Page 29 of Cause When You Love Someone

Ishmael

D evotion

“Oh my God.” Isabella groaned. “This line is so long.”

“I told you it would be, but you didn’t want to get up early. Don’t start complaining now.”

She smacked her lips. “Why not? You’ve been complaining about coming to see Mommy ever since the first time I asked.”

My mom had been locked up for a few weeks, and every week, Isabella asked if we could visit her.

Had I been her age, I may have had the same desire to see my mom no matter the circumstances.

In my case, I was a grown ass man, sick of dealing with my mother’s bullshit.

After going to court for my own case, the last thing I wanted to do was voluntarily walk into a courtroom or jail.

“I know you’re mad at her, but she needs our support, Ish.”

“I do support her. Her commissary is laced.”

Izzy rolled her eyes. “Eww. You sound like a deadbeat that pays child support but doesn’t see his kids.”

“That’s the problem. Mariah isn’t my damn child. Everybody seems to forget that.”

We stood in line for almost an hour before we reached the last security check-in and were directed to the visiting room. There were a few men scattered throughout the room, but most of the visitors were women.

“I swear, I’m never having kids,” Izzy muttered when a few babies in the room started to wail.

“There’s nothing wrong with having children. The important thing is making sure you have kids with the right person. You get pregnant by a street nigga, then you can expect to take your baby to the pen instead of the park. The choice is yours.”

Right as I got comfortable on the metal bench, a second set of inmates were escorted into the room. Even with the weeks that passed, my mom had gained some weight. I assumed that meant she hadn’t gotten her hands on anything while in custody.

“Mommy! You look good. You put on a few pounds,” Izzy greeted her.

“Please, don’t remind me.” She tugged on the collar of her green jumpsuit. “Hi, Ishmael.”

“What’s up, Mariah? It’s good to see you.”

She pursed her dry lips. “I bet you do love seeing me behind bars.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. I’m happy you’re surviving.”

“Barely,” she mumbled. “I would appreciate it if you added a few extra dollars to the pot. I want to get more sausage and noodles from the store.”

Izzy sucked her teeth. “Enough about food. We talked to your lawyer. She said she may be able to get your three-year sentence reduced.”

“That’s good. I need to get back to my man and my baby.”

I scoffed at her audacity. “That nigga let you take a charge for him. You still haven’t learned shit.”

“Please! Don’t pretend to care whether I stay in here or come home. With me out the way, you can have my daughter to yourself, like you’ve been trying to do.”

I gnawed on the inside of my jaw, hoping the pain would override my anger. If Izzy could visit Mariah without me, I would’ve jetted out the door and waited in the car. I had hoped going to jail for possession would change Mariah’s outlook on life, but it didn’t take long to realize it hadn’t.

“Ma, you’re not being fair. Ishmael has changed his life for me to be comfortable. You should just say thank you.”

“Fuck that! He’s always judging me, but I heard he went to jail too.” Her heavy-lidded gaze raced to me. “Somebody ended up dead behind you and your bitch. Yeah, I know about the Hollywood drama you’re in with that reality star you work for.”

“You can say what you want, but I’m nothing like you.

Unlike you, I don’t gain anything from you going to jail.

” All the emotions I had held in for years rose to the surface.

“Mariah, you’ve always loved you more than you’ve loved me, and it shows.

The day you put yo’ man above me, I knew it.

But still, I’ve taken care of you. Prayed and provided for you.

We ain’t nothing alike. Now, do what you’ve done for years and ignore me. Talk to your daughter.”

I remained quiet for the rest of the visit, allowing the mother-daughter duo to catch up without adding my two cents.

Our time at the jail ended around three, and after grabbing something to munch on, we started our two-hour drive back home.

With so much going on, I needed the time to drive and think.

Clarke had cried herself into a hole since Chaz had offed himself, and I didn’t know if I could pull her out of it.

I was secure in my relationship, but I could see guilt behind her eyes every time I looked at her.

