could be fucking stunning. From the bright-green moss that covered the rocks to the small bushes that shifted in red, brown, and orange.

I unfastened my water bottle and took a couple swigs.

That inner peace evaded me, but it wasn’t a bad thing. I had something new to look forward to. Kayden was happy . And unafraid to get his hands dirty. He chased the dogs around, barking back when they did, and rolled around with Prince and Tundra.

“No way, you can’t catch me!” Kayden smiled widely and sprinted right out, with all four dogs chasing after and wagging their tails.