Page 54

CHAPTER 54

SALLY – D AY F OUR

When Amelie was tiny, the breastfeeding didn’t work out and Sally switched to bottle feeding after just a couple of weeks.

Lying flat out on her bed, staring at a now familiar mark on the ceiling, Sally remembers all the paraphernalia she once needed in the bedroom. A bottle warmer, plugged in and ready to go, and a special cold-storage container with the next bottle made up so she wouldn’t need to traipse down to the fridge.

Baby Amelie would make this strange little grunting noise as she woke up for a feed. Fidgeting and grunting for about thirty seconds, a minute maximum, before breaking into a proper wail. But what was strange is that Sally always woke before Amelie.

It was the same each time. Sally’s eyes would open with a start. She would turn to the Moses basket on its stand, right alongside the bed. Sally would listen. Amelie would be still. Silent. But Sally would flick on the bottle warmer all the same and get things ready. And within just a few minutes, Amelie’s familiar fidgeting and then grunting would start.

Sally felt guilty about the breastfeeding not working out. But she loved that she seemed to know when Amelie needed feeding, even before her daughter did. Matthew teased that it was her body clock, getting used to the rhythm of the night feeds. Or maybe Amelie fidgeted before she started to grumble for the bottle.

But that didn’t quite explain it. The gaps between feeds varied with Amelie in those early weeks and yet nine times out of ten, Sally would wake just ahead of the baby. It felt like a little bit of magic between them. An invisible thread.

Sally’s thinking of all this, staring at the ceiling, when suddenly the room is much darker, and it takes a beat to realise she must have dozed off and Carol’s turned out the light.

Next comes this terrible feeling of dread. It’s crushing, like those dreams where you feel pinned to the bed in pitch darkness, unable to move.

She reaches out to turn on the bedside light but the strange thing is nothing seems to change. As if the light can’t quite reach her.

‘Carol. You need to come. Carol! ’

It’s not long before Carol is in the room, eyes panicked. ‘What is it, honey? What’s happened?’

‘It’s still dark.’ Sally can’t understand it. ‘Put the big light on.’

Carol quickly flicks the switch. Sally can see the bulb glowing overhead and yet it makes no sense.

‘It still feels dark, Carol. I don’t understand.’

‘Probably dreaming, darling. Give yourself a moment.’

‘No, no. It’s Amelie, Carol.’ Sally casts her head from side to side, terror coursing through her.

‘I can’t feel her anymore, Carol. Oh my God. I can’t feel her anymore. ’