Page 15

Juk

I t is a solemn ride to our next camp. We make good progress, crossing over a vast distance, but the cave’s collapse has devastated our spirit.

My tail is in a lot of pain. It limps to the side, dragging on the ground, and with every pull of the sled, pain courses through it. As a result, I move slower, running at a speed where my paws do not hit the ground as hard. It helps, but by the time we reach the shelter for the night, my tail is throbbing.

Our shelter is spacious. This is where we should have been the night before, had the storm not thrown us off course. Now, we must make up time, a luxury that was scarce to begin with.

It is a heavy feeling that hits us, as this unspoken thought hangs in the air. We finish securing the sleds as the females head inside the cave.

Leesa has not said a word since we left Kay-tee and Hazen behind. Not a word was uttered between her and Ee-vee as I pulled them in the sled, and now, she strides into the cave without even looking at the alpha’s mate. Axyll murmurs something to his mate as the two of them head inside.

The glow from the fire greets me as I join the others after shifting into my ancestral form. Leesa sits on one side of the fire, away from the others, as Kalpa skins a fresh kill and the alpha burns the meat for the females.

While the others seem content in letting Leesa stew in her quiet anger alone, I will do no such thing. I move next to her side and sit in front of the fire. She may refute what I know to be true—that we are mates—because her mind is occupied with finding the others of her pack, of finding a way back into the stars, but I will look after her until then. This is what I have decided. Though she may fight the feeling between us, the destiny that my Seeker knows to be true, I will care for her as a mate would. As my hearts long to do. If she wishes to stew in silence and anger, I will stay by her side. Should she need a shoulder to weep on, mine will be there.

Tabros comes in from the cold and shakes his body as though he is still sporting fur. He sighs and turns to the Alpha.

“Kalpa is right—the smaller sled has been damaged.”

I turn curiously to the others. This conversation must have started while I was shifting. “Damaged?”

Kalpa nods from where he plucks feathers off a second drackyr Baz brought in before running to hunt more food. “I noticed it while pulling. It keeps listing off to the right.”

“Can it be fixed?” Axyll asks as he hands his mate a piece of charred meat. We will not eat until he has taken the first bite, but he will not eat until his mate does. Ee-vee glances at Leesa who has not yet been served, and I eye the meat charring on the rocks near the fire. I take the cue and find a piece for her. She takes it, but does not start eating, instead choosing to hold it and stare into the flames. She will eat when she is ready . I know her mind is on Kay-tee.

Tabros shakes his head. He is particularly handy and was a big instrument in the sleds’ construction.

“Part of the frame is cracked. One rough jostle and it will snap,” he says. He then grimaces as he glances towards Leesa and back to the alpha. “And some of the supplies have been damaged as well. A bag of smoked meat was ripped open, and is now frost bitten. It may be salvageable, but... I think we will need to abandon the sled for now and move the supplies into the other.”

The alpha considers this as he takes a fresh piece of raw drackyr and throws it into his mouth. Finally, I think, my stomach grumbling as I reach out and pick up one of the raw pieces waiting to be consumed.

It is chewy and coppery, the taste of its sweet blood coating my tongue. I do not think I have eaten since yesterday morning before the storm set in, and my stomach rumbles happily in response. I reach for another piece when I notice Leesa looking at the raw meat with disgust. She glances towards me, but quickly dart away when she catches my eye.

I chuckle to myself, but make sure I turn my mouth away from her as I slip the next piece between my lips.

“I don’t need to be in the sled,” Ee-vee says, her mouth full of the charred meat. She swallows and turns to the alpha. “I can ride on your back.”

Tabros considers this. “With one less in the sled, I think we should be able to fit the supplies in next to Leesa.”

“I can ride on Juk, if need be.”

I whip my head back to the right, eyes wide. Leesa continues to gaze into the flames, her food still untouched. Were her words imagined? Is my Seeker playing tricks on me, making me hear what my heart desires?

But the others turn their heads towards Leesa as well. It was not imagined then. My hearts sore, my pulse quickening at the thought of her riding on my back as Ee-vee does the alpha. I have never had someone ride on my back other than the pups or cubs for fun in the den.

“Then that is settled,” Axyll says. He pulls his mate in close, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. She huddles closer, eating another piece of charred meat.

I glance back over to Leesa next to me. How would it feel to wrap my arm around her, tuck her small form next to mine? To have her nuzzle against me for warmth, to embrace her within my arms?

My hearts beat rapidly, but of course I do not move. Leesa stares into the fire, but at last starts to eat the meat. Good. Before she finishes, I take another of the cooked meat pieces and place it near her.

If I can’t wrap my arms around her, the least I can do is take care of her in every other way possible.

LISA

I hate this cave. I hate the warm, secure fire that crackles at my back. I hate that Evie is curled next to Axyll, the two of them sharing a bundle of furs comfortably, sleeping in peace. I hate the soft snores emitting from Kalpa or Tabros.

I hate that we’re safe and sound while Katie is in a maze of caves. No sunlight, no fire, nothing—or at least, that’s how I picture it. Gods-knows what supplies or food or anything they’re able to muster. I hate how I don’t know if she’s injured, or if Hazen is. If she’s dependent on him and he’s injured...

My eyes squeeze shut and I roll over to face the fire. The furs around me are tangled from tossing and turning. Sleep eludes me as guilt eats me from the inside out. We should have gone to meet them . Should have traveled to where the tunnels lead out of the cave .

But then my stomach twists again, dropping at an alarming speed as I think of the others. Of Allison, Chelsea, Gabby, and Vivianna. They need our rescue more than Katie. They still—presumably—don’t know any form of safety on this planet yet, while we do. Katie is safe with Hazen, I know this. Melanie is safe back at the Snowscape’s den, safe with the pack, with these people. And I’m...

