Page 17 of Christmas Spirits at Honeywell House (Ghosts of Rowan Vale #3)

I had to admit, there was the faintest flicker of excitement as I waited with Jack and the kids for the Christmas lights to be switched on.

At least it wasn’t raining, but it was freezing cold, and I could see the mist from my breath hanging in the darkness of the December night air.

I shivered, glad that I’d finally bought a new bigger coat at Jack’s insistence. One that I could actually zip up!

We were standing on the grassy verge in front of the river, just across the road from All Souls’ church. We’d decided to take the boys to that particular spot because it was there that the Christmas tree had been placed.

Usually, the tree stood on the village green, but this year the market stalls were there, so another location had been selected, and as there was a wide grassy area in front of the church, Callie and Brodie had chosen to place it there, just to our right of the lychgate.

Rowan Vale had been transformed, with fairy lights strung along all the main streets and in the shop windows. Many of the cottages had also decorated their windows, and some had placed smaller Christmas trees in their front gardens or in large pots by their front doors.

I couldn’t help feeling guilty as we hadn’t even dragged the decorations for Honeywell House out of the loft yet, let alone bought a Christmas tree.

I hadn’t so much as written a Christmas card.

With only two weeks to go until the big day I needed to get my act together, and fast. The trouble was, I had no headspace for it.

I think I was still in shock about the baby and couldn’t focus on anything else.

Even my shopping trip had been a waste of time. I’d become completely overwhelmed as I’d trawled the shops, looking for ideas for Christmas presents for the boys.

They’d written their lists, but half the stuff was either sold out, not available in Much Melton, or out of the question. There was no way I was getting Freddie a pet donkey, for a start. And Declan had no chance of the top-of-the-range gaming computer he’d requested.

Funnily enough, it was Ashton who’d surprised me the most. He’d barely written anything on his list, and when I pushed him to add a few more things to it, he’d shrugged and mumbled, ‘I don’t really need anything, and babies cost a lot of money.’

Sometimes, my kids amazed me. To be honest, I was desperately worried about our finances, but even so, there was no way I wanted the boys to go without anything just because Jack and I had been so reckless. The credit card would just have to take the beating. I’d worry about it in the new year.

I felt Jack’s arm go around my shoulders and I snuggled into him, glad to have a leaning post more than anything. My back was aching, and I was tired out. Even so, I wouldn’t have missed the Christmas lights switch-on for the world.

I must have missed the signal, but suddenly all the villagers who were lined up along Church Lane began to chant a countdown, and my boys joined in enthusiastically – even Ashton, who’d had to be persuaded to join us because he felt that twelve was far too old to be excited about a Christmas tree.

Jack was louder than all the boys put together, and I glanced at him, seeing the sparkle in his dark eyes and remembering all the times he’d decorated our own tree and been so excited about it that the boys had told him to calm down.

I was so lucky to have him.

‘Jack,’ I said impulsively, ‘I really do love you, you know.’

He didn’t hear me, because at that moment the countdown reached its climax and there was a collective cheer as the Christmas tree lights lit up and the rest of Rowan Vale along with it.

Church Lane was flooded with Christmas. I looked up, tears pricking my eyes as I saw the streams of fairy lights crisscrossing the street.

The lights had gone on around the gates of The Quicken Tree Inn, and I could see more of them draped along the banks of the River Faran, leading all the way past the green and up to the mill.

‘Oh wow,’ Declan breathed. ‘It’s fantastic!’

‘When’s Father Christmas coming, Mummy?’ Freddie asked, tugging at my hand.

I looked down into his big blue eyes and felt such a rush of love for my family that I could barely speak. ‘Not long now,’ I told him, ruffling his red hair. ‘Not long at all.’

‘Isn’t it gorgeous?’

I looked round, smiling as I saw Shona and Max standing nearby, their arms around each other. Next to them stood Shona’s eldest daughter, Christie, along with her husband Scott and their two young children.

‘I think this is the best display we’ve ever had,’ Shona continued. ‘We’re going to have a wander up to the market in a minute – check out the competition at the food stalls.’ She laughed. ‘And we have the Dickensian weekend to look forward to, still. It’s going to be fantastic.’

‘You’re right there,’ Jack said. ‘Callie and Brodie have really done us proud.’

‘Our Pippa’s out and about somewhere reporting on this,’ Shona said proudly. ‘You’ll have to pop into the teashop, Clara. Max has made some gorgeous Christmassy German desserts and if the customers aren’t quick, I’ll have scoffed them all before they get the chance.’

‘We had some of the lebkuchen,’ I told Max. ‘They were delicious.’

‘Thank you,’ he said, smiling. ‘I’ll be glad when school term finishes. All that teaching is getting in the way of my baking!’

I’d completely forgotten he was Head of Languages at the Chipping Royston Academy. I glanced round and noticed Ashton trying to hide behind Jack. I grinned. Nothing more embarrassing for a child than to bump into his teacher off duty!

As Max and Shona moved off to talk to our vicar, Amelia Davies, who was standing by the lychgate chatting animatedly with her partner, Tully, Christie scooped up little Maddie, who was yawning and rubbing her eyes.

‘I think this one’s ready for bed,’ she said, kissing her youngest daughter’s forehead.

‘How old is she now?’ Jack asked.

I glanced round at him and saw the big smile on his face.

‘Nineteen months,’ Christie said. ‘She’ll be two before I know it. Honestly, it goes by so quickly, doesn’t it? It seems only days ago that she was a tiny baby and now look at her. Little madam’s always up to mischief.’

‘They keep you young, don’t they?’ Jack said affectionately.

‘Or age you!’ Christie laughed. ‘But I wouldn’t be without them. Autumn’s so excited about Christmas now she’s just turned four, and it’s making Scott and me really excited, too. One thing about kids, they do remind you what the Christmas spirit’s all about, don’t they?’

‘Mm,’ I mumbled.

‘Well, we’d better take them home,’ she said with a sigh. ‘It’s past Maddie’s bedtime. Lovely to see you all again.’

As she and her little family headed over to say goodbye to Shona and Max, Jack squeezed me.

‘Makes you feel all warm and happy inside, doesn’t it?’

‘Does it?’ I gasped suddenly and my eyes widened. ‘Oh blimey!’

‘What is it, love?’ Jack’s brow creased with anxiety. ‘Are you all right? It’s not the baby, is it?’

‘Yes,’ I said, feeling dazed. ‘But don’t worry. It’s nothing bad. It just kicked, Jack. It’s the first time… I mean, I’ve felt these weird movements before but that – that was a proper kick. Ow! There’s another one!’

Jack scooped me into his arms. ‘Aw, that’s amazing! We’re going to be all right, aren’t we? You’ll see.’

I unzipped my coat and put my hand on my stomach, feeling it suddenly jerk again.

‘Yes, of course,’ I murmured. ‘We’re going to be fine.’

This baby was real. I’d struggled to come to terms with that fact, even when I’d seen the scan and heard the heartbeat, but this was something I could feel. Something I could touch and even see.

I was going to be a mum again, and it wasn’t the baby’s fault, so how could I possibly resent it?

It had all been down to the irresponsibility of Jack and me, so there was no way I could blame this tiny life.

I wouldn’t let it suffer because of our actions, any more than I’d let the boys suffer.

These children – our children – were going to have the best life we could possibly give them.

Christmas was just the start.