Page 24 of Claiming Xan (Shifters of Greymercy #7)

RIVER

My wolf had been pacing and whining and growling as I laid on my back in that stiff hotel bed and tried to focus on calming my breaths.

In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four.

It didn’t seem to help, no matter how many reps I did. I would’ve been pacing the floors if my thigh didn’t ache from the gunshot wound, or if my body didn’t feel like it weighed a thousand pounds.

But when I heard the almost timid knock at the door, it was everything I could do to rein my beast as it strained and clawed at my mind. I rolled out of bed and limped across the room, throwing the door open wide.

I already knew it was Xan—I could smell him—but seeing him standing there, looking about as lost as I felt? It nearly ripped my heart out.

I couldn’t stop myself. The sound that broke from me was almost animal as I threw myself at him, crushing him to my chest.

And Xan… He tried to soothe me, murmuring in hushed tones, his hand gentle in my hair, stroking the side of my head. Just that simple touch was enough to quiet the rumbling of my wolf, and when he told me he was mine, it suddenly felt like I could breathe again.

I pulled back and took him by the hand, searching his face. “Come lay with me? Please? I just… I need to feel you beside me. Need to be with you.” I saw his throat work, but he nodded wordlessly and let me lead him over to the bed.

We both crawled beneath the bedsheets, fully clothed, and once Xan was settled in, I wrapped myself around him, spooning him from behind. My good leg slid over the Omega’s, locking him to me, as my arm cinched around his waist and my nose found his nape once more.

I breathed him in and closed my eyes, willing my high-strung body to relax.

He still smelled so sweet… Not as ripe and pungent as when he was in heat, but sweeter than his usual faint honey smell.

Maybe it was the mate bond? Maybe my senses were just better now that we’d been separated for weeks?

I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

We laid together, just like that, for what seemed like hours. Just sharing the same space and syncing our breaths, our chests rising and falling in time. I wanted to stay like this forever.

After awhile, though, Xan turned in the circle of my arms so that he was facing me. His dark eyes were imploring as his fingertips skirted along my cheek. “I was scared that I’d lost you forever.”

My chest tightened with the realization that he might’ve, had Huxley and Chance not found me. Had the redneck aimed a little higher. Had I left Rubydawn territory to be captured by Dr. Thompson and dragged back to my own personal hell…

I swallowed hard. “Me too.”

Xan cupped my face in both of his small hands. “Where did you go?” he asked, his voice a gentle hush. “When you ran away?”

I closed my eyes on a sigh. “Nowhere,” I muttered.

“I never left Rubydawn territory. I was too afraid that if I did, the men in lab coats would find me and drag me back to the facility and I—” I shook my head.

“I didn’t leave, but I kept moving, in case your mother sent thugs after me.

Never stayed in one place too long. Didn’t sleep. Didn’t eat.”

“You didn’t eat?” His expression was almost horrified, but shame burned through me regardless.

I pursed my lips. “I… I was never taught how to hunt. I tried to catch rabbits and squirrels, but I was too clumsy and they were too fast. I ended up resorting to scavenging out of dumpsters when I got too hungry to think straight, but some asshole with a shotgun put an end to that.”

Xan gasped. “Did he shoot you?”

“Clipped me. I got lucky, but that was the final nail in the coffin. I was starving, weak, wounded. All alone in the woods. I thought that maybe it was better if I died out there. Your mother would be happy, and Sky…” I grimaced.

“Maybe he could have a normal life without my energies polluting his.”

Xan covered my mouth with his hand. “No. Don’t say that.”

I swallowed the emotion rising like glass shards in my throat. “I was ready to give up when I heard noise, and suddenly, there was a young pup running up to me, and on her heels, her frantic parents.”

“Chance and Huxley.”

“Yeah. They knew who I was,” I said. “Apparently your mother sent out a notice to the pack to keep their eyes peeled for me. Huxley helped patch my wound while Chance made dinner. I was so hungry, I don’t even remember what he made, I ate it so fast. Huxley told me that you’d gotten into a fight with Gracie, and that you’d left too. ”

Xan’s growl was sharp, his brow furrowing. “Yeah, because she was being a fucking bitch,” he said. “She never should’ve banished you from the pack. She didn’t even let us explain!”

I made a face. “Xan, there was nothing to explain. She could smell it.”

“I don’t care. It didn’t warrant that kind of reaction,” he replied with a derisive snort.

“I told her that if you weren’t welcome, then neither was I, and then I packed a bag and went to Shay’s house.

I’ve spent the last two weeks working extra shifts at work, saving for an apartment.

