Page 25 of Carnival

Rose

T his is absolute insanity.

I don’t even want to think about how Hudson or Noelle would react if they knew I was doing this. It’s not smart, and the closer we are to the goal of seeing James, the more scared I’m becoming.

Casper is walking in front of me, and I’m trying my best not to tremble like a leaf. Not only is it too cold outside, but I’m also scared shitless. I keep up with his quick pace as we reach the entrance of the prison, and I swallow thickly, shivers running down my body.

I’m wearing a prison guard uniform. I don’t know where Casper managed to get one in my size, and I don’t want to know. All I know is that one good look at me from the actual guards, and we’ll be discovered.

I keep my head up, trying to act as if I belong here. Casper leads me into the prison, and I don’t know what he says to one of the main guards, but the man simply nods, hands him a key, and we walk further inside.

There are cameras everywhere, following my every movement. It feels like some sort of a sick joke, and no matter how much I want to see James, I’m starting to doubt this whole thing.

“Are you alright?” Casper slows down his pacing, matching mine instead, his voice a low whisper.

“Yes,’’ I whisper back, lying through my teeth. He casts a sidelong glance at me, then continues walking into the prison. It’s late at night, when the guard’s shift is switching, and we don’t have much time to spare.

“James got into an altercation today,’’ he says. “He’s now in solitary confinement.’’

“Is he okay?”

Casper nods. “He is. The other guy isn’t.’’

He leads me up to the third floor, and it’s less chaotic than the previous parts of the prison we’d seen.

It’s my first time in a prison, and it feels weird.

I try to remember as many details as possible, just in case I ever need them, but it’s all new, all unlike what I’d expect a prison to look like.

“He got into a fight?”

“Yes,’’ he leans in, whispering so no one else overhears. “And it was bad. He managed to break the guy’s wrists and ankles alone.’’

I wince at the thought, not daring to imagine what could’ve caused James to lash out so severely.

Then again, does he ever need a reason? He seems like the type of person not to think about the consequences and just let his impulses win, which isn’t surprising, considering how we ended up being entangled.

Casper stops in front of a big, metal door, then turns to look at me.

“Is this it?”

He nods. “Yes, as I said, once you’re inside, you have half an hour maximum.’’

“Are you coming in?”

“No,’’ he states, firmly. “I need to be on the lookout. Remember, you can’t leave until I open the door. You have a watch on you, so time it. The room is soundproof.’’

I frown. “That… doesn’t seem very safe.’’

Casper shrugs. “Inmates sent to solitary confinement scream a lot. They’ve made most of them soundproof.’’

I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what I’m about to see and hear. A knot forms in my throat, and I do my best to ignore it, or the fact that my palms have grown increasingly sweaty since we first arrived here.

“Open the door,’’ I say, voice firm, as I try my best not to look terrified.

Caspian pulls out the key that he took from the guard, and it doesn’t take him long to open it. It opens with a soft click, and he pushes the door open just enough for me to squeeze inside, without anyone else being able to see what’s in the room.

At first, I’m startled by the small size of the room. There’s barely any room for a person to turn around, let alone anything else. No chair, no bed, nothing. Just cold, damp, dirty old walls, a small lightbulb at the top, and the smallest window I’ve ever seen, allowing moonlight in.

“James,’’ I breathe out, my voice coming out in a shaky whisper.

He’s turned with his back to me, head tilted upward as he stares at the moon that’s barely visible through the small window. My breath hitches in my throat, and tears threaten to slip when I take him in.

He’s wearing red inmate clothing — they’ve labeled him as K-10 status.

James turns to look at me, painfully slowly. Eyes that used to look at me lustfully or, at other times, hide their emotions behind the stoic mask are now empty, blank — dead. The shades of brown are dull, staring at me with a void so deep that it shatters the remnants of my sanity.

It’s like he’s looking at me, but he can’t see that I’m there — he’s looking through me. It’s been five days since he got arrested and brought here, and it looks as if he’d aged fifteen years in that time span.

His usually clean-shaved face now has a slight stubble, and the man who always had such a clean appearance, who took care of himself, carefully groomed his hair, and ensured not a hair was misplaced now has deep, dark undereye bags, a weight of the situation that isn’t lost on me.

