Page 54 of Cartel Viper (The Cartel Brotherhood #2)

“ Chiquita , I’ve been in a lot of situations over the course of my life that have terrified me.

Times when I thought my mom would die. Times when I thought my brothers would die.

My cousins, my uncles, and definitely times when I thought I was going to die.

There has only been one other moment in my life that was worse than seeing you run toward Drew, knowing he was more likely to kill you than you were to succeed.

It was the moment I watched a man murder my father. ”

That’s more than just a gut punch. It steals my breath.

I knew someone killed his father while they still lived in Bogotá.

I had no idea he witnessed it. He must have been pretty young when it happened.

Tears fill my eyes as I watch him. I can only imagine the pain he must have felt that day, so to think I caused him even a fraction of that is horrifying.

But to know he ranks what I did up there with that experience crushes me.

My lip trembles as the tears stream down my cheeks.

That’s not something I would ever want. I never meant to put him in a position where he would feel that way again.

“Maddy, I’m certain you have your reasons for what you did, and I’ve had to remind myself repeatedly that you’ve been in other dangerous situations.

Hell, you were nearly killed today, more than once.

But this felt completely different because you ran toward the danger rather than away.

I’ll listen to your explanation. I doubt you’ll lie, so I’ll believe it.

But I can guarantee I won’t agree with it, and I promise you I won’t ignore the only consequences that can come from this. ”

I suck in a whistling breath as I freeze. My ears ring, and I don’t feel like I can exhale or draw another breath. My chest feels like an elephant sat on it. I grasp his shirt and hold on as though I’m a helium balloon about to drift away.

“Maddy. Maddy.”

I hear Javi call my name, but it feels like we’re not even in the same room. His hands are on my shoulders as he gives me a little shake.

“Maddy, I’m not breaking up with you.”

The words permeate the fog. He knew exactly what I most feared.

“ Chiquita , I will punish you, but I’m not leaving you.

I told you before I’m in this for good and that there are plenty of storms we’ll have to weather together.

I’m still upset with you, and I’m angry, but I’m no longer furious.

But even if I were, that’s still not enough to make me leave you.

Neither of us is always going to agree with each other’s decisions, but you told me you wanted domestic discipline, and I agreed to it.

I warned you that endangering yourself was the surest way to wind up with a punishment.

I can’t think of a more dangerous set of choices than what you made today, so it’s inevitable I will punish you. ”

“I—I—” I struggle to catch my breath and form the words to match my thoughts. “I figured you’d punish me, but I wasn’t certain you’d stay with me.”

“Maddy, I’ve been in love with you in one way or another since we were teens. If it didn’t go away in all the time we’ve been apart, then it won’t go away in the course of two hours.”

“Yeah, but that was before I did what I did today.”

“True, but I know you’ve been in other dangerous situations. I told you that. That wasn’t enough to push me away. Neither is this, but it’s something I can’t and won’t overlook.”

The best I can do is nod.

“We’re going to go in the guest bedroom. You will strip, and we’ll start with a spanking and go from there.”

“Javi, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I thought I was making the right choice.

I didn’t know you were there. I didn’t know when you would get there.

I knew you would. I just wasn’t sure when.

It was just Elle and me when it started.

Then I could hear your men, or at least I assumed they were yours at first. It wasn’t until I came upstairs that I was certain it was Diaz men and not some other syndicate along with Drew. ”

I watch him for a moment before he nods, encouraging me to continue.

“Elle and I already discussed what we could do to Drew. None of it involved me going to him and stabbing him or shooting him, but when the chance presented itself?—”

I pause and watch him trying to tell what he’s thinking as he allows me to explain. He told me he would listen, and that’s what he’s doing.

“It wasn’t like the idea popped into my head, and I just took off.

It wasn’t like I gave it no thought. I did plenty of it.

I knew Elle was capable of protecting herself.

I know your men are definitely capable of protecting themselves and protecting Elle and me.

I didn’t take it upon myself because I thought there was nobody there to do it.

It wasn’t just about revenge, though some of it was about that.

I needed him to know it was me. The dog he’d kicked too many times.

I wanted to be the last person he saw before he died, but more than anything I wanted to know I could have some control of my life again.

That he would no longer be part of it. That he no longer dictated where I could go, what I could do. That those choices were mine again.”

I gaze at my hands in my lap as I gather my thoughts.

“I wanted to get past the fear I’ve lived in and know that I’m not as weak as he made me believe.

That after all the times over the years he told me I was useless and worthless and that I was nothing but a pawn for him to move around, I could prove him wrong.

But more importantly, to prove to myself that he was wrong.

I suppose you could say I wanted to regain my agency, or whatever term you want to use.

I wanted to feel free. I knew I would be free once he died, but I needed to feel free of the anchor he tied around my neck. ”

As I sit on Javi’s lap, explaining why I did what I did, his hand strokes my hip and along my back and ribs.

It’s soothing and fortifying me. I’m not scared to share these things with him now that I know he won’t reject me.

However, it doesn’t make it easy for me to sit here and wait to discover the full extent of my impending punishment.

“Maddy, I understand that better than most.”

He looks toward the window, and I wait for him to continue, but the silence draws on.

Instead, his hand continues to stroke my hip while the other wraps around my shoulder and presses me to lean against him.

He strokes the hair back from my forehead and kisses the top of my head.

He relaxes more the longer he simply holds me.

“Maddy, I told you I watched my dad die. Jorge was eight. I was nine, almost ten, and Joaquin was nearly eleven. Just a few weeks away from his birthday. Mamá was at work, and Papá was taking us to the movies. We’d begged him for a week straight to take us.

My brothers and I knew the safety protocols, and we’d sensed there was something going on that was more than the usual danger our parents warned us to look out for.

It wasn’t like it was against my dad’s better judgment to take us, but now I regret my brothers and I pushed so hard to do something that seems so insignificant now.

We made it to the theater and had a great time while we were there.

We got to eat all the snacks our mom would never let us have.

It was the stereotype of a dad’s day out.

He completely indulged us and was the nice parent when my mom had to be the strict one, at least when it came to what we ate.

By the end, all three of us had stomach aches, but we loved it. ”

He pauses to kiss the top of my head again, and I think that soothes him. He rests his cheek on my head.

“We were headed to the car with our guards. My brothers and I didn’t notice the first guard to drop, but Papá did.

He knew there was a sniper somewhere. He wrapped himself around the three of us and pushed us toward an alley.

He didn’t want us to go all the way down there because we would’ve been trapped, but he wanted a place where there were no doors or windows, where someone could creep up behind us.

His men ran to block the entrance to the alley, but there wound up being two snipers who picked off half of them before they figured out where the hidden threats were.

I watched a man fall out of a tenth-story window when one of our guys hit him, but the other sniper kept going.

Then there were men on the street running toward us. ”

I rest my hand over his heart, and he sighs.

“Our SUV pulled up, and the remaining two guards and Papá hurried to get the three of us into the car. He’d just closed the door behind me when blood splattered the window.

My brothers and I all saw it happen, but I was the one closest to him.

I reached out, but the glass was in the way.

There was nothing anyone could do. He died in order to protect us.

He left himself exposed to make sure the three of us could get in the vehicle.

He’d been our shield. He died being a dad before being anything else, but he died because he was in a cartel. ”