Page 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

FALIN

Jasper’s in surgery. Fucking surgery. This waiting room is purgatory. Every step I pace along its stark-white floor brings me one minute closer to seeing him. To knowing he’ll be okay. Hours have passed, I think, marked only by the change of old comedy reruns blaring from the TV across the room, their laugh tracks taunting me.

The blood is still under my fingernails despite scrubbing them raw in the bathroom. I don’t know what the bullet hit. How deep. If it tore through organs or severed nerves. There was so much blood. God, I can still smell its coppery tang in the back of my nostrils. And he’s already been shot once in the past year. It should have been me. I deserved it for thinking I could take Alexander alone.

Alexander’s words echo in my mind. Always needing to control everything, everyone. How’s that working out for you?

Not fucking well at all.

Was that what I was doing? Trying to control the situation? I don’t know anymore. I wanted to keep them safe, and look where that got me. At least Alexander’s dead… but I know he’s only a small part of this web. His uncle is who we need.

“Falin!” I freeze to find Blake rushing through the emergency room doors with Damon and Leon close behind. I’ve never felt relief this strong before.

I run to meet them, tears springing to my eyes. They wrap me in a hug, all of us in one giant heap of arms and murmured words. “You’re okay,” I repeat. “We’re okay.”

When we pull apart, I take in Blake’s tear-stained face. “It was?—”

Damon pulls her against his chest. “It was bad.”

A weight sinks in my gut. “Tell me everything.”

“We will,” Leon says. “But how is he? We raced over here as fast as we could. Cops everywhere, we couldn’t move. Fuck. We had to get out of there.”

Shit. If cops are involved…

“He’s in surgery, that’s all I know. The bullet hit his abdomen. It all happened so fast.”

Saying the words out loud, seeing their panic-stricken faces, makes this all too real. Blake sucks in a breath. “I’m going to see if I can get some more information. Maybe if I use my big med school words, someone will give me something.”

I nod, watching her back as she retreats toward the check in desk. “Ray?”

Damon’s face twists, like hearing the name causes him physical pain. “They got there first. We didn’t know.”

Oh God. All those guys… dead. They were there for us through all of this nightmare. They had families and lives. I close my eyes as a wave of grief washes over me. It quickly changes to anger.

Blake hurries back over. “They said we can see him. I had to argue with a nurse, and a doctor,” she smiles, “but I wasn’t taking no for an answer.”

I follow Blake down the sterile hallway, trying not to focus on the sharp antiseptic smell or the way my hands won’t stop shaking. The others trail behind us, their footsteps echoing against the linoleum floor. I need to see his face. To know he’ll be okay.

Jasper’s recovery room is dimly lit with different machines beeping steadily beside his bed. Seeing him lying there, pale and still… my chest cracks in two.

Blake explains what little information she was able to get. “The bullet tore through his abdomen, causing internal bleeding.” It was four hours of surgery. Four hours of me pacing the waiting room, convinced I’d lose him before I got the chance to tell him how I feel.

She comes to stand by my side, squeezing my hand. “The surgeon said everything went well. They repaired the damage. He’ll be in pain for a while, but there shouldn’t be any lasting effects. I’ll go see what else I can find out.” Her hug envelops me before she heads back out into the busy hallway.

I sink into a crouch beside his bed and carefully take hold of his hand. His skin is warm despite how pale he looks, his pulse a steady drum beneath my fingers. Tubes and wires snake from his body to all of those machines. For a brief moment, I remember how my mother looked as she lay in her hospital bed, right before she died. I was so young, but the steady beeping brings me back. It’s both comforting and terrifying. Those beeps mean he’s alive, but seeing him like this, so vulnerable. I wish I could kill Alexander all over again.

Leon and Damon hover near the doorway, their faces grim. I know they’re thinking about Ray and his men, about the cost of tonight’s mission, about Jasper barely escaping with his life. The weight of it all is heavy in the room.

