Page 16

Juk

M y arms are tight around Leesa. I hold her close, my hearts pounding as our bodies fold together and we sit in the snow. I make sure her legs are tucked on top of mine, intent on being the only one to sit in the cold white fluff.

The stench of vomit is nearby. I don’t know what happened. One minute Leesa was restless in her furs. I watched her from the corner of my eye, pretending to sleep against the wall. The next, she stood and flinched, panic rising off her, causing my Seeker to throb. She rushed from the cave and retched, and I followed.

I do not know much about these hoo-man females. I can only vaguely, at best, try to imagine what it was like to live amongst the stars—among Vekao—only to be thrown from them. It must be frightening.

But despite their challenges, the fear they have for their missing companions, they have all been strong. The alpha’s mate was clouded with confusion at times, and Leesa and Kay-tee have permeated a subtle fear. I can only imagine what Brex is dealing with at the den with the sullen, dark-haired female.

Leesa is the strongest. It is obvious to anyone who sees her, the fire in her dark eyes, the command in her voice. Though they claim they have no leader, Leesa is like an alpha to her people. And so I know, deep in my hearts, that to see her sobbing like this.. for her to curl up into my arms and let it all out, something is very wrong.

And so I hold her. I hold her as her tears soak my shoulder, a river of them running down my chest. Her body shakes with each one, like the earth did beneath our feet just this past morning.

The moons shift in the sky as the hours pass. Leesa stops sobbing. The tears on my shoulder have dried, and she lies still in my arms. My legs are numb from sitting in the same position for so long, my broken tail lightly throbbing behind me.

I do not dare disturb her. I will gladly sit like this for the rest of my life, if it lets me hold her. At some point, I start to lightly stroke her long black hair. It is silky between my fingertips, smoother than the hair on my own head.

Leesa sighs and shifts in my lap. I was unsure if she was sleeping, but she is awake. Her hand curls against my skin, petting me softly on the chest. My skin tingles at her touch, her delicate fingers whispering across my collar bone. My cock twitches, my Seeker flashing as desire ripples through me. My hands itch to tilt her chin up so I can lick her cheek. Or to press my lips against hers, a strange custom I have seen the alpha and his mate do. I wonder if it is a hoo-man tradition.

But I keep my hands where they are. The fact that she is in my lap brings me happiness alone. There is no telling how long this moment will last, and I will not ruin it by risking for more. She does not want to stay here, I remind myself. And yet, she chose me for tomorrow’s travel. She chose me for warmth the other night. And she has not refuted my comfort in the last few hours.

“Kay-tee will be safe with Hazen,” I say at last. My words are hoarse, dry from the cold night air. But I hope they bring her comfort. “They will make their way back to the den. He will take care of her, of this I can assure you.”

“It’s not just that,” she whispers quietly after a few heartsbeats.

I wait for her to continue. My fingers continue to stroke her hair, and my good tail wags slightly from side to side at the prospect of her opening up to me. Perhaps I can change her mind... and make her want to stay .

When she does not say anything more, I prod her. “Do you wish to speak about it?”

Leesa shifts uncomfortably. Her hands stop moving across my chest and I hold my breath. She stiffens in my hold, and finally, speaks in a hushed voice. “I’ve failed them.”

My arms tighten around her. “There is nothing you could have done about the cave,” I murmur. “The earth’s shaking was out of our control.”

Suddenly, Leesa rips herself out of my hold. She stands, her petite form towering over me. At this angle, her small teats are lined up perfectly with my face. My Seeker shines, but I ignore it. Ignore the longing to bury my face between them, to pull her back into my lap and nuzzle her face. My good tail swishes happily behind me, the limp one in pain as it tries to follow, but I push the thought behind me.

Leesa stares down at me, her eyes ablaze and shining with tears. Agony is written on her face, and I want to lick it all away. A whine instinctively tries to escape out of me, but I force it down. I do not like seeing her like this. But I sense, at last, she will tell me what plagues her. What keeps her up at night and makes her wretch into the snow.

“It’s not just Katie,” she says, tears streaming down her eyes. “It’s the others too—they’re missing. I can’t protect them out there.”

I stand, my bones creaking as I do. My tail aches at the movement, throbbing in pain, but I reach down and wipe the tears from her face. My hands cup her cheeks, her skin cold beneath my palms.

“We will find them,” I say confidently. “Even if they are in Stygian territory, we will get them back.”

Leesa shakes her head. She tries to gaze away, but I hold her in place. My eyes will not leave hers. Not until I can assure her and remove some of the sadness from her eyes.

“They could already be dead,” she whispers. “Like the others.”

My Seeker flashes and a ripple runs through me. Like the others. “What others?”

Her eyes close. Silent rivers of tears run down her face, pooling against my fingers. I brush my thumb lightly against her skin, waiting on bated breath. If there is another group of her people out there, or bodies who need a proper burial..

“My crew is a group of eight,” she starts. Her breath hitches as more tears spill from her closed eyes. Ever so slightly, she leans into one of my palms, embracing the touch.

