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CHAPTER THIRTY

FALIN

Days have gone by and Jasper’s still not himself. I’m angry at him, of course. But my anger pales in comparison to the anger and self loathing he carries. That night was… intense. I never wanted to actually make him hurt, but when he begged for it, something broke loose inside me. My soft side hid in a dark corner of my mind and I let my animal instincts take over. It was freeing to turn off my thoughts and surrender to raw impulse. Weirdly, I think it brought us closer together too.

Jasper’s asleep on his side, the tension in his jaw now gone. He’s hugging my pillow to his chest, tangled up in the blanket. I slid out of bed a few minutes ago, unable to sleep for the third night in a row. Ever since we found Bailey on that drive, I can’t get my birth parents out of my head. Knowing we’re a step closer to finding her gives me some hope after years of dead ends. They’ve always been just out of reach.

The closest I got was the summer I turned eighteen. I remember feeling extra frustrated at my father for some reason that escapes me now, so I decided to break into his office at the station. Getting in turned out to be way easier than I expected. Just took some flirty lies to the cop on duty and I was inside. The problem came when I couldn’t get into his filing cabinet. That thing had this heavy duty lock. I tried to pick it with a paperclip but got interrupted when the pervy cop came in to “check on me.” That ended in the most unenthusiastic blowjob of my life.

I went home and watched everything I could find about lock picking. Practiced on a bunch of locks I found at thrift shops in town, everything ranging from doorknobs to bike locks. When I finally felt like I gained some skill, I figured out that cop’s schedule and went back on his night shift, pretending like I was there to see him.

Another blowjob later, and I was in. I scanned file after file, all past cases of particular interest to my dad. I didn’t have much time until my friend would be back from checking the front. Something in my gut made me stop when my fingers touched a file without a label. It was the only unmarked one. I grabbed it and stuffed it in my backpack, getting out of there before he could try asking me on a real date.

Back in my bedroom, I opened the file with trembling hands, telling myself it’s probably nothing.

I was wrong.

It was everything he had from that night. Everything he had on me.

How they responded to an anonymous tip.

How it was a run-down trailer, isolated in the middle of nowhere.

How needles littered the floor, mixed in with garbage and filth.

How I was there in the center of it all. Five years old. Filthy and starving. Drawing with a broken crayon on the back of an envelope. Completely alone.

There was a note. Please save her. She’s all I have.

No signature. No identification for me. The trailer belonged to some worthless parasite who rented to addicts and criminals for cash. From what the file held, my birth parents may as well have been ghosts.

I always knew my dad had connections with the town politicians, but I never realized the judge expedited my adoption papers. New documents were filed, and my previous life vanished. I became Falin Sinclair. Deputy’s daughter. When he got promoted to sheriff a few years later, shortly after my mom died, there was no discussing my past. There were barely any discussions at all. The home grew cold. He turned to whiskey. And I got lost in lines of code, teaching myself to crack passwords like I’d learned to pick locks.

Since then, I’ve never fucked around with drugs. Knowing addiction is in my blood makes me terrified to turn out the way my birth parents did. I feel for Jasper, and I know how strong the pull to use is. I’ll do everything I can to help him.

He rolls onto his back, murmuring in his sleep. He’s so damn cute like this, I’m tempted to crawl back beside him. Too bad I can’t turn off my brain. When I open a new tab, the bright screen must wake him.

“What time is it?” His voice is thick from sleep.

“Around three,” I say with a sigh. When did it get that late? Last I looked, it was midnight.

“Damn. No sleep again?” He rubs his eyes and sits up. “Do you need anything?”

“No, but you’re sweet to ask.”

He nods, fixing my pillow. “What are you doing?”

Do I tell him I’m obsessively going over my DNA result websites and handmade possible family trees? Or that I’m messaging a random woman in Virginia who shares three percent DNA with me?

