Page 14 of Collision of Winters (Hillcroft Group #4)

Before I even knew what I was doing, I had a hand on his cheek, and I was leaning in to kiss him.

I couldn’t fucking stop myself. A low, rushing sound invaded my ears, though not loudly enough for me to miss how he sucked in a quick breath.

I’d shocked him. I’d shocked us both—and now I was beyond screwed.

What the fuck was I thinking? He was at his most vulnerable, and I took advantage?

“Oh yes, ” he whispered. Then he snaked his arms around my neck and all but threw himself at me.

I was the picture of dumbfounded, struck by as much relief as doubt, and I couldn’t process what was happening fast enough. He kissed me back, hard, and climbed onto my lap.

He wants it. Give in. You already lost it.

I wasn’t sure it was up to me anyway. I was powerless to resist him.

The moment he straddled me, responsibility and caution were just words in a dictionary.

When he tried to deepen the kiss, I let him.

I switched off my brain and just felt . And tasted.

My God. Our tongues met, and I cupped his face in both hands.

He kissed with curiosity and need taking charge, and it was as adorable as the rest of him.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you forever,” he confessed, breathing unsteadily. He was trembling on top of me, so I eased my hands down his body firmly and held him to me.

He shuddered and acted as if he was trying to set up camp under my skin.

As if he didn’t already have a permanent residence there.

“Please don’t regret this,” he begged.

I shook my head and kissed him deeper. I wasn’t sure I could regret anything where he was concerned. As long as I didn’t hurt him.

Fuck me, he felt perfect in my arms.

The way he kissed me enticed every fiber of my being. He poured himself into each kiss and plastered himself to me in a way that, if he told me he’d wanted this for a long time, I had no choice but to believe him.

Desire surged within me, my heart started hammering, making me greedier, and I began picturing him underneath me. The sounds he’d make if I fucked him into the couch, if he was a screamer, a beggar, or a?—

“Please,” he whimpered.

Goddammit.

It was too much. I wanted him too much. But if we kept at it for any longer, I’d end up folding him in half within minutes, and I couldn’t. I had limits.

“Hold on.” I broke the kiss and gripped his hips tightly, making sure he didn’t scoot forward another inch. “Give me a moment, blue.” I swallowed against the dryness in my throat and took a labored breath . Fuck, fuck, fuck . Impossible to think straight.

Locking eyes with him didn’t help. He was flushed and visibly needy, not to mention vulnerable.

“You want to stop?” he asked nervously.

“It’s the last thing I want.” I had to shift him away from me another couple inches. He was sitting way too close to my cock. “It’s just moving quickly, and this isn’t…appropriate.”

For fuck’s sake, he’d joined our family as a baby brother of sorts.

He swallowed and drew a shaky breath, looking way too exposed for my liking. “And, um…inappropriate is bad?”

Nothing with you can ever be bad, darling boy.

What was I doing? I was making him insecure.

I leaned in and kissed him but kept it brief, and I rested our foreheads together and cupped his cheek in my hand.

His height messed with my head too. He was short enough that when he sat on my lap, he didn’t get that much higher.

I didn’t have to crane my neck uncomfortably to reach him.

And his looks—those eyes, the sweetness and the innocence…

Even though I knew very well, based on what he’d told me, he was far from innocent.

“I feel like I shouldn’t be drawn to you in this way,” I admitted. “You’re vulnerable, and it would be too easy for me to take advantage. If I ever harmed you?—”

“Take advantage?” he spluttered. “Sir, I’m throwing myself at you. That’s why I’m nervous and didn’t have the guts to make a move. I don’t want you to turn me down.”

I squeezed my eyes shut momentarily.

He’s an adult.

Yeah, but…

Kayden huffed and started shifting off me. “I can see you’re gonna be difficult about this.”

I cracked my eyes open again, and he moved away, creating more distance than usual, and he scowled to himself and picked up his plate.

“Damn old people,” he whispered.

I smashed my lips together.

That wasn’t helping.

But his crankiness, I could handle. Cranky was a walk in the park compared to hurt.

“That’s actually a good point,” I told him. “Shouldn’t you be running after Doms your own age?”

He scoffed and bit into a piece of bacon. “I should be running after Doms I’m attracted to, jerkface.”

My mouth twitched.

Then I cleared my throat and adjusted in my seat. The tension didn’t feel awkward, thankfully.

It wasn’t my intention to complicate things, but we were more than two men who evidently shared a mutual attraction.

In the span of a few days, I’d gone from worrying about the family’s pseudo little brother because he’d been a flight risk who couldn’t share his struggles, to…

whatever the fuck this was. He’d come so far.

He was happier now that he’d opened up. More than that, he was himself.

He’d let down his guard with me. Was it so weird that I was protective of his progress?

