Page 15 of Carnival

Rose

I wake up feeling well rested.

My head’s on James’ chest, his arms wrapped around my body under the covers. It takes me a moment to register it all, and once I do, the inner conflict returns. The part of me that wants to thoroughly enjoy this is stopped by the slight fear that creeps up my neck.

It vanishes when James slowly stirs awake, his eyes falling on me lying on his chest. For a while, neither of us utters a word, because there’s nothing to say. I shove the fears to the back of my head, and try to focus on the moment that I know won’t last for as long as I’d like it to last.

The room doesn’t have any windows, and I have no way of knowing what time of the day it is or how long I’ve been in this place. No matter how much I’d like to enjoy myself and the time I have with James, there are a lot of questions that I need answered first.

“James,’’ I mumble against his chest, my fingers tracing idle patterns over his stomach, almost absentmindedly. His heart is beating against my ear, and it’s such a soft sound that makes me feel all giddy on the inside.

“Yes, hellion?” His voice is raspy, still half-asleep as he looks down on me.

“We can’t continue to do this,’’ I admit through a whisper. “I need answers. I feel like I’m going insane, and you’re not helping, either. So, please, just… tell me.’’

James freezes, his hands suddenly holding me tighter, as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go. He sucks in a deep breath, his body rigid, and even his heartbeat picks up the pace. I glance up to meet his eyes, and yet again, I can’t read his emotions; everything is perfectly masked.

“What exactly are you referring to?” James asks, voice gruff. I already know he won’t give me the answer to the questions I want to know the most, and it would be useless to try. Hence, I decide to switch up my tactic and see how much he’ll reveal.

“You said that you and I were in the same foster home.’’ I tilt my head up, carefully watching his reaction. “Were we friends back then?”

As per usual, I don’t know what he’s thinking, and I can’t tell whether he’ll lie to me or not. I may not be able to read everyone well, but I’ve learned how to find little tells, ticks, or anything of the sort to indicate the person might be lying.

However, with James? There’s no chance I’ll ever be able to tell, and it scares me.

“Friends,’’ he repeats, slowly, then looks away, jaw clenched, eyes focused on the wall. “I wouldn’t use that word. But it was you and me, then another two children, the biological kids of the foster family.’’

“Then what word would you use to describe that situation?’’

“At best, you and I were two kids, both in a very shitty situation. Don’t get me wrong, the foster family did their job. They provided shelter, food, clothes, and education. They did the bare minimum, and although they weren’t overly affectionate, they were far from abusive.’’

A frown tugs on my lips, and I sit up, wrapping the blankets around my bare body, trying to warm myself as much as possible.

It’s not the cold that’s bothering me, because I can barely feel it — it’s the chills that are slowly spreading through my body, and somehow, I have the feeling that I won’t like this story.

“Then… what happened?”

James’ jaw clenches, and if he clenches it a bit more, I’m scared his teeth will break. He sucks in a sharp breath, barely blinking, and stares at the wall across from the bed. He’s silent for a couple of minutes, and my mind is running as quickly as possible.

“I can’t tell you,’’ he says, and I open my mouth to respond, but he’s quicker, stopping me before I even get a single word out. “Not because I don’t want to, but because you won’t believe me. And so, I’m trying to jog your memory, because it will be far easier if you remembered on your own.’’

“Then what can you tell me?” I sigh.

“Their children… Willow and Gabriel weren’t thrilled when I first got sent there.

Willow was a few years older than me, and from the moment I arrived, she had this fixation with me.

She’d follow me around wherever I went, she’d burst into the bathroom while I showered, and had the tendency to sneak into my room whilst I slept. ’’

“What the hell was she doing?”

He shrugs. “I’m not sure. I was seven when I first got sent there; she was about eleven, I’d say. Definitely old enough to know not to enter anyone’s bedroom during night or an occupied bathroom.’’

“Did you tell your foster parents?”

James nods. “She’d stop because they’d ground her and take away her privileges, but it never stuck. She’d go back to doing it after the dust settled down. Then, a few years later, you came along.’’

“Yeah, you said I was seven.’’

“Yes,’’ he sighs. “And Willow wasn’t thrilled about not being the only girl anymore. She was twelve, competing with a seven-year-old girl. I don’t know if she had a crush on me and she saw you as competition, but she made sure to make your life a living Hell.’’

I freeze for a moment, and James continues.

“Gabriel was a bit different. My age, and although he disapproved of his sister’s antics, he loved her too much to say anything.

Instead, he followed her around like a lost puppy.

He wouldn’t participate in her bullying, but he never made an attempt to stop it, either.

In my eyes, both of them were equally bad. ’’

“Was she… terrible to me?”

“Sometimes,’’ he glances at me. “If I ignored your existence, she wouldn’t even look at you.

But if I so much as spoke to you, even if it were brief, she’d lose her shit.

Often, she’d force Gabriel and me to have tea parties with her.

She’d force me to braid her hair and add fucking daisies to it.