“Ishmael, Mommy only has three years or less. I wouldn’t be mad if we didn’t go back. I can see her when she comes home.”

My focus raced from the highway. “Where did that come from?”

“My heart,” she answered. “Nobody in this world loves me more than you. I never want you to get hurt trying to make me happy. Mommy is ungrateful. I know it bothers you.”

“I’m good, Izzy.”

“You’re not. I can tell. I know Clarke calls you Superman, but you have feelings too. Besides, we have other things to get ready for. I’m about to be an auntie!”

Even with the tension in our home, my heart kicked up its heels at the idea of building my own family.

When rumors circulated that Clarke was pregnant, it took me by surprise.

But when I read Chaz was the father, it broke my heart.

Even with his pop-up visits, I didn’t believe Clarke was giving her body to anyone but me.

I started to confront her about the rumors, but my pride wouldn’t allow it.

The day Chaz added us to the group chat, he all but confirmed my suspicions were true. Clarke and her baby were mine.

“Izzy, how do you feel about everything going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“The baby. Clarke. All that good stuff.”

She bounced around in her seat. “I’m happy. Proud. I know how you feel about having a family.”

“And you know you’ll always be my favorite person, right?”

“Duh. When you moved into your house, I thought you would forget about me. But then you made sure to pick me up, take me out, and just kick it with me. After that, I knew you would never let me down.”

I blinked away the tears that balanced on the brim of my eyes. I tried to keep my orbs still to keep my tears from falling. I never needed praise for taking care of my sister, but her appreciation touched my soul.

“Have you decided on a name for Baby Rose?”

“It damn sure won’t be Baby Rose. We don’t know what we’re having, so it’s still up in the air.”

“Well, as much as I love Clarke, don’t let her name my baby Apple or Galaxy. You know how those reality stars do.”

From the driver’s side of my truck, I obsessed over my lady as she checked her appearance in the sun visor.

“Saying you look good at a time like this seems inappropriate, but I don’t give a damn.”

“Cut it out.” Clarke’s eyes sparkled with laughter. “Also, I would like to hear more.”

I was happy to see her weak grin had light behind it. For two weeks, I could tell Clarke didn’t really feel comfortable smiling, but she seemed more at peace.

Though most guests seemed to park in the lot behind the church, I parked in a restricted area, and my brothers followed me. After I mentioned Clarke’s decision to attend the funeral, my folks and their ladies demanded to come with us.

For a second, I checked my surroundings, then got out of my truck and walked around to let Clarke out. Hand-in-hand, we wandered over to where my family waited for us.

“Y’all ready to do this?” Church asked the group.

Clarke breathed windstorms through her nose. “As ready as we’re going to be.”

Even though we all wore black, we stood out amongst the crowd as we mobbed down the block.

Cameramen and pockets of people filled the sidewalks, and the streets were packed with double-parked cars.

Clarke and I had a conversation about how we would handle the day, but once we got to the church’s steps, I didn’t want to let her go.

“Baby,” she whispered.

I lifted her glasses off her face so I could see her eyes. “Are you going to be okay? I can go inside with you. I dare a muthafucka to say something.”

“I promise, I’ll be fine. As long as you’re out here waiting for me, I’m good.”

A muscle beat in my jaw as I thought of the worst. “If anyone even looks at you wrong?—”

“We’ll handle it.” Blaze stepped up and tapped her purse.

As pretty as she was, I knew Church’s wife was serious. I had been a witness to what she would do to a person who got on her bad side.

“We won’t be long,” Clarke declared in a tone that still didn’t bring me comfort.

To avoid the paparazzi, we crossed the street and posted up under an oak tree. From where we stood, we had a clear view of the entrance to the church.

The sound of a lighter triggered my vision to scatter. I grimaced when I saw Durk leaning against the tree with a bunt between his lips.

“Don’t spark that shit. We’re right across the street from a church.”

“Right. We’re across the street. We’re not inside. You probably need to hit this to calm your nerves.”

I shook my head. “I won’t be able to chill until Clarke comes out that church.”

