Page 10 of Cartel Viper (The Cartel Brotherhood #2)

“You’re not a Little. I’m not a Daddy Dom. But you are my chiquita . You’re smaller than me, and you’re vulnerable right now. You deserve and need protection. You deserve and need someone who appreciates you, respects you, wants the best for you. You deserve someone who’ll take care of you.”

“You just described a father.”

“Or a significant other. You deserve a partner.”

“What are you saying, Javi?”

“I’m saying you deserve better than whatever you had.”

She pulls back from me, searching my gaze for something.

She doesn’t know if I’m offering or just saying this in passing.

She must have missed the “ my ” both times I said it.

I’ve had a week to think about this. To imagine what this would be like.

Not just the physical part, though Lord knows I’ve jacked off every day thinking about that.

I’ve thought about what it would be like to offer her those things, and what it might be like if she were my partner.

She’s vulnerable in more ways than one, but she’s not weak.

If she escaped whatever hellscape she was in, assumed a false identity, and still insists she can protect herself, then that steel backbone I remember from when we were teenagers is still there.

I infuse more command into my voice than I’ve used so far, but I’m careful not to make her think I want to intimidate her.

“I know you heard every word I’ve said, so you must be ignoring me calling you my chiquita .”

“What am I supposed to call you in return? Papí ? Daddy?”

We stare at each other, and something shifts in the air between us. The words hang there, but neither of us shies away from them.

“Do you know how badly I wanted to kiss you like this when we were in high school, chiquita ? How big a crush I had on you?”

“You never showed it. I didn’t think you enjoyed being around Laura or me since you hated attending the Sunday dinners you got stuck going to at Luis and Margherita’s.”

“I spoke no English when my mom, brothers, and I arrived. I didn’t understand most of it for the first two years.

When I did, I hated the small talk. I hate small talk now.

I already saw Pablo and Juan all the time, so there was nothing new to hear from them.

Juan and Laura were practically twins and always together.

You gravitated to Pablo. Joaquin, Jorge, and I could’ve just stayed home for all we talked to anyone else.

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a crush on you. ”

I rest my hand on her waist as my other forearm rests on the center console.

I’ve twisted toward her as much as I can.

What I really want—want even more than a minute ago—is for her to straddle me.

Now, it’s so we can talk more easily not just because I want her cunt as close to my cock as I can get it with clothes in the way.

“I had one on you. I thought you didn’t care about me. You had that one girlfriend, but otherwise, you didn’t seem to date. That or you were so discreet, it never came up. You only paid attention to me once you rescued me, but even then, it’s not like we hung out.”

Her gaze doesn’t waver, but her shoulders round a little when she admits she thought our feelings weren’t the same. My fingers tighten on her waist. I want her to know how serious I am about what I’m confessing.

“Maddy, I had that one girlfriend because I couldn’t be with you, so I used to imagine she was you.

It didn’t last because I hated pretending since she was never a good substitute.

I had some decency to know how wrong that was, so I ended it.

I didn’t want anyone else but you. Then you went to Albany for college and stayed up there.

I rarely saw you while we were in college, and it’d been years since we’ve been in the same room. I was so into you.”

“I was into you, but you never gave me even a hint you were interested.”

As she speaks, her gaze drops to where my arm rests on the console. I shift and draw one of her hands up, so I can still balance my weight while entwining our fingers. My thumb rubs over the back of hers.

“You were outgoing and into everything. You love being around people. I hate it. I’ve always been a homebody. I liked you, but I didn’t think we had enough in common. Besides, there’s no way your parents or you would want you with a guy in the Cartel.”

“That’s present tense. Not back when we were in school. Now.”

“At any time.”

“You know Laura and Juan had a past that went beyond merely being best friends. My parents didn’t stop that.”

“They never liked each other romantically at the same time. They might have been fuck buddies, but they were never a couple.”

“So, fuck buddies wasn’t what you wanted.”

“And it’s not what I want now.”

“What’re you saying, Javi? Do you want me as your sub?”

That makes me pull back and sigh. “No.”