“I’d like to talk about this, Kayden,” I said patiently.

He glanced over at me. “Why? I know you well enough to give you a play-by-play of that discussion already. You think I’m too young, you think I can’t know what it is I want for myself, you’re worried about hurting me, we’re family, and I can’t possibly think straight when I’m in my Middle space.”

Well.

“For the record,” he continued, “I do feel vulnerable, but the cat’s out of the bag and I’m not going to run away for once.

I’ve had a crush on you on and off for years, and nobody likes unrequited feelings.

Also, this whole thing about Chris possibly being in danger is on my mind.

But guess what, Wade? I can keep two thoughts in my head at the same time.

Can you ?” The look he gave me was full of challenge.

“I already know you view me as the vulnerable Little slash baby brother who needs help and all that crap. But can you also keep in mind that I’m a grown man who, despite all the shit I’ve lived through, can take care of himself?

And that while one side of me needs a Daddy and an awesome pillowcase collection, the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion?

I’m still the guy who enlisted in the Army, the idiot who got arrested for assault because some asshole punched me first, and the genius who’s currently putting you in your place. ”

I blinked.

“I may have called myself stupid, lame, and a chickenshit over the years, but I’m not lost,” he said resolutely.

“I know what I want. I always knew—I just kept failing in my attempts to get to where I wanted. Kinda like now.” The last part came out muttered as he polished off the rest of his plate.

“I knew it was too good to be true to think you’d want me, but I’ll…

” He swallowed and seemed to waver for a second, but then he shook his head and stood up.

“I’ll live. And you let me down gently, as is obligatory for a big brother, so I’d rather just move on.

” He carried his plate back to the kitchen.

“I admit I’m kinda fucking mortified, but if I keep talking until I’m out of this cabin, I believe I can fake it till I make it. ”

I followed his every movement, including the firm nod he gave himself, but the confidence in his eyes had faded, and I could tell he needed to get away for a while.

“Actually, I don’t have anything else to say, so please just keep your Doc mouth shut until I’m out,” he finished, ducking into the bedroom. Presumably to get dressed. “I’ll let the doggies out to play in the snow again. Don’t follow me!”

I faced forward again and scratched my forehead.

“I know what I want. I always knew.”

He’d spoken with such conviction that I was still processing.

Had I even begun? It was a new side of Kayden.

Or perhaps one I just hadn’t met often enough.

And I could admit I’d needed the reminder, because everything he’d just said went against the image I had of him.

He was right. I did view him as the Middle who couldn’t possibly know what he wanted in life.

I was an idiot, even though my intentions were good and my concerns came from a valid point of view.

“And that while one side of me needs a Daddy and an awesome pillowcase collection, the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion? I’m still the guy who enlisted in the Army, the idiot who got arrested for assault because some asshole punched me first, and the genius who’s currently putting you in your place. ”

I scrubbed a hand over my face as Kayden rummaged around in the bedroom, cursing to himself.

…the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion…

I swallowed hard.

He wanted me to be that Sadist. That Dom and that Daddy.

Jesus fucking Christ.

He could actually become mine?

When he emerged from the room, I turned around and?—

“Don’t even think about it,” he said, marching over to the door. He stuck his feet into his boots. “Also, I stole your phone. I wanna talk to Dad.”

I answered on autopilot, having no intention of keeping him from calling Quin. “He’s number two in the contact list.”

He paused in zipping up his parka and glanced over at me. “Who’s number one?”

“The junior operator we have on Yaya’s security detail,” I replied.

He narrowed his eyes. “Number three?”

What was he getting at?

“Chris,” I said.

He huffed. “Figures. And I’m number four…”

Cute.

“You’re not in there.” I refrained from shaking my head at him. After everything we’d been through, did he need further confirmation that he was special to me? “Neither is Yaya.”

That seemed to confuse him.

“First of all, if that phone ends up in the wrong hands, we don’t want anyone tracking you down,” I told him. “Second of all, I know your number by heart.”

“Oh,” he mouthed. He raked his teeth across his bottom lip—that I’d recently kissed—and snatched his beanie and gloves. “I accept that,” he muttered and walked out.

It was too soon to smile and he was already gone, but I hoped we’d find something to smile about soon enough. I had to fix this. And yes, he probably did need confirmation of how special he was to me, because he’d seen my slowing things down as rejection.

I’d already acknowledged to myself that I was powerless to resist him. Needing to pump the brakes, however momentarily, didn’t change things for me. I simply needed to think things through.

It was the responsibility of a good Daddy Dom.

Not to say the notion of becoming his Daddy Dom didn’t fuck me up, because it did. So much more was at stake now. If things didn’t work out between us… Fucking hell, I couldn’t lose that boy. He meant the world to me.