Page 45

CHAPTER 45

OLIVIA – D AY F OUR

‘OK, girls. So I need you to be really brave and to trust me.’ I stand up alongside the bed. Both Chloe and Amelie lift their heads from their books. ‘You do trust me?’

The girls exchange a worried look then stare at me and finally nod. My father is still not back so I need to break us out of here. I think of his gun. Those voices he hears. No choice now. It can’t wait.

‘OK. So my father – Grandad to you, Chloe – is obviously unwell.’ I pause as they take this in. ‘Much sicker than I realised.’ Their expressions darken and it’s awful to watch the anxiety growing in their eyes.

‘You’re clever girls. And I’m so sorry that this is really upsetting. But you can both see that the illness in his head is making him do things and say things which are a bit frightening. And wrong . The truth is I don’t know why he brought us here and what he’s planning. Most important, this has to be our secret, me talking to you like this. But we need to get out of here and maybe to try to get him some medical help so he can have a really good rest and get better.’

‘How do we get out? He’s locked everything.’ It’s Amelie who looks towards the padlock on the window.

‘I’m afraid I’m going to have to try harder to break the door down which is going to be noisy and difficult and upsetting for you. But I think it’s for the best. I just need you to move back a bit.’ I pause. ‘So – will you let me do this and try to be brave girls for me?’

Amelie nods, eyes wide, but Chloe looks very confused. ‘Can’t we just wait for Grandad to get better, Mummy? Can’t we just wait? Maybe get him some tablets? Or give him some Calpol?’

‘I don’t think so, poppet. I think this illness is bigger than that. And the thing is I don’t know how long he’ll be away each time and we need to be able to get to the toilet. And to fresh air. And to get help. Do you understand?’

Chloe seems to think for a long time and finally shrugs her shoulders.

‘Good. So I want you to shuffle back on to the pillows and pull the blanket up in front of your faces in case any bits of wood or splinters fly about when I bash into the door. Can you do that for me?’

Chloe suddenly looks terrified. I give her a kiss on the cheek and I feel this surge of gratefulness to Amelie who helps Chloe shuffle back against the rear wall of the caravan. Amelie then lifts the spare blanket up in front of both of them.

The only tool I have is a metal pen which I use to bash and lever the hinge of one of the cupboards on the side wall. It takes a lot of blows and leverage attempts – bruising my fingers in the process so that both hands now hurt – before it finally starts to break. A few more manoeuvres with the pen in the weak spots and at last the cupboard door comes away with a creak.

‘I don’t like this, Mummy.’

‘It’s OK, Chloe. I’ll be as quick as I can. Stay back now.’

Next, I use the severed cupboard door to bash at the main bedroom door, swinging it with all my might. First the handle area, then the hinge area. I also kick, first with one foot and then with both feet, my back pressed into the edge of the double bed. I alternate this onslaught for a while. Bashing with the cupboard door from various angles to try to loosen the hinges and lock in turn, then kicking at the door with all my might, braced against the bed.

‘Can we stop, Mummy? I don’t like it.’ Chloe has her hands over her ears and is shrieking.

‘It’s OK, Chloe. I’ve got you, I’ve got you. Come here.’ Amelie’s voice is high-pitched, clearly also nervous, as she puts her arm around Chloe’s shoulder and lifts the blanket shield higher in front of them. ‘Try to think of something nice.’

I turn to smile at Amelie, so grateful again for this little girl’s strength. Trying so hard to be brave. To help Chloe. Then I continue with my bashing and pounding. The door starts to yield a little, especially with the blows using the cupboard door. It seems as if the hinges are giving a little with each blow and I am just starting to feel optimistic of success when there’s a thundering bellow from the other side.

‘What the hell is going on in there? You stop that right now!!’

I freeze and raise my hand to signal to the girls to keep still.

I’m so shocked and afraid that I fear I am going to wet myself. Right in front of the girls. Stupid, stupid, Olivia. It was the one thing I hadn’t considered. That the noise of trying to break out would cover the noise of his car returning. My father continues shouting and swearing as Chloe bursts into tears. Amelie hugs her close. I hear the rattling of keys. I put down the cupboard door and move closer to the girls, sitting in front of them as a shield, my arms outstretched.

When the door is finally opened, my father peers into the room, his face puce with fury. Eyes wild. ‘I asked you what the hell is going on in here. Who did this?’

‘It was me. My fault.’ I feel my heart pounding as if it will burst through my chest. ‘I’m sorry. I really needed the toilet and you weren’t here. I didn’t want to have an accident in front of the girls. Upset them. I didn’t know how long you’d be.’

‘Amelie. You get out here – now!’ He spits the words, jabbing his finger towards her. His expression dark.

‘No, Dad. It was me who damaged the door. Please. Don’t frighten the girls. It was me. I’m sorry. I needed the toilet and I didn’t know what to do.’ I’m now frantic.

‘Shut up, you,’ my father says, pointing right at me now.

He walks backwards out of the room towards the front door and reaches behind him to pick up his shotgun. Chloe begins to wail and I clasp her close. ‘It’s OK, darling. It’s all going to be OK.’

‘Amelie. I’m waiting. Come on out here.’

I’ve never seen my father’s face look this wild. This angry. Amelie’s eyes are wide with terror and her whole body starts to shake.

‘Stay where you are. I’ll go.’ I push Chloe towards Amelie then turn towards my father and stand. ‘I’ll come. Whatever you want. Make it me. Not the girls. You’re scaring them.’

‘No need for anyone to be scared.’ He lifts the gun. Cocks it. ‘I’m only going to say this one more time, Amelie. You come with me.’