Page 36 of Christmas Spirits at Honeywell House (Ghosts of Rowan Vale #3)

Bless her. She was such a lovely friend. If Callie thought Aubrey was a sweetheart, then surely, I had nothing to worry about?

‘What are you smiling at?’

I jumped as I realised Jack had come back into the room, carrying mugs of cocoa. My heart sank as it occurred to me that things had taken a decidedly risky turn.

If Aubrey was going to be a part of my life, Jack would have to know. I couldn’t, in all conscience, keep lying to him. Nor did I want to lie to Aubrey or ask him to lie for me. What sort of start would that be to our relationship? If we were to have one.

With all the lies Aubrey and I had been told, I knew it was time to wipe the slate clean. Jack had to know the truth.

‘You all right, love?’ he asked, concerned. ‘You were smiling a minute ago. Now you look as pale as a ghost.’

‘Well,’ I said, putting my cocoa on the coffee table and turning to him, my pulse racing, ‘it’s funny you should say that, Jack, cos there’s something I’ve got to tell you.’

* * *

Jack sat very quiet and still as I told him the truth about my heritage and what had happened between myself and Lawrie all those years ago.

When I finally told him about the text messages I’d received from Callie, he shook his head slightly but didn’t speak.

‘So that’s it. Now you know it all,’ I said, my heart pounding as I finished explaining the situation to him.

He didn’t reply, and I watched nervously as he stared bleakly into the fire.

‘Jack, please say something,’ I begged when the silence became unbearable.

‘You’re a Wyndham,’ he said at last.

‘Well, yes. Sort of.’

‘No sort of about it as far as I can see. You said it yourself. You’re a direct descendant of this Aubrey Wyndham who lives at the Hall.’

‘Okay. Yes then. I am a Wyndham.’

‘And you’ve always known that?’

I swallowed. ‘I grew up hearing about Rowan Vale and how our family used to own this whole estate. It was sort of a bedtime story that my dad used to tell me when I was little.’

‘But you never came here until you met me?’

‘No, Jack, of course not! I knew better than to break the rules even if I didn’t understand them.’

‘But you came anyway,’ he said flatly.

‘In the end,’ I said. ‘I put it off for a whole year, remember?’

‘Yeah, I remember.’ He gave a short laugh and rubbed the back of his head. ‘But even so. Bit of a coincidence meeting me in Scotland, right? That I came from Rowan Vale, of all places.’

I frowned. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? You surely don’t think I conspired to meet you there? That’s the most ridiculous theory ever. I was shocked when I heard where you were from. I had no idea.’

‘I know, I know.’ He shook his head. ‘Just… I suppose I always wondered why, that’s all. Why someone like you would hook up with someone like me. Richard said it didn’t make sense. Said I was punching. He thought you were after somewhere to live, with you losing your job and everything.’

‘ Richard said that?’ I gasped. ‘Richard who was the best man at our wedding? Bloody charming!’ It was a good job the two-faced rat had moved to London over a decade ago or I’d have hunted him down and kicked his sorry arse.

‘He changed his mind,’ Jack said hastily. ‘When you went back to Lancashire and found all those temping jobs, he had to admit he’d been wrong. Even so, you knew you were a Wyndham and you should never have risked coming here.’

‘I know, and I tried to stay away,’ I said. ‘But our relationship got serious so what was I supposed to do? And anyway, it worked out fine, didn’t it? I mean, the sky didn’t fall in when I set foot on the estate, did it?’

‘But it could have done! You didn’t know that. None of us did. Anything could have happened, but you did it anyway, putting us all potentially at risk.’

‘Are you seriously telling me that you’d have stopped me from coming here if you’d known I was a Wyndham?’ I asked, laughing nervously. He couldn’t possibly mean it. No one was that superstitious and Jack was as down-to-earth as they came.

‘Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know. The point is, I didn’t know, did I? And you didn’t know what would happen!’

‘What could happen? You sound paranoid now.’

‘This isn’t any ordinary village, Clara.

You, of all people, know that! With your family history, and the fact that your Victorian ancestor is coming here to meet you tomorrow, I’d have thought you’d have realised that the Harling Estate isn’t like anywhere else.

We have no idea why it’s the way it is, and no clue what might happen if we mess with the rules.

They must have been put there for a reason. ’

‘Yes! To stop the previous owners interfering with what the new owners do,’ I cried. ‘It’s as simple as that. Even Callie thinks so.’

‘Callie’s been here five minutes so what does she know?

’ He gave me an anguished look. ‘And while we’re on that subject – how come she knew about all this, and I didn’t?

This is the second time you’ve told her something you’ve kept from me.

First the baby and now the fact that you’re a Wyndham.

Is there anything else she knows that I’m not aware of? ’

‘Of course not! I wanted to tell you, Jack, really I did, but I was scared.’

‘Of what? That night in the hotel. You lied to me. I told you I was from Rowan Vale and you never for a moment let on who you were. You pretended you’d vaguely heard of the place. Oh my God!’

He reared away from me, staring at me in disgust. ‘It took me ages to pluck up the courage to tell you about the ghosts! I practised and practised, and agonised over how to break it to you in a way that wouldn’t scare you off or make you think I was insane.

