Page 112 of Burning Ember

Bethany’s eyes widen a bit at my confession. I know this is news to her and along with everyone else. Honestly, I have no idea why I decided to share that.

“Mind if I steal her from you?” Blaire asks.

“Not at all,” I lie as I hand Medda over to the woman glaring at me.

Bethany speaks up. “It’s been nice having Doll at the house. Medda loves her and Axel is warming up to her.

“What happened to your other sitter? That neighbor of yours?” Nick asks.

“Mrs. Rhodes? She’s getting old and I don’t really trust her anymore with Medda. I caught her sleeping the last two times when I went to pick Medda up. She’s on some new medication that makes her tired all the time.”

“What I wanna know is why aren’t you callin’ if you need help?” Nick’s mouth pinches tight and tension rises in the circle of women.

“Ma!” Taffy chides.

“What?”

Bethany takes a deep breath, and says, “I . . . I don’t want to keep putting you guys out. You have your own lives—”

Nick cuts her off. “Nonsense. We’re family. Those could have been my grandbabies. You need help—you reach out. And I’m not askin’. You understand?”

Silence descends in our little circle. Bethany nods and looks away.

It’s then I notice people walking out of the yard.

“Oh. Good. They’re here!” Nick exclaims. A huge grin lights up her face. “Come on, ladies. I haven’t seen my nephew in five years and I’m not waitin’ another minute.”

Someone shuts off the music and I hear the thunderous roar of a storm, or more accurately, the sound of a group of motorcycles riding down the road.

This same sound had me tensing as a child, thinking my sister’s nightmare was yet again coming to call.

I hang back, using the kids as an excuse. “I’ll keep an eye on the little ones,” I tell them. I reach out for Medda. Although Blaire looks reluctant to do so, she hands Medda back to me.

I’m not ready to see Mav. My gut is twisting and turning, and I think I’m going to be sick.

As the seconds tick by, the rumble of the motors gets louder and I hear cheers break out from the partygoers. They’re yelling, shouting, and clapping. The growl of the motors carries on and then bikes start being revved. The sound is so loud and the bikes so near, I swear I can feel the ground vibrate beneath my feet.

I hug Medda tighter to me and when she looks up at me, I force myself to smile back at her. Some of the kids pause and glance toward the end of the clubhouse. A few run toward the sound, while some of the other kids who look unsure come closer to me.

The roar quiets little by little and finally, the last motor cuts off. I can still hear people out front, but it almost seems deathly quiet compared to how loud it was before.

By the time the partygoers start to make their way to backyard again, my insides are revolting. I can feel a panic attack brewing and I’m regretting offering to watch the kids. If I hadn’t, I could hide, leave, run. Get away before Mav has the chance to see me and see that yes, I’m still here, waiting like the poor lust-lovesick girl I am, to see which version of him will greet me now that he’s back.

I walk toward Bethany when I see her. Her eyes widen at what must be my anxious expression.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Can you take Medda? I’m not feeling so great,” I mutter as I hand Medda to her.

Using the backdoor, I enter the clubhouse and go to the kitchen sink. Leaning over it, I suck in deep breaths and force myself to keep swallowing, pushing down the nausea that’s threatening to rise.

Breathe, Em. Breathe

“It’s fine. You’re fine,” I say to myself.

Then boisterous shouts draw my attention and I look out the kitchen window. HOCs flood into the backyard with everyone else. I don’t see Mav. I search, but he’s nowhere in sight. Maybe he’s hiding from me too.

Dozer and another man walk into the yard with huge smiles over their faces, their arms on each other’s shoulders. The other man is wearing HOC colors, and I recognize him from the pictures in Mav’s office, but he’s not been around the club these last two weeks.