“Just stuff, nothing important.” I shut my laptop and climb into bed beside him. My wild thoughts settle into a cohesive one—how good it feels to be up against Jasper’s warm body. He settles his palm on my low back and I snuggle in, resting my head below his chin.

“Were you looking for them?” His fingertips trace circles over my shirt. “Your birth parents?”

I tip my head to look into his eyes. “How’d you know?”

“Easy enough to peek at the web browser when you’re not paying attention.” He kisses my surprised scowl. “Any luck?”

“No, but new people join those ancestry sites everyday.” I’m suddenly too exhausted to keep my eyes open. “I’ll find them. I’ll find Bailey too.”

“I know you will.” From the certainty in his voice, I know he means it.

I’m not sure what pulls my mind back there. It could be all these thoughts of my parents making me feel vulnerable. Maybe it’s the way he holds me, or the softness of his words, but the question escapes before I can stop it, the words muffled against his neck. “On Blake’s birthday, why didn’t you want me?”

His hands find my burning cheeks, tilting my face until our eyes meet. “Is that what you think? That I didn’t want you?”

Moisture wells in my eyes. Hell, I hate this. I try to pull back, to bury my face again, but he holds me steady. “We were having fun and then you just left and… I don’t know, I figured you just forgot.”

“Sweetheart, I didn’t leave. I wanted you, so fucking badly.” His eyes search mine, his tongue darting across his lower lip. “I was scared. I’m still scared. You told me I was good that night. That you’ve been hurt so much and fuck, I didn’t want to be another one to hurt you.”

“I did?” I don’t remember any of that. Oh, God. Mortification burns its way down my skin.

He nods. “I figured you hated me after I ruined your night and I’ll admit, I tried to stay away. But I wanted you too badly. The way I want you is selfish and if this ends with me sleeping alone with nothing but the smell of you in my bed, I may never recover, but I’m willing to put it all out there for a chance to be with you.”

I don’t know what to say. His words shatter every wrong assumption I’ve held since I met him. How he feels, what he wants… I want it all too. Desperately.

“I want that. Every bit of it. Sleepless nights like these where we talk and laugh until dawn peeks through the windows. I want to feel your heart beating against mine. To breathe you in and hold you there until I’m drowning. If it’s selfish to want that, then fine. I want to be selfish with you.”

For someone who fills door frames and makes furniture look like dollhouse pieces, when he claims my lips, he’s devastatingly gentle. Savoring me, brushing his lips against mine so softly that I forget how to breathe.

Our clothes come off and bodies intertwine, hands fisting hair, lips dragging along skin. Slow but just as desperate as every other time we’ve fucked. He moves between my legs, spreading me wide, and licking my clit until I come with his name on my lips. He climbs up my body, sucking my tongue into his mouth so I can taste myself on him.

“Baby, I’m done holding back.” He lines his cock up with my entrance, his eyes burning into mine. “You won’t ever doubt how much I want you.”

He thrusts into me, stretching me so good. I cry out, moaning his name. I clutch his back, holding him inside me as deep as he can go.

“You and me.” He pulls out and pumps back in. “No more fighting this.”

“Yes, oh God, yes,” I whimper into his neck.

“Every fucking day.” Our lips meet and I swallow his words, holding them inside like sustenance. “You’re mine. My woman.”

Tears spring in my eyes as another orgasm builds inside me. I whisper against his lips. Everything he wants to hear and more. “Yes, fuck, Jasper.”

He fucks me faster, the sound of skin on skin drowns out my thoughts. I’m so close, I arch into him, chasing my release. Grinding my clit against his pelvis.

“These lips are mine.” He claims my mouth as I tremble beneath him, my muscles tightening around his cock. “This pussy is mine.”

“Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

His answering growl in my ear is enough to send me over the edge, my moans muffled into his neck.

“Goddamn, baby, you’re so fucking good,” he manages to groan as he stills, almost collapsing on top of me as he comes. I love how he fills me. How his twitching cock, buried deep, paints my insides. Claiming me as his.