I was so bloody terrified that you’d leave me. ’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said miserably, my face burning as I remembered that awful afternoon.

‘And at first you acted as if you were going to! You made out as if you thought I was playing a stupid game with you, then you asked me if I was on medication! You made me beg you to believe me!’

‘I know,’ I whispered. ‘I’m so sorry, Jack. I had to play dumb, and I hated every minute of it, but I didn’t know what else to do.’

‘You could have told me the truth. At any point over the last sixteen years, you could have told me the truth. From that moment when I first said I came from Rowan Vale to the day you arrived here, to catching sight of Aubrey, to accepting my proposal, to having the kids—’ He shook his head.

‘Bloody hell! The kids! They’re Wyndhams, too. ’

‘No. They’re Milsoms. Jack, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing, does it?’ I begged. ‘I know I should have told you before, but really – what does it matter? You know now. I couldn’t tell you because Lawrie said?—’

‘Yeah, I’ll be having words with him , too,’ Jack said bitterly.

‘But he said I had to keep it quiet from everyone or he wouldn’t let me stay. I had no choice.’

‘You did have a choice, Clara. You could have told me, and we’d have faced Lawrie together.’

‘And what if he’d insisted I had to leave?’

‘Then I’d have left with you!’ Jack yelled. ‘What the bloody hell did you think would happen? I loved you. Adored you. I’d have given up this place like that.’ He snapped his fingers.

‘But why should you?’ I said tearfully. ‘You love it here, and you love your job. I couldn’t ask you to give all that up for me.’

‘You didn’t mind me giving up my job when you wanted me to run the model village with you, did you?’

‘That’s not fair…’ Although, thinking about it, he had a point.

Jack sighed. ‘You just don’t get it, do you? We’re a team, Clara. I thought we always were. We clicked from that first night in the hotel in Scotland, or so I thought. But you lied to me from the first and you’ve been lying to me ever since.’

‘Once I’d started, I didn’t know how to tell you the truth. And then when I finally came here and Lawrie blackmailed me… I just couldn’t see a way out.’

‘Is that why you wanted to hang on to the model village? In your own weird way did it make you feel as if you still had a piece of the Harling Estate? No wonder you kept banging on about wanting to keep it for the boys. No wonder you gave me so much grief the other night after Callie and Brodie left.’

‘Because you offered to sell it without talking it over with me first!’ I protested.

‘And God forbid I should do anything without your say-so, eh, Clara? Only you’re allowed to keep secrets and make unilateral decisions, right?

Even massive ones like keeping me away from the scan.

’ He ran a hand through his hair, and I was horrified to see the gleam of tears in his eyes.

‘Was even that a lie? Did you know you were pregnant the whole time?’

‘Of course I didn’t!’

‘I’m not so sure. How can I believe anything you say now?’

‘Why would I keep it a secret?’ I asked incredulously.

‘Who knows? Who knows why you do anything? Do you ? Maybe I should ask Callie. She seems to know all your darkest secrets. I suppose even Brodie knew. Have they been laughing at me behind my back all this time?’

‘Jack, you’ve got this all wrong,’ I said, tears rolling down my face as I saw the unmistakeable pain in his eyes and heard the heartbreak in his voice.

‘No one’s laughing at you. Callie and Brodie think the world of you.

Callie begged me to tell you about the baby, and Brodie knew nothing about it, I swear. ’

‘You swear? What’s your word worth to me now, Clara?’

He got to his feet, shrugging me away as I reached for his arm.

‘Where are you going?’ I sobbed.

‘To take Toby for a walk,’ he said. ‘I need to think. While I’m gone, please go to bed. I’ll sleep down here tonight and be out of the way by five-thirty. No need for you to get up. In fact, I’d really appreciate it if you stayed out of my way completely.’

‘Jack, please?—’

‘I can’t, Clara.’ He turned to face me, and I gave a smothered gasp as I saw his face, wet with tears.

Jack never cried. He’d got a bit emotional on our wedding day, and his eyes had shone with tears of pride and joy when the boys were born, but I’d never seen any tears escape to roll down his cheeks before.

I’d never seen that anguished look in his eyes or heard the desperate sadness in his voice.

‘I just can’t. I thought we told each other everything.

I thought we shared it all. All this time you were a Wyndham.

You shouldn’t have been in this village at all.

You didn’t tell me who you were when I told you I came from here.

You didn’t explain why you kept saying no every time I invited you to stay with me.

You kept quiet when Lawrie blackmailed you instead of coming clean and letting us face it together.

You didn’t even tell me when you realised you were pregnant again.

Your first thought was to keep it a secret from me and confide in Callie.

What does that say about us? What does it say about the state of our relationship?

How can I ever believe in you – in us – again? ’

He patted his leg and Toby, who’d been watching us both with a puzzled expression on his face got up immediately and loped over to his side.

‘Your lucky night, boy,’ Jack said bleakly. ‘Extra walk. Let’s fetch that lead, shall we?’

I didn’t say anything to stop him because I knew he wouldn’t change his mind, and I had nothing to bargain with. No defence for what I’d done.

Whatever happened next, it was on me, and if Jack chose to leave…

I covered my hand with my mouth as I let out a terrified sob. I loved him so much! What would I ever do without him?