Page 34 of Broken Ties

I can't stop myself from obsessively watching her. I don't know whether it's just the fact she's my Bond or the undeniable fact that she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on, but I can’t stop my gaze from finding its way back to her at every chance. There isn’t a single second I’m with her that she isn’t occupying all of my thoughts, that I’m not watching and assessing all her expressions.

It would be impossible for me to walk from the dorms to the cafeteria without realizing the mood she was in—fuck, I wouldn’t make it out of the first building—but I guess she really doesn’t give a fuck about me. She keeps telling me that, her words like barbs digging in under my skin, and I should really just accept it. Being a Bond is proving to be a miserable experience, because no sooner have I thought the words than my entire being rejects them. There is no me without her, no matter how much she hates me.

My Bond checks her phone as she turns away from me, a scowl tugging at her brow for a moment before she swallows roughly and shoves it back in her pocket. She glances around at the rest of the students, but there’s nothing but somber silence around us. None of Bray's closest friends or family are here, or anyone close to the rest of the missing Gifted, and a lot of the students from the notoriously overprotective Top Tier families are out as well, so there’s nothing new here to give her a clue to what’s going on, only the absence of things.

"Something happened? I just thought you hated being around me, but now it's pretty clear that it's not just you," she finally says, her voice strangely hesitant.

It tugs at my chest in a way it absolutely shouldn’t, not when I've just been losing my shit over how obvious her distaste for me really is, but like the infatuated idiot Bond I am, I answer her without snapping or playing any of the stupid mind games we keep getting pulled into.

"You know that some of the Bonds and Bonded are going missing now, right? Well, three more were taken last night. A fourth person was found dead."

She waits until we're both seated at our usual table before she speaks again. “Did you know the person who died?"

There’s no way I can eat now, not with the careful tone she’s using that, if I didn’t know better, I’d call gentle. What I wouldn’t do to have her using that voice with me all the damn time. I rub a hand over my face as I let out a sigh, defeated by this entire mess we’re stuck in. I can only talk about Bray if I distance myself from him and his death, otherwise I’ll scream or cry or puke right here in the middle of the cafeteria in front of hundreds of other students, and wouldn’t that be a fucking nightmare.

"He was on the football team with me. He was one of the seniors, but he had taken me under his wing because he wasShifter too and he knew how hard it is to control the change in such a violent game."

She looks physically ill.

Swallowing once, then again before her voice comes out as a croak, "I'm sorry. I know what it feels like to lose someone like that, I'm really sorry."

It only takes me a second to remember she lost her parents young, even younger than I had been when I lost my dad. Finally finding a way to connect with my Bond was never supposed to look like this. Grief wars with fear across her face, and I hate that she's feeling that way, I hate that I know exactly how heavy that burden is.

Shaking my head as if there’s any chance I can clear my thoughts, it’s that devastating experience we both share that has me opening up a little. “Brayden was a good kid; he didn't deserve it. It's pretty obvious that he was killed because he was trying to stop them from taking the others. The Resistance aren't after Shifters. One of his Bonded was taken, and I'd like to get her back. I know he's dead and it doesn't really matter to him anymore, but for his memory, I'd like to get her back."

I can't look at the fine tremble in her fingers without doing something stupid, so I force my gaze back to the plate in front of me and dig in. After a moment of silence, my Bond does the same until we’re eating together peacefully for the first time since she was dragged back here. I wouldn’t call it a pleasant experience, but a tiny, treacherous part of my heart hopes it’s a good sign.

Then Sage appears out of nowhere to sit beside my Bond and ruinseverything.

"You heard about Brayden, then?" she murmurs to Oli, and my Bond nods back.

She waits until she swallows before murmuring back, “Is Riley okay? I know he lives over in the boys’ dorms."

Sage grimaces and it digs under my skin. "He is living at Giovanna's house at the moment. He has been for months."

Like hell am I going to sit here and listen to the two of them trash Bond Groups, happy as can be while I’m sitting here in misery. "They're Bonded, he's supposed to want to live with her."

I regret my words instantly when Sage flinches. I know better than to say that sort of thing to her; Riley is an absolute asshole for what he’s doing to her, but once again, I’ve let my own bullshit hurt someone around me who doesn't deserve it.

Before I have the chance to apologize, my Bond turns on me, her eyes narrowed dangerously as her voice practically trembles with rage. "Do you have to be such an insensitive dick about it? It's not like she was saying she was pissed off about it."

Jesus, maybe I’m turning into Nox because finally digging under her skin for once feels too good and I smirk back at her, egging her on. "Oh, so you're a bleeding heart about your girlfriend but don't give a shit about your Bonds? Maybe Nox is right and you really are a lesbian. That would explain a lot."

She shuts me down instantly, her face wiping clear of all emotions as she bumps Sage’s shoulder with her own and smiles kindly at her. "I'm glad he's safe and I'm sorry you guys are still… struggling."

Sage smiles back with a shrug, pointedly not looking at me. "It is what it is. I'm glad he's safe too. As long as he's alive, I guess there's a chance we can work things out."

Fuck, I’m an asshole, and she doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my anger and frustrations over my Bond. "Sorry, Sage. I didn't mean to be a dick about it. I'm just… fucked up over Brayden and my own mess of a Bond."

Nothing.

My Bond has no reaction to my words at all except to smile sweetly at Sage and speak to her as if I’m not even here. "Do you want to hit up the library this afternoon? I'd love some help withthe Econ assignment we both have. You're like a freaking genius with that stuff."

Sage tries to smooth things over, ever the peacemaker I’ve known since we were both in diapers. "I'm really not. Plus, you're doing so great catching up. There's no way I would be where you are if I'd dropped out freshman year of high school. You're amazing."

My eyes snap to my Bond’s. "You dropped out of high school?"

She squirms in her seat, looking embarrassed as she shoots Sage another look, but it only pisses me off more. "I was on the move too much to still attend. I spent a lot of time in libraries though."