Shifting ever so slightly, I tilt my head to look up across the fire. Juk dozes near the cave’s entrance. He is in his human form, while Baz is in wolf form on the other side of the large opening.

Juk sits leaning against the wall, his head folded forward onto his chest, his arms crossed. I watch the casual rise and fall of his chest, even and deep, as he sleeps. I glance at Evie huddled with Axyll, their two forms molded into one. Evie’s brown hair is barely discernable against the tall form of the alpha, with his light blue skin and stark white blonde hair.

What would it be like, to curl up against Juk? Against his solid body, his strong arms, and comforting touch. I close my eyes and think back to yesterday—to this morning. His fur was warm, the beating of his hearts soothing as the push of his large lungs in and out against me soothed me to sleep. Would it be similar snuggling up against him whilst in human form? To have those arms around me instead of fur, for our bodies fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle. Is it wrong that I feel so safe at that thought, while there are four of my crew lost in the wilderness of this planet, and Katie is traipsing through darkened caves?

Maybe she and Evie are right though, I think. Bad things happen no matter where we are. I never thought Gragon 6 was dangerous, outside of the mines, but that’s where we were taken. From our own backyard.

There is no guarantee what tomorrow will bring. It will hopefully bring us closer to the others. And once we find them... what next?

I knew I was delusional in thinking we’d find a way off this planet. These people, while kind and generous, are centuries behind in technology. Millennia even. They are in a stone age, while we are in the space age. Unless there is any equipment from the cargo hold or Briley’s pod that proves useful... we are stuck here. Possibly forever. And if I’m stuck here forever...

My eyes again find Evie and Axyll curled together. Twelve days. We’d been on this planet for twelve days now, and she, at least, had found a silver lining. Something to hold on to if the forever here is our end game.

Would it make me a bad leader if I found that too? If I took care of my people, my crew and my friends, but also found something... for me? Someone to take care of me? To hold me when I could no longer hold myself? To ease the nightmares that plagued me? I’d be lying if I did not admit that curling up next to Juk was the first decent sleep I’d gotten since the Skulchers took us. Since Delphine and Chunhua’s deaths.

And there was no denying that there was something between Juk and I. Regardless of how much I fought it or pretended it wasn’t there. My pulse raced whenever he entered the room; my cheeks heated when his gaze found mine. When was the last time I felt even a fraction like this about anyone else?

I turn over again, lying flat on my back. My mind will not quiet. The moonlight from the two moons outside filters in through the opening and dances across the ceiling above me, before being swallowed by the shadows of the tall cave.

Conceding that sleep will be lost on me, I stand. For what purpose, I’m unsure. I brush the dirt off my pants. The miner’s suit I refuse to give up is filthy. The black fabric is matted with everything possible, from bits of frozen ice that refuses to melt, to dust from the rocks and rubble from the cave collapse.

If I’m going to be riding on Juk’s back tomorrow, exposed fully to the elements, then I’m going to need to wear something warmer. It’s a small step forward of acceptance of my fate here on this planet, but even the thought of giving up my miner’s suit, even for a day, makes my stomach uneasy.

Suddenly, there’s a loud crackle and pop from the fire. It hisses and snaps, whatever piece of wood its chewing on angering the flames. I flinch, as panic and nausea rolls over me. The sound catches me off guard, and Chunhua flashes before me. The hairs on my arms raise as panic rips up my spine, and suddenly my stomach clenches.

I stumble out of the cave as fast as I can, into the cold night under the two moons. I get as far as I can before the small contents of my stomach comes rising up and out of me, splattering all over the snow. My eyes close as I try to take deep breaths and bring down the panic, but all I see is Delphine in a puddle of blood and Chunhua collapsing next to her.

Despite taking deep breaths, air barely reaches my lungs. The sound of my heavy inhales and exhales are lost as a white noise overtakes everything. I think this is an anxiety attack something quiet in my mind whispers to me, barely overheard through the pounding of blood in my ears and the haunting deaths of my crew mates.

Two weeks of trying to hold it together are erupting out of me, like soda in a shaken bottle. I’m shaken by what has happened to us. Shaken by the future I cannot control. And now, any strength I thought I had is failing. It’s been tested and tried, and did not pass.

Tears begin to freeze to my eyelids. Why bother? I think. Chunhua and Delphine are already dead. The chances the other four survived the crash are slim. They had no seatbelts. Nothing to keep them grounded, to prevent them from bouncing around that metal coffin.

Six dead on my watch. Katie separated, lost in a series of caves with no food. The only thing stopping me from curling up into a ball and freezing to death has been my own stubbornness. But suddenly that stubbornness has been beat down and quieted. Quieted by the white noise, blocked out by the blinding of my frozen tears. Curling up into a ball out here, in the frozen snow suddenly seems like the best idea.

“I couldn’t save them,” I whisper, one fat tear rolling past my shut eyelids before freezing on my cheek. Maybe it is time to join them in death.

A large warm hand lands on my shoulder. I don’t register it at first, the feeling lost with everything else within me. But then gentle hands turn me around and pull me in close. Warm, bright teal skin meets me as I curl up against a solid form. Two arms wrap around me, and slowly lower us both into the snow.

And there, curled up in Juk’s lap, I begin to sob. Sob for the loss of Delphine and Chunhua. Sob for the four missing in enemy territory. Sob for Katie trapped behind a mountain of rubble, trapped in the darkness. Sob for Gragon 6, my home, from where our lives were interrupted. And sob for myself, for placing all these things on my own shoulders, without ever asking if it was mine alone to bear.