I’ve never been everything to someone. I’ve barely been a thought in their mind. Everyone leaves, especially the people who were supposed to love me most. I’ve spent my whole life learning to be okay with that, but maybe with him, I don’t have to be.

We hold each other until our breathing syncs. As I drift off, images of what we could be play through my mind like a movie and for the first time, it doesn’t scare me.

For the first time, I’m not alone.

* * *

“I think we all deserve a break,” I say as the five of us sit around the living area in pajamas, drinking coffee. “We’re in New York City for fuck’s sake, and we haven’t left the house in days.”

Leon barely looks up from his laptop as he mutters, “What do you have in mind?”

“I thought the whole point was laying low?” Damon adds. “You and Blake were all over the news, all over socials. We fucked over Fairfax, we burned Orlov’s place to the ground. Don’t you think going out for brunch and a movie is a little too risky?”

Blake snuggles against him, her wide eyes meeting mine. “He’s probably right.” She groans. “As much as it kills me to admit that.”

“Hey,” Damon says, tilting her face so she’s looking up at him. “Don’t make me fuck that smart mouth.”

“Umm, excuse me! Best friend sitting right here. Not that I don’t love a good mouth fucking,” Jasper chokes on a sip of coffee, “but I don’t need that visual at 10 AM.”

“Holy fuck, I was not expecting that,” Jasper manages as he wipes drips of coffee from his mouth.

“So… I’ve noticed the two of you have been practically inseparable lately,” Blake says with a knowing smirk. “Are you guys finally going to admit you’re together?”

All eyes drift in my direction and I feel my face flush. Jasper brings his palm to my thigh, squeezing with gentle possessiveness. I can’t hide my grin. “You could say that.”

“I fucking knew it,” Damon says. “Pay up, Lee.”

“Bloody hell, not another couple,” he grumbles, but there’s no hiding the smile that tugs at his lips. “At least now you can move your junk into Falin’s room and I can finally get that king bed.”

“I’m happy for you.” Blake grins, warming my chest from the inside. “And I knew I heard something the other night.”

“What can I say?” Jasper waggles his brows. “Some of us are just naturally gifted in the penis department. Can’t help but keep her up all night… and all morning… and afternoon.”

“You’re insufferable,” I say, shaking my head.

“I second that,” Leon says.

“Third,” Damon says, laughing under his breath.

“You know what I’m packing,” Jasper boasts. “I’m allowed to be insufferable.”

“For fuck’s sake,” I groan, dropping my head into my hands.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Jasper says with a smirk, “They’re just jealous they don’t get to experience my magnificence. That ship has sailed.”

“And on that note,” Leon stands, “I’m going to go bleach my brain.”

“If we can’t do brunch,” I say. “Can we at least have some fun today? It’ll be good for us to take a break.”

Me most of all. Between searching for Bailey during the day, and my parents at night, among other… activities, I’m drained, mentally and physically.

“You’re right,” Blake says. “A break is much-needed. We’re all exhausted.”

“She’s been running herself ragged,” Jasper adds, his hand moving to massage the back of my neck. The playfulness from moments ago has faded from his voice. “I guess I can blame myself for some of that.”

“Let’s get drunk and play games,” I say. “Just for today. Tomorrow we can go back to business as usual.”

Jasper slings his arm over my shoulder. “I’m in.”

Blake laughs. “Me too.”

“This is peer pressure,” Damon groans. “But fine, as long as we get some good booze. None of that cheap ass vodka.”

“Done,” I say. “Leon? You in?”

He rubs his eyes, shutting his laptop screen. “I do need a break from staring at this thing. When you say games, what do you have in mind?”

“I have an idea,” Jasper says, his eyes twinkling.

I know I’ll either regret bringing up a game day, or end up learning things about these people that’ll haunt me forever. Knowing Jasper, probably both.