“Hey,” Damon says softly. “We never found out exactly what happened.”

I stroke my thumb across Jasper’s knuckles, drawing strength from his steady presence even in unconsciousness. Taking a deep breath, I turn to face them.

“Alexander is dead,” I whisper. “I shot him and he fell off the roof.”

They stare at me, stunned. Finally Damon lets out a short laugh, the sound startling in the quiet room. “You killed Orlov? You? ”

Okay, now I’m getting pissed. I cross the room so they can hear me clearly. “Yes, me. Why is that such a surprise?”

Damon’s jaw hangs slack, his eyes wide as he looks at me like he’s seeing me for the first time. Leon cracks the slightest smile, and squeezes my shoulder gently. “Wouldn’t expect anything less from our girl.”

Our girl.

Two simple words, but they reach into my body and fill every hollow space that years of loneliness had claimed. I’d forgotten what it felt like to belong somewhere, to have people claim me as their own. The fierce protectiveness in Leon’s voice, the pride in their eyes. It’s everything I never knew I was missing. I blink rapidly, fighting back tears.

“Thank you,” I whisper, “for letting me in.”

“You’re Jasper’s girl and Blake’s sister. That makes you ours.”

A family. It’s what I’ve craved for so long that I don’t even know how to process their words. For years I kept my walls up high, convinced that control meant safety. That if I never let anyone close enough to hurt me, I’d never have to feel that crushing sense of abandonment again. My parents left. My mother died. My father chose a life of liquor and law. Never staying in one place too long, staying busy. It kept my heart from breaking.

But looking at these men, at Blake, at my family, I realize control was just another wall I built. Another way to keep myself from the terrifying, wonderful feeling of belonging. Of being claimed and loved exactly as I am.

Jasper. Please God, if you ever cared about me, make him pull through. I can’t lose him. I make my way over to the side of his bed again, taking in every detail of his face. His perfect jaw, lined with stubble. His straight prominent nose leading to full lips. Those dark lashes and thick brows. This face I’ve grown to need more than air.

I don’t know how it happened. How this insufferable, beautiful man slipped past every defense I’d so carefully constructed.

The weight of it has me sucking in a gasp. I love him. I love him in a way that pulls the air from my lungs. I love him the way I swore I’d never love a man. The type of love that means giving up control. Being vulnerable. Risking everything. Somehow the only thing that scares me is not being able to tell him.

I brush a kiss across his cheek as my heart races, and cross past the guys to get some air. They ask if I’m okay, but I can’t find the words to tell them that despite this situation, I’m great. I finally feel whole.

Blake, Damon, Leon, him —they’re the family I need.

I want it all. To fight, protect, and love each other without any guarantees.

My whole life, I’ve been searching for my birth parents, desperate to understand where I came from. But maybe finding where I belong matters more than finding where I began.

“Hey, you alright?” Blake’s eyes widen as she heads toward me. I must look like I lost my mind as a smile lifts the corner of my lips.

“Yeah,” I say, swallowing the emotion clogging my throat. “I love you, Blakey.” I wrap her in a hug, feeling the overwhelm of gratitude for my best friend.

“I love you too.” She pulls back to look at me, and feels my forehead with the back of her palm.

“I’m fine, I promise.” I smile to show I mean it.

“Just checking. You went through it tonight. We all did.” She’s quiet for a moment while the events of the night must play through her mind. “But good news,” she forces her tone to sound upbeat, “they’re moving Jas to a different floor soon. He’ll be here for a few days, but the consensus is that he got super lucky.”

“We all did,” I say.

Not Ray or his guys though.

Now that we know Jasper will recover, some of that anger comes to the surface again. Realization hits me— Bailey .

I hurry back into the room with Blake close behind. “I forgot to tell you.” The words stumble out of my lips faster than my brain can conjure them. “Alex—he said, before he fell—he?—”

“Take a breath, we’re right here,” Blake says. I glance between Blake and Jasper’s unconscious form and blink.

