Page 19 of By Rude Strength

“Yeah.” LA nodded. “I kinda get what you mean.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve had embalming cases that… I couldn’t fix. And I can fix a lot of things. Death by shotgun, car wreck, even a chainsaw one time. Whatever.” LA chugged another mouthful of rum and then set the bottle on the table. He settled back in Cass’s arms and closed his eyes. “I’d do everything I could, I’d work on them for hours and hours, days if I had to, but sometimes… It was hopeless.”

“And what did you do then?”

“I’d have to tell the family that there wasn’t anything I could do. They’d have to close the casket for the services.” LA shrugged, his heart heavy. “I’d have to just… let it go.”

“Sometimes that’s all you can do,” Cass said carefully.

“I hate it.”

“Of course you do. That’s normal. You obviously invested a lot of time and energy into your job and I can only imagine how devastating it was when you didn’t get the result you wanted. Not just for you, but for the family you wanted to help.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Relationships can be like that...”

LA peeked open his eyes. “Uh-huh.”

“You invest time, energy, and affection, and sometimes the person you’re with isn’t giving you what you deserve in return. It reminds me of someone, hmm.” Cass tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Gee, but I wonder who?”

“I know you’re talking about Gavin.”

“What? Huh?” Cass blinked. “Gavin who? Who’s that?”

LA glared. “Come on. Quit bullshitting me. What do you want me to say? That I was putting more into the relationship than he was and getting jack shit in return other than being able to say that I wasn’t single? And then the second I wasn’t giving him a gazillion percent and making it all about him, he dumped me?”

“Yes. That. Exactly that!” Cass threw up a paw and more confetti rained down on them. “Hurray! A breakthrough!”

LA scowled, swatting at the confetti. “I still want to be with him.”

“What?” Cass gasped, the confetti immediately vanishing. “Why?”

“We were together for a long time. I’m not ready to throw that away yet.” LA stared at the spare keys on the table. “Even if…”

“If what?”

“Even if it feels like it’s been over for a while,” LA said quietly. “I can’t remember the last time we had a real date. Like, a date that was just the two of us and not him and a bunch of his friends along for the fuckin’ ride. Hell, I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.” He groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Ithink things might have been worse than I realized. Maybe I did, but I just didn’t want to see it.”

“You didn’t want to be alone,” Cass said softly.

“What?”

“You said something about not wanting to be single before.”

“Yeah, I guess.” LA’s stomach twisted. “Something like that.”

“You know that’s not a good reason to stay with someone, right? Especially when the relationship isn’t healthy.”

“Shut up,” LA muttered. “I… I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. Talking isn’t fixing anything.”

Cass looked as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He forced a smile and then said, “Well, how about we focus on something more positive?”

“Like fucking what?”

“Uh, like the fact that you are an incredible artist? Your work is quite stunning.”