The house was next to a lake, and it was surrounded by acres of land and forest that belonged to the family. ’’

Breath hitches in my throat, the vivid images of my nightmare flooding my mind. The girl that I saw in the nightmare suddenly flashes behind my eyes, and I blink, trying to brush away the images. I thought that since it was just a dream, I was watching it from the sidelines, but now…

In the dream, they were across from me, across the lake. What if that was a memory that got entangled with the nightmare? What if it was a flashback of me being alone and staring at them while they were playing?

“Rosalie?” James’ voice snaps me out of the trance. “Are you alright?”

I nod. “I’m fine. Continue.’’

“Well, Willow never gave up, really. It didn’t help that over time, you and Gabriel bonded.

It wasn’t a deep bond like siblings or friends; more like two people remotely liking each other and living under the same roof.

Willow didn’t like that. Especially not after I started leaning more toward hanging out with you and running away from her. ’’

“You said that we weren’t friends, though.’’

He snorts. “And we weren’t. But between the annoying Willow and the boring Gabriel, you were the only person I found worthy of speaking to. But once I realized that Willow would use you to try and force me to be by her side, I distanced myself from you.’’

I pause for a moment. I don’t remember any of this, so why is my chest aching? It’s like a deep wound that never properly healed, and it’s slowly starting to bleed again. I take a deep breath, trying to focus on James.

“Let me guess, she was never properly punished for what she did?”

James shakes his head. “I think she was jealous when you arrived. You were a cute kid, and she wasn’t used to having another girl in the house, so the attention was shared between the two of us.’’

“Then tell me… why was I removed from the family?’’

“Veto.’’

“We are not doing this again.’’

“Then stop asking the same question.’’

“Fine,’’ I scoff. “How about…’’

I pause, pondering my next question. James rolls to the side, props on his elbow, and rests his face in his palm. The blankets drop, and his torso is all I can focus on for a while. I ignore the tingling sensation between my legs and clear my throat.

James lifts an amused brow, a smirk on his lips. Damn it, the bastard caught me staring.

“Two years ago… when I walked into that terror house… did you know who I was?”

“Yes,’’ James responds without hesitation, and my heart skips a beat. “You were removed from the Cooper family when you were ten years old, and I stayed until I turned eighteen. The moment I was out, I spend every waking moment searching for you, Rose.’’

“You did?” I whisper, disbelief in my voice.

“Of course I did,’’ he sighs. “It wasn’t easy.

Because you were originally from Louisiana and the Coopers were in New York, I had no idea where you would’ve been placed next.

And whenever I thought I was getting closer to finding you, I’d come up empty.

It wasn’t until I saw you in the terror house that I finally found you again. ’’

“But that was eight years after I was removed from their house. I changed a lot.’’

He chuckles. “Yes. You grew from a shy, nerdy girl into this beautiful, confident woman. Although your appearance changed over the years and you grew up, those pretty eyes remained the same. I thought it was you, then I heard Aria refer to you as ‘Rose’ and knew that it had to be you.’’

“But you couldn’t have been sure, right? I mean, there are a lot of girls my age, with my looks, that are called Rose.’’

A small laugh slips from him, and I’m caught off guard. It’s sincere, soft, and unlike anything I’ve heard from him thus far. “Yes, but I recognized the scar,’’ he mumbles, his free hand coming to stroke my shoulder.

I have a small, rectangle-shaped scar. It’s light and old. I don’t remember exactly how I got it, but it’s been there ever since I could remember. It never bothered me, and I didn’t think he’d use that as a means to recognize me.

His thumb strokes the scar, his warm hand connecting to my cold body, causing me to lean more into his touch, like I’ve been touch-deprived for years.

“Is that why you took my virginity back then?” I mumble. “Because you recognized me?”

He lifts his eyes from the scar and looks me in the eyes, a smirk on his lips. “I didn’t just take your virginity, Rose. You took mine, too.’’

“Wait—what?”

He hums. “You heard me.’’

“But, but…’’

“But what?” He sits up and pulls me to sit on his lap, the covers falling off my body, baring it to him yet again. He stares at the endless love bites he left behind, a hint of satisfaction lingering in his eyes.

“Why did you lose it with me?”

“Because, my hellion,’’ he murmurs, gently tossing my hair behind my back, his hands cupping my breasts gently. “Back when we were at the Coopers, I was maybe too young or perhaps too naive to understand something very important.’’

“Yeah? What?”

He looks at me, gripping my flesh a little tighter.

“I stayed away from you so you wouldn’t think I was desperate.

But in reality, I was obsessed with you from the moment you walked through the fucking door.

From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I had this feeling that you were simply the other half of me, and I haven’t let go of the feeling since. ’’

I swallow thickly, doing my best to remember what the fuck went down in that house and why I was suddenly removed. Yet, no matter how much I tried, nothing came to mind. Except for that haunting nightmare and the words of the girl that still vividly ring in my ears.

“Hey, James?”

“Yes?”

“What happened to those two?”

“Last I heard, Gabriel is in university, wanting to become a part of the law enforcement.’’

“And Willow?”

He pauses.

“Dead.’’