“Bailey’s in London. Or at least, she might be.” All three sets of eyes widen, urging me to go on. “Before Alexander fell, he said some things… about her. We were right, Orlov is involved. They have her, or had her… I don’t know.”

“London?” Leon asks. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.” My head swims trying to think of Alexander’s exact words, but most of it is a blur already. “I wish I could have pushed for more but?—”

“I’ve been thinking about this since you told us he’s dead. His uncle won’t let this go,” Damon cuts in, his voice low. “You realize what killing Alexander means? Ivan Orlov will burn the world to get revenge.”

Blake grabs his hand. “With everything that happened, I hadn’t thought of Ivan.”

“Ivan built his empire,” Leon begins. “Politicians, judges, traffickers across the world. They all answer to him. Alexander was just a small player compared to his uncle.”

My body goes cold as Damon adds, “And now we’ve killed his blood. His heir. On top of everything else.”

“So we go to London,” I say. “Find Bailey before he moves her or worse.”

Leon shakes his head. “We need to be smart about this. Ivan’s reach is global. One wrong move and…”

He doesn’t finish the thought. He doesn’t need to.

“We can figure this out later, okay,” Blake says. She turns to me. “You did amazing, and you’re here, in one piece, and Alexander’s dead.” Her eyes drift to a spot on the wall as she lets her words sink in. I’d almost forgotten what Alexander’s death would mean to Blake. The man who killed her brother. Who kidnapped her. Who ruined her family.

Damon pulls her back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. “That fucker will burn for what he’s done, Angel. And Ivan, we’ll find him too.”

“One monster dead, but so many more still out there.” Her solemn voice hits me deep. We know the truth. We’ll never find them all, never drag every monster from the shadows and into the light. Some creatures just won’t die, no matter how many heads we slice, or how much blood we spill. But I intend to fuck up as many as I can—as we can—starting with Ivan Orlov.

“We will,” I say, already feeling my body buzz at the thought.

Leon meets my gaze, his hazel eyes filled with intensity. “And end them.”

Jasper’s low groan pulls our attention and I rush to his side. His eyes open slowly, those blue irises just as bright as always. “Jas? I’m here, we’re all here.”

“I’ll go tell the nurse,” Blake says.

“Hey, Trouble.” His voice is like sandpaper, but holds the same flirty tone as always, and my chest swells. “What happened?”

My fingers push strands of hair behind his ears, rubbing his forehead gently. The guys lean in, patting his shoulder, saying their own versions of hello. Jasper tries to move but hisses. “Don’t move. You had to have surgery.”

Realization hits and his lips part. “Fuck… I remember. Orlov. The roof.” His eyes meet mine, relief swimming in them. “You’re okay?”

I squeeze his hand. “I’m okay.” He releases a breath, and turns his head toward the guys.

“Ray’s team…” Jasper starts.

“Gone,” Leon says, his voice hollow. “They beat us to the warehouse. It was… wired to blow.”

Jasper closes his eyes, taking it in. “Fuck.”

The nurse comes into the room, cutting off our conversation. She looks between Damon and Leon and swallows hard, taking a moment to compose herself.

I get it, sis. They have that effect.

“I’ll need everyone to clear out for the night. Visiting hours are long over, but we bent the rules until he woke up.” She checks his machines, pressing buttons, and pulling supplies from a drawer.

The guys say their goodbyes, followed by Blake. “We’ll meet you in the lobby,” she whispers to me on her way out the door.

“Do you think I could get a minute alone with him?” I ask the nurse. She darts her gaze between us, her expression softening. “Just one?”

“I’ll go let the doctors know he’s awake.” Her tired face lights up for a moment before she leaves, closing the door behind her.