“You already have one.”

“Technically, but I haven’t seen her in two and a half months. It’s over. I just haven’t told her.”

She lets go of my hand and leans as far away from me as she can. Any trust she had just evaporated.

“Maddy, she’s not my girlfriend. It’s never been romantic. It’s a relationship, but it’s not a friendship or a partnership. It serves —severed—a purpose for her and for me. It’s run its course. I just haven’t had the heart to tell her because I wanted to avoid an argument.”

“You’ve just been stringing her along. Making her wonder why you’re not into her anymore. Making her sit around, waiting for you to pity her with your attention.”

“No. She’s free to see whomever she wants, and she does whatever she pleases.

I’ve avoided it because she needed a place to stay a few months ago, so I let her move into one of my rental units on Staten Island.

I don’t want to kick her out, but part of the reason my interest fizzled is because I know she’s taking advantage of living rent free. ”

“Taking advantage? She probably thinks she has a shitty boyfriend.”

“Hardly.” My laugh’s hollow. “She’s not some kept woman.

Some mistress I keep tucked away in a fuck pad.

I tried helping her out when her landlord upped her rent by five percent with barely the legally required advance notice.

She knew it was a favor and changed nothing about our agreement.

She knew it was supposed to be temporary, but she’s stretched it out.

I don’t want an argument, and I don’t want to dump her on the street.

I’ve avoided it and just let her stay there. ”

Maddy stares at me, and I feel like shit on the bottom of her shoe.

“You’ve always avoided conflict when you can. I know your roles in your family mean you stir up shit, but it’s never been your instinct to do it.”

She watches me for another moment before looking down at where my hand now rests on her thigh.

“Why don’t you give her the option to move out or pay rent?”

“I was going to do that once I ended our arrangement, but it’s not like I’m going to do that over text or the phone. She deserves me seeing her in person to end it.”

“But you suspect she’ll argue with you about it, so you’ve been ignoring the situation. It won’t just go away.”

“I know. But I have a more important reason than ever to break it off.”

Maddy cocks an eyebrow. She looks like she did in the hotel room and in the restroom stall. She looks beautiful.

“Maddy, I’ve thought about you nonstop since the hotel. I figured out who you were when I saw Tío Enrique’s tat right after we left the hotel. I waited outside the hotel for you, but I discovered you’d already left. I knew you went to another hotel, then to your parents.”

“You’ve stalked me?”

“Yeah.”

She blinks three times before she laughs. Not the response I expected.

“If it were anyone else, that would be fucked-up and freak me out. But you’re so honest about it, and I know it’s because you’re worried about me. I guess I can accept that.”

“It’s given me time to imagine a lot of shit between us, and not all of it was sexual.”

“But some of it was?”

It’s my turn to sit here blinking before I cock an eyebrow. She smiles and shrugs.

“Maddy, the list of whatever you aren’t telling me is probably a mile long, but it all stems from you just ending a relationship.

I have one to end. This is a shitty time for either of us to want someone new.

Not to mention your in-laws will execute me when they find out I’ve even breathed in your direction. But I know what I want.”

“Oh?”

“Do you know what you want?”

I’m too chicken shit to admit it without a better idea of whether she might want anything similar.

“Yeah, I do. And I’m not afraid to admit it includes you.

I’ve been thinking about you nonstop too.

I had a massive crush on you for years, so some of that has come back up.

You’re not a boy anymore, and I’m definitely not that girl by a long shot.

You’re right that I want a partner. There are a lot of days when it’s hard to remember I deserve anything good.

I’m pretty fucking damaged right now, Javi.

I’m a hot mess without a home or a job. You don’t need a second woman in your life without a place of her own. ”

“Those are entirely separate situations that aren’t alike. I don’t want to be your rebound.”

“A rebound only happens when there’s enough air in the ball to bounce. I feel utterly deflated. At least, I do when I’m not around you. Last night… Now… It’s different. I feel like my old self when I’m around you. But I don’t know that I can handle much more than just breathing.”

“Then I’ll wait until you know.”