“I still can’t believe you let her come to this nigga’s funeral,” Durk replied as he added fire to the tobacco leaf.

“Let?” Loso scoffed. “Clarke is a grown ass woman. I don’t know why you talk shit like you’re a big dawg. We all see the way you turn into a little puppy when Clover is around.”

“That’s different.”

I chuckled. “No, it’s not. Besides, I don’t lose anything by supporting Clarke. We have a baby coming. She’s working on her studio. She needs closure, and I’m not threatened by the dead.”

“I can’t believe that foo’ killed himself. He’s definitely going to hell now.”

Shiloh gave Durk a side-eye. “Don’t speak ill of the dead, nigga.”

“Nigga, please. Why are you acting like we weren’t looking for that bum a week before he shot himself?” The sharp-mouthed menace released a callous laugh. “To kill yourself over some pussy is crazy. That nigga lost his mind when he found out you and Clarke were having a baby.”

As harsh as it sounded, Durk was speaking facts. I had been on the hunt for Chaz’s big ass days before he died, so pretending to be hurt by his death would’ve been fake as hell.

Loso used a red bandana to rid his bald head of perspiration. “I’m happy you brought up the baby. When y’all getting married? You swore up and down you wouldn’t have a baby mama.”

I snatched the blunt from Durk when he started laughing. One deep inhale crammed my lungs with smoke that I let pour out through my nostrils.

“I don’t know if we’re ready for that. We’re having a baby in less than six months.

I’m still on the hook for parenting classes.

Plus, I’m going back to school. The day I ask her to marry me, I want it to be out of love, not obligation,” I confessed.

“On another note, I appreciate y’all coming with us.

I know the crowd is a lot to deal with.”

“You ain’t lying, but we’re family.” Shiloh squeezed my shoulder. “Just like you wouldn’t let Clarke enter the lion’s den alone, we feel the same way about you. We’d paint this city red if something happened to you.”

Clarke and the ladies exited the church about thirty minutes after they walked inside. Plans for a family lunch came into the conversation, but I insisted on taking Clarke home. Right then, I didn’t want to share her with anyone.

As soon as we got home, Clarke went to shower, and I checked on Isabella. I wasn’t surprised to find her sprawled out across a beanbag, reading a book.

“You good?” I asked.

She barely glanced my way when she waved me off. “I’m good. Get out!”

A low laugh rocked my chest as I closed her door. I knew from experience not to talk to a reader when they were in Lala Land.

Since Clarke was still in the bathroom, I used the time to change my clothes and set up a pillow palette. Thanks to my prissy lady, candles were already arranged in my room, so I didn’t have to do much to set the scene.

“Baby.”

The softness in Clarke’s tone birthed butterflies in my belly.

I spun around, and the smile on her face added character to her eyes.

Drips of water tumbled from her damp hair, and the expensive pieces and makeup she wore earlier were gone.

Fresh-faced, my sweet baby looked renewed.

Her shoulders were no longer bunched up to her ears, and her fingers were loose instead of balled into fists.

“Baby. What is all this?”

“Come here, pretty lady.”

Her cheekbones reached for the roof as she joined me in the sea of pillows.

“When’s the last time you’ve done something new?” I asked when she tugged on the chain hanging from my neck.

“It’s been too long. What are you thinking?”

“Have you meditated before?”

She shook her head. “I never thought I could keep my mind quiet.”

“That’s why we’re doing it. I hate seeing you at war with yourself, and before I let you get lost in your thoughts, I’ll teach you how to find peace within the haze. It’s a learning moment for both of us. This is new to me too.”

I sat down, then positioned Clarke so that her legs were wrapped around my waist. Face to face, we smiled at each other like goofy kids.

“You can’t play. We have to focus if we’re going to do this,” I suggested.

She snickered. “Okay. Okay. I’m going to try. You know I get hot and bothered when you’re teaching me something new.”

“In that case, you’re going to be walking around with a sharp mind and wet ass for the rest of your days. Now, close your eyes, and let me work on you.”