I take a reluctant step closer, glancing briefly at my small wristwatch. I have another twenty-five minutes, and I don’t want to waste them. James seems to snap himself out of the haze he’d been in since I stepped into solitary confinement, brows narrowing.

“Hellion,’’ he says, voice deep and low. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

I take another step closer, and now, our chests are almost touching, the tension between us two palpable. There are too many things I want to ask, to say, and to apologize for mainly, yet they get stuck in my throat, and it takes me a moment to forcefully push the words out of me.

“I’m so sorry,’’ I whisper, looking up at him.

There it is again — the mask of stoicism I’m so used to, the indifference, and the inability to allow himself to feel anything beyond negativity.

“You’re sorry,’’ he repeats, words slow, almost as if he’s struggling to comprehend them. “You’re sorry.’’

“Yes,’’ I lick my lips. “It… it wasn’t me, I swear, James.’’

A loud, deep laugh reverberates through the tiny room, and I’m caught off guard. His teeth shine as the moonlight hits them, the lightbulb above us flickering. There’s no humor in the sound, just pure disbelief.

“Let me get this straight,’’ he chuckles.

“I get knocked out and poisoned, then Hudson interrogates me, but you had nothing to do with it. Then, I get sent to protect you, and the only people who know my whereabouts are you and your family, but somehow, I get arrested in your home, and you had nothing to do with it, either? What a world of coincidences we’re living in. ’’

“I know what it looks like,’’ I whisper, reaching up to cup his cheeks, but he steps back, rejecting my touch, and my entire soul starts crumbling. “I promise you, James, I didn’t know. I swear.’’

Something in him snaps. I don’t know if it’s the result of what he deems to be betrayal on my part or the fact that he’s currently in prison, with no way out, possibly getting sentenced to death, but it’s swift, and I don’t see it coming.

A loud gasp slips from me when I feel his hand wrap around my throat and he slams me against the wall behind me. He leans in, his face a mere fucking inch away from mine, his lips thinned into a line.

“Then it was your family,’’ he hisses. “And guess what, Rosalie? I’m fucking tired of you people using me for your gain.’’

“What?”

“I’m not stupid, hellion,’’ he murmurs, lips brushing against mine.

“You came to the carnival looking for answers. Then you found me — and decided to try and extract information out of me. Let’s be real, if I wasn’t of any use to you, you wouldn’t have looked at me twice.

And the man you see as your father? Yeah, he did the fucking same thing. ’’

Tears cloud my vision, a couple of them sliding down my cheek. A shaky breath comes from my throat, and I’m at a loss for words. Because I can see the slight hurt he tries his best to mask, and no matter what I do or say right now, nothing will convince him that I didn’t do this on purpose.

“James,’’ I croak out, his face blurred behind my tears. “I wouldn’t do that on purpose. I know it’s fucked up… the way we met, and the way all of this came to be, but I really, really have feeling for—’’

Words get cut off when James puts pressure on the side of my neck, tightening his grip immensely. His eyes narrow at me dangerously, and the pain of his hand against my throat doesn’t hurt even a fraction of the hurt I’m feeling looking at the pure hatred in his eyes.

“Don’t you dare fucking finish that sentence, hellion,’’ he yells in my face.

His free hand comes down, tugging on the pants I’m wearing.

“Tonight will likely be the last time you see me before I’m injected.

It will be the last time I get to fuck you, and I want to focus on that.

I want you to remember that even when they kill me, your entire being, everything that you are, will forever belong to me. ’’

His words slap me into reality.

This is his reality.

He doesn’t know that I’ve been begging Hudson and Arlo to help him. He thinks he’s all alone and that no one will be coming to help him. He firmly believes that he’ll never walk freely, be outside, and live again.

So, I let him pull my pants down and push my underwear to the side.

In some sick, twisted way, I need this as much as he does. He needs reassurance that I belong to him, and I need him to take all the stress away, so tomorrow, I could start focusing on him getting out, because there’s no use in denying it anymore.

James Maddox is a monster, and I willingly allowed myself to fall for the monster with pretty eyes and a charming smile.

I allowed myself to be trapped in the cage he built for me, decorated in pretty roses, filthy promises, and sinful temptations.

He craves to own and control me, and I yearn to stay caged up because he took off the thorns of the roses just to keep me safe.