“When the Skulchers came for us, we were working in one of the mines. We’d just found a big score, and decided to work late. I decided... I made the call. I’m the reason we were there later than we should have been, giving them the opportunity to.. to take us,” she explains. “One of the miners went up to the surface to unload, and the Skulchers were waiting. She screamed, but we didn’t hear her until it was too late—until she was running back through the tunnel, bleeding out. They shot her in the back.

“Once they came into the shaft for us, our medic tried to reach for the injured miner. The Skulchers reached out and snapped her neck. And I just stood there, unable to do anything. I couldn’t protect them.”

Leesa starts to sob again, and I pull her into my arms. She is so petite, my mate, so fragile. The top of her head only comes up to my sternum. Her body shakes with her sobs, and once again I stroke her hair, relaying her words. She has lost two of her pack already, both of their deaths in front of her eyes. One by blood, and the other by—

Suddenly my Seeker flashes. I think back on when I first saw Leesa, how she flinched ever so slightly as one of the Snowscapes shifted outside. I thought it disturbed her because it was unnatural for her people. But both Ee-vee and Kay-tee have grown accustomed, or so it seems, to the shifting. But Leesa always flinches if she hears it. Hears the snapping of bones.

“That is why you do not like it when we shift,” I murmur aloud. “It makes you think of your packmate’s death.”

Leesa nods her head against my chest. Her arms cling tight around me as her breaths heave. “It sounds just like her neck snapping. It haunts me, Juk. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save Delphine or Chunhua, or Katie. And there’s no telling if the others are alive. I’ve failed them! I’ve failed my crew!”

My thumbs move the tears from her cheeks as I stare into her eyes. Glossy and dark, Vekao and Jaci are both illuminated within the depths of the dark brown of her eyes. It is like looking up into the night sky. They hold so much pain and anger, her eyes—and fear. My mate is afraid. Afraid of both what has happened in the past and what the future may hold. Afraid of not being able to control what is coming for them—for her and her pack.

“You have failed no one,” I say, confident and unwavering. She starts to shake her head, but I hold it still, the gaze between our eyes unbreakable. “I have seen the look in your eyes before. You carry the burden of being an alpha.”

Leesa opens her mouth to protest, but I push on. “You are not the alpha of all the hoo-mans here, but you are to a few. And even an alpha cannot protect everyone. There will be times when an alpha loses a packmate, and there is nothing that could be done. You did not fail them, Leesa. You could not have known that those beings—those Skulcheers —were coming. You could not have known that your sheep would be torn apart. And you could not have known that the earth would shake and the cave collapse. Some things will always be out of control, even to an alpha.”

“I’m no alpha,” she whispers.

I shake my head and pull her face closer, leaning down to reach her. “You have the spirit of an alpha. For even when everything is going wrong, an alpha perseveres. Moves forward. Takes the next step to ensure the pack’s survival. Is that not what we’re doing now? Rescuing the remainder of your pack? Have you not ensured the safety of the sullen one, Melanee, in the den? Did you not lift rock after rock to get to Kay-tee, only ceasing once you knew she was safe? You are an alpha, Leesa. A strong, beautiful, capable female who takes care of her pack. And who I am thankful that Vekao has chosen as my mate.”

Her eyes search mine, moving endlessly from one eye to the other. My hearts thump in my chest. I did not mean to mention our mating. The words slipped out before I could stop them, sent out into the cold night air between us. They hang there now, in the air, along with the warm feeling in my thrashing hearts. Air ceases to enter my lungs as I do not dare breathe as I wait. Wait to see if she acknowledges what has been growing between us, that Vekao has chosen me for her as much as she has chosen her for me. Whether she returns to the stars or stays here, that will never change. She is my mate, and I am hers. And only Leesa can decide whether to reject the bond or not.

She does not move. Her breath is as still as mine, her eyes searching for something. My fingers twitch against her face, refusing to let her go. My Seeker shines, but my intuition is blank. There is no sense of what may happen next. And the longer the silence goes on, the louder the thumping of my hearts is. The more I start to suffocate from holding my breath, pleading, praying that she will not reject the bond.

But she wants to go home. Being here is another failure, one she has not voiced. Part of her redemption is to return her pack to the stars. I can sense this. She feels she does not belong here, but I know in my hearts she does. Vekao has brought her people here for a reason. To strengthen the pack. The alpha has found his mate, and I have mine. I do not doubt there are other pairings already in the works. But to tell Leesa this would be to tell her all her pain and misery has been for our gain. And I will never tell her that. Vekao would never be so cruel. Vekao saved them from a worser fate .

Leesa looks away and my hearts begin to shatter. She will reject the bond. She is determined to go home. And if that is her wish.. then I will help her. I will do anything to make my mate happy, even if it breaks my two hearts into pieces.

My hands drop from her face. I swallow, pushing down the feeling of heartache that threatens to tear me apart. Fool. You should not have said anything. Should have let it be .

But as I open my mouth to say something, anything to fill the silence, Leesa’s head snaps back up. And before I can react, she reaches her hand up to the back of my neck, and pulls my face down, where our lips meet in a crashing force unlike anything I have ever encountered.