I have no intention of moving back in with Mom. Not after what she did.”

His hard expression crumbled, his forehead crumpling as he pressed it to mine. “I thought I’d never see you again…”

I threaded my fingers through his dark hair. “I know,” I murmured. “Just having you near me calms my beast. He’s been so angry and wild.”

“I’m here, River,” Xan promised, then hesitated. “But…what now?”

With a sigh, I rolled onto my back and ran a hand over my face. “I guess we spend the week together and figure it out…and then we go talk to your mother. Huxley said that was her only wish. To speak with us.”

Xan huffed. “I have nothing to say to her.”

“You think I do?” I retorted, and for a moment, we stared at each other. I frowned. “I don’t want to be the reason your family is broken, Xan, even if she’s the reason that mine is.”

My Omega deflated. “Oh, River. I’m sorry. Come here, baby.” He cuddled in closer and wrapped his arms around me, laying his head on my chest.

“It’s fine,” I murmured. “So long as you’re here, I’ll be okay.” I pulled him into a tight embrace and we laid together for awhile longer, before Xan pulled away. When he did, though, he looked…uneasy, chewing on his bottom lip, his brows scrunched up into a fretful expression. “Xan?”

“River, I…” he started. “There’s something I need to tell you before anything else happens between us.”

My stomach sank at how serious his tone was. “Okay?”

He took a deep breath and sat up on the bed, putting distance between us that I definitely felt. My inner-beast stiffened with a growl, wanting our mate as close as humanely possible, but Xan obviously needed space. Why?

“I know spending my heat together was impulsive, and I don’t think either of us expected to claim the other, but…

it feels right, like it’s supposed to be this way,” he said.

“But River. We fucked raw. You knotted me, multiple times, and many of those times were after we were mated. After you left, I had this sinking feeling, so I bought a pregnancy test.”

A pregnancy test.

Everything inside of me went still at his words. Even the rush of blood in my skull seemed to quiet to a hush when he stared at me, his brown eyes filled with worry as he bit his lip between his teeth.

“And?” I prompted, when he said nothing, but I already knew the answer when he dropped his gaze and refused to meet my eyes.

“I’m pregnant.” He pulled his arms in, wrapping them around himself, hugging his elbows to his sides.

“I know that it’s a lot, and if it’s too much, I understand.

I never thought I’d see you again, so I’ve already sort of come to terms with raising the baby alone.

Shay and Donovan will help me. I’ve got an apartment picked out and everything, and my boss might be an Alpha-centric asshole, but he?—”

I growled, more so at the way he was defending himself from me than at his words. “You’re pregnant?”

Xan’s whole body quivered. “Yes.”

I expelled a sharp breath, rolling back onto my back once more.

Fuck. Unwanted thoughts of me and Sky’s monster spawn came to mind, how fucked up those pups would’ve been had they ever been allowed to grow up.

Incest-babies. In a sick way, I was thankful that Dr. Thompson dissected them or whatever-else he did in his lab.

At least they wouldn’t be genetic failures.

“I’m sorry.” Xan’s words cut through my haze, drawing me back to reality. “I knew it would be a shock. I just needed to tell you now, before I got myself in any deeper.”

“Xan?” I glanced up to see Xan sitting on the other side of the mattress, wiping tears from his cheeks, and it sent a bolt of alarm through my chest. One that raised the hairs on the backs of my arms and made my insides quake. Xan stood up. I scrambled after him. “Wait! Where are you going?”

He turned to me, his eyes glistening with sorrow.

“I’m keeping the baby, River. I’ve only dreamed about being a daddy since I was seventeen and had a near-oops with my high school boyfriend.

I understand if you don’t want kids, knowing what you’ve been through in your life, but I do, and I have to follow my heart, even if it’s breaking right now. ”

“Xan.” I choked out his name as I reached for him.

“I never said I didn’t want it. It’s just…

It’s a shock.” I managed to drag myself to the other side of the bed and swing my legs over, but when I went to stand up, they threatened to buckle.

“Please, don’t go,” I begged him. “I can’t take it. I can’t do this by myself.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision as I grabbed Xan’s arm and pulled him closer. Xan hiccuped a soft sob and collided with my chest, throwing his arms around my neck.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sounding as broken as I felt.

“Don’t be sorry,” I uttered back. “We’ll figure it out, okay? I promise. Just don’t give up on me. Please, don’t give up on me.”

I wasn’t sure my fractured heart could take any more loss, and by the way Xan was clinging to me like his life depended on it? I wasn’t sure his could either.