Page 55 of Cartel Viper (The Cartel Brotherhood #2)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Maddy

I sit in stunned silence as I listen to Javi’s story.

I can’t imagine being nine and watching something so horrifying play out before my eyes.

The Kutsenko brothers lost their dad to a grisly death when they were close to Javi and his brothers’ ages.

However, it happened while their dad was fighting in the Second Chechen War.

His brother and brother-in-law were there when it happened, and they saw Kirill die.

I can’t imagine how horrible that was to see their brother step on a landmine, but the young boys weren’t there to witness it.

Javi, Joaquin, and Jorge did. Talk about traumatic.

If I made him feel even an iota the same way he must have felt that day, I can’t think of anything much worse than that.

I cup his cheeks and offer him a soft kiss.

It hardly makes up for anything, and I know it’s not nearly enough to comfort him, but it’s the best I can do since I have no words. They’d be useless platitudes anyway.

“ Chiquita , I told you that story because I want you to know more about me. I told you that story so you’d understand just how dangerous it is to be near my family, but I also told you that story because I want you to understand you’re just as important to me as anyone else in my family.

I can’t imagine surviving my papá’s death all those years ago just to watch the most important person in my life now die too.

That’s more than I could bear. I don’t fault you for your reasoning, but I still don’t agree with it. ”

He eases me away from his chest, so he can gaze into my eyes.

“You got monumentally lucky because you were outgunned before my men arrived. If you’d tried that any sooner, you would’ve died before you even stepped outside.

You did make it outside, and you even made it to him.

However, it wasn’t skill, but rather luck that prevailed today.

I know you believed stabbing him was enough to distract him, so you could get the gun to his head.

However, it was everything going on around you that was in your favor.

It also was having all of us nearby in case you failed.

Maybe Drew trained you a little to defend yourself.

I know your parents taught you to shoot, but I guarantee nothing you know how to do matches what Drew knew. ”

He cups my cheek.

“Maybe you have no limits to what you would do just like the rest of us have none, but you simply were not matched in skill and strength to him. You were more likely to die for your efforts than not.”

“Javi, I know.”

“That means you were willing to take that risk—the risk of me losing the person I love. Risk Laura and your parents losing the person they love. You were willing to put us through that kind of agony.”

I try not to let my temper rise, but what he says now is salt in a wound.

“Javi, you might very well be better trained than Drew was or were at least a match to him, but every time you leave to go do whatever it is you do, you put me in that same position. I’ve accepted that because that’s who you are, and that comes with being with you, but don’t for a moment act like I don’t understand that danger or that I don’t understand how you feel.

I’ve watched Laura go through it when Maks has to leave.

Now I’m going to live it too. I know you believe it was selfish of me to put you in that position, and it was, but—” I shake my head.

“It’s not like I want to say you got a dose of your own medicine or that misery loves company, but you do get some insight into what it’s like. ”

He nods as he watches me. “That’s fair, but as you said, I’m evenly matched with my adversaries, and you knew this from the get-go. You risking your life wasn’t part of what either of us signed up for.”

I swallow and nod. “I don’t think I’ll ever be in a situation like I was today.

I certainly will never be in a relationship again like the one I had with Drew because you couldn’t be more different from him.

I accept all the things you’re saying, and I feel guilty for how I made you feel.

Hindsight being twenty-twenty, maybe I wouldn’t do that again, but I don’t feel guilty for reclaiming that freedom and feeling of closure. ”

“I don’t expect you to. I don’t want to take that from you.

That’s not what your punishment will be about.

The punishment is about the danger, and I know in this case you couldn’t get one without the other, but you could’ve waited until I got there.

You could’ve waited for me to help you. I was standing right there.

You looked at me and then went to Drew?—”

“Wait, Javi, no, I did not see you. I looked around specifically for him and glanced for his men, but I didn’t see you. Maybe you were there, but it didn’t register with me.”

“Then that’s a problem in and of itself. To be that singularly focused without full situational awareness endangered you even more.”

I nod because there’s nothing to argue against that. I want to believe I would’ve noticed any additional threats, but I might not have.

“Little one, let’s get your punishment out of the way, then we can take a bath together.”

“Will it really be that simple to move on?”

“Maddy, I knew I would accept whatever explanation you gave. I’d even accept you not agreeing to a punishment, but you have, and you apologized.

My forgiveness and acceptance are unconditional, but I think we’ll both feel better after a spanking.

It restores our balance. It gives us what we agreed to, and it’ll allow us to move on from this. ”

I bite my bottom lip and nod. He’s right about all of that. That’s exactly what I want. I know plenty of people wouldn’t understand this dynamic, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck because it works for us.

I stand, and he offers me his hand as he rises.

We walk side by side through the living room to the hallway.

With his broad shoulders, it’s a bit tight to continue down the hallway together, but it feels symbolic walking as his equal.

It’s not like he’s leading me to my doom, or that I’m merely following him meekly.

We’re in this together, which is part of what accepting the punishment reestablishes or reminds us of because I did do things on my own rather than with a partner.

We step into the guest bedroom, and Javi lets go of my hand.

“It’s not as though I think I’ll be doling out punishments left and right. This isn’t the equivalent of a woodshed, but I don’t want us to associate punishments with our bedroom.”

He hesitates for a moment.

“Well, unless you want to move back to Albany…or move in with your parents, or Laura…you’d have to go to a hotel. While you make up your mind about that…I figured you could…maybe…stay with me.”

His explanation is halting, and he sounds unsure of himself for the first time since he started talking to me when we got here.

“Javi, I definitely want to stay here with you, but being a guest here doesn’t make it our room even if we share it.”

His gaze locks with mine.

“It does when I hope you agree to make it permanent.”

It’s a moment before I nod. He knows that’s not an agreement to the suggestion, but my willingness to consider it.

It’s a huge step to live with someone. And even though we’ve talked about our future being together since the very beginning, moving from the theoretical to the real is a huge step.

I don’t fear living with him despite my last experience cohabitating with a guy.

It’s more that I want a minute or two to enjoy that control I got back today.

It’s not like I’d feel out of control living with Javi.

Maybe independence is the better word, or freedom, or I don’t know.

There’re no words I can think of right now that would make sense to someone else because it would sound like I don’t want to live with him.

That’s not the case. I just need a minute or two on my own to breathe.

Maybe next week I’ll agree to live with him.

Hell, maybe tomorrow morning. I’m just not quite ready today.

“Maddy, take your time. Neither I nor this condo are going anywhere. If you want to get your own place, then do that. If you want to live with your family again, do that too. Or we could find somewhere together when you’re ready.

Just know that being here with me—being anywhere with me—is an option. ”

“Thank you.”

“Strip, and I’ll be right back.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

It’s easy for me to fall into that dynamic, not because I’m a Little and he’s a Daddy Dom.

It’s not just because I’m about to receive a punishment, which would make plenty of people think we are in a DDLG relationship.

It’s not that at all. It’s purely that I feel safe and protected by him. I feel loved and secure around him.

I heard the things Drew told Javi about me when they spoke on the phone.

I turned on the intercom that was in the basement to get an idea of what was going on upstairs.

Drew must not have known, or maybe he didn’t care, or maybe it was even on purpose, but he stood close enough for me to hear that entire call.

I couldn’t hear Javi, but I know the things Drew said about me.

It’s not that I believed him, even though I’d heard him say it before.

He’d still made me feel shitty at times about my body. Javi has never done that.

Javi steps back into the hallway, and I turn toward the bed as I take off my clothes and fold them. I don’t know where he’s going or what he’s going to get, but I’m certain my spanking won’t just be with his hand. My brow furrows when he returns.