Jasper tries to shift in the bed but winces again. “Come here,” he says, patting the tiny space beside him. “If we only have a minute, I need to spend it holding you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” But I carefully perch on the edge of his bed anyway, unable to deny him. My heart thunders against my ribs as his hand finds mine.

“You scared the hell out of me tonight,” he says softly. “When I got back to the apartment and you were gone…” His voice cracks. Oh God, I hate that I caused him pain.

“I’m sorry. He threatened to kill you all if I didn’t meet him. I couldn’t—” My words get stuck in my throat as tears spring to my eyes. Just thinking about Alexander hurting him again is too much to bear. I stare down at a loose thread on the blanket. “I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”

“Hey.” He squeezes my hand. “Look at me, Trouble.”

Swiping my hand across my eyes, I meet his gaze. The pain meds have him groggy, his eyes slightly unfocused, but otherwise full of warmth. There’s no anger in them. No plan to scold me for needing control.

“I love you,” he says. “And I’ll always come for you. No matter what.”

Simple and assured. Those three words spill from his lips like they took no thought at all. Like saying them was as natural as breathing.

I hold my breath, waiting for the fear to kick in, but it doesn’t come. There’s no urge to run. No need to fight. I smile, breathe, let his love flow through my veins, strengthening my bones.

“Even when I’m being stubborn and reckless?”

He grins that crooked grin I’ll never get enough of. “Especially then. Your stubbornness is like, thirty percent of why I love you. The other seventy percent is your cooking skills.”

I laugh despite the tears in my eyes. “I’ve never cooked for you, dummy.”

“Oh. Must be the painkillers talking.” His expression grows serious again. “But I meant what I said. I love you, Falin.”

“I love you too,” I whisper, the words feeling so natural on my lips. “So much that it’s kinda scary.”

He tries to pull me down, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him from moving and rest my head against his forehead. “Good thing we’re both pretty brave then.”

I smile against his skin, brushing a soft kiss on his lips. “Good thing.”

* * *

I can’t sleep without Jasper here. Damon and Blake have gone to bed, but I doubt sleep will find them either. We’re all feeling the pain of so much loss. When I close my eyes, I see the bullet striking Jasper, blood soaking through his shirt. Knowing her like I do, Blake must be reliving the explosion that took Ray and his men. She didn’t witness it happen, thank God, but I’m sure seeing the building overtaken by flames was horror enough.

Throwing on a sweatshirt to combat the chill in the air, I head to the kitchen. A cup of tea would be a good idea, if we have some. None of us have been great with keeping up on grocery shopping.

I hear clicking from the kitchen… Leon. He could use some tea too. Carrying both mugs, I find him at his desk, the blue glow of his screens casting shadows across his face. His shoulders touch his ears as he types, and he doesn’t acknowledge my presence.

“You okay?” I ask, setting the mug of chamomile beside him.

He pauses, but his fingers stay on the keyboard. “Fine. Working on finding the London connections.”

“Fine.” Yeah, okay.

He’s nowhere near fine, but I pretend to buy it. “So London? Kind of hard to believe?”

“Not really.” His jaw clenches and eyes stay fixed on the screen.

Hint taken.

I shuffle my feet on the hardwood floor. “I’ll quit bothering you. Hope you get some sleep tonight.”

As I turn to leave his hand catches my wrist. “Sorry, I’m just…” He sighs and drags his palm down his face. “This is just a shock, is all. Everything…”

I know exactly what he means, no explanation needed. “We’ll find her,” I say softly.

His expression doesn’t change from its blank mask of exhaustion, but his hands tremble slightly as he reaches for the tea. “Thank you for this.”

Before I can respond, he turns back to his screen, effectively ending the conversation.

As I head to bed, I glance back toward his open door and see him pull something from his desk drawer. A piece of paper, or maybe a photo. He stares at it for a long moment before quickly stuffing it away.

Back in my room with my tea, I close the door. We each need space to deal with our demons tonight. Whatever Leon’s fighting, I hope he finds some peace.