Page 23

King

Jesus Christ.

I knew Gabby was hurting, but I didn’t quite fathom the depths of it.

This entire thing is my fault. I pushed her too fast, too soon.

Fucking hell, I’m not sure what to do. The only thing I know for sure is Gabby is slowly going down.

On the surface, it appears she’s got things all planned out.

She’s sold that lie to herself so well that I even bought it.

But that’s the thing. It’s all a lie.

She doesn’t want to move to Denver. She wants to run away.

I can’t say as I blame her. I’ve been doing the same thing.

That’s why I’m not in Virginia. So, I definitely see the appeal.

What Gabby can’t see that I can, however, is that she’s found a home here.

She’s just too lost to accept it’s real.

I don’t know how to help. I’ll have to wing it.

The only thing I know for certain is that I’m not leaving her alone.

I’m not backing away. Gabby needs me and I am going to be here for her.

I’m not trying to play the hero for her.

It is so far from that it wasn’t funny. I’m with her because she means something to me.

I have a feeling she could eventually mean everything .

I hold her close, letting her have her space.

Eventually, I know it’s time to pull her away from the pigswill she’s swimming in.

I hold her neck and apply gentle pressure, forcing her to look at me.

“How you doing, Sunshine?”

“I don’t …” She stops, her eyes darting down at first, before she forces her gaze back on me. “I don’t know.”

“You didn’t eat anything at the cookout. Are you hungry?”

“How do you know I didn’t eat?”

“I watched. Why don’t we go to the kitchen? I’ll find something to help you give jellybean some sustenance.”

Gabby stretches her lips out in what I figure is supposed to be a smile, but the ends don’t tip up, so she doesn’t quite pull it off. “I could try to eat,” she murmurs.

“Good. First, go to the bathroom and put on your pajamas. We’re going to snack. We’ll hook up the television and find a movie and breathe.”

“Hook up the television?”

“The place has internet. It’s included in your rent.”

“It is?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. Your rent agreement was on the table last night. Your garbage, water, and internet bill are covered. You pay for your electricity and the rent.”

“Oh. I kind of knew that, but I guess I didn’t pay attention to the internet. It wasn’t high on my needs list. Um …”

“Yeah?”

“You read my rental contract?”

“Yeah, I checked it all out before I went shopping. If you didn’t have internet, I was going to have to find one of those DVD players until I could talk you into letting me pay that bill,” I tell her.

It’s not the complete truth. The club had a copy of her rental agreement and that included the things we were paying and what she was paying.

I looked it over and then paid it up for three months.

I was hoping by that time Gabby and I would be working together in a way that we both liked and further decisions could be made.

After tonight’s meltdown, I’m starting to think I was a little too optimistic.

“Oh.”

“Go get comfortable, Sunshine. I’ll see if I can find you something to eat.”

“King, you don’t have to. You can go. I’m okay, honest.”

“I’m not leaving, Gabby.”

“King. I know I was a mess earlier, but my reasons you need to run are more than valid.”

“Gabby?”

“Yeah?”

“This is how I know you’ve never been with a man before.”

“I believe you know how wrong that statement is.”

“No, you were playing with boys and a monster who left you scarred. Though it’s debatable if Dom trading your innocence for easy pussy didn’t leave bigger ones.”

“King …”

“And, baby, just saying your dad did you no favors in preparing you to deal with assholes.”

“I was a spoiled brat who made decisions on my own, King. Wretched, twisted decisions. No one is to blame for those but me—not my father, not Dom, and especially not T.”

“You did. You made truly fucked up choices that created epic shit storms.”

I see her blanch at my words, but now is not the time to go easy, however.

I need her to know I understand how badly she’s fucked up her life and tried to mess with others.

I can’t hide that from her, and I don’t want to.

At the same time, I need to somehow make her see she’s not the same person, and the people she hurt played their part in all of it.

Plus, they’re happy, living a good life. Gabby deserves the same.

And fuck if I don’t want to be the man that gets the shot at being the man that does it.

“Then you shouldn’t be thinking of staying the night. You should be going back to the club. Actually, you should be running to get away from me. Not purchasing televisions to leave here for when you visit,” she answers, pushing through the pain I know my words wrought.

“Sweetheart, you need to get this. Nothing you’ve said fazes me, other than you still thinking I give a fuck what anyone thinks of my choices and who I let into my life.”

“You say that now, but what if?—”

“Stop doubting me, Gabby. I’m here in front of you, telling you how I feel.

After Pez and I did my shopping, I swung by the club and picked up my stuff.

It’s in your living room. I didn’t bring a lot with me here, but we’re not that far away from Cherokee.

I’ll be getting the rest of my shit and when I do, I’m bringing it here, too. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She bites her lip, but nods yes as an answer.

“Now, I want you to go get into your pajamas. We’re going to relax the rest of the night. You’ve had an emotional day and a big part of that is my fault for pushing you into something you weren’t ready for.”

“King—”

“No, Gabby. I need you to hear me and not your doubts. I know I said I’d pull back, but I don’t think that’s what you truly want, baby.

I know it’s not what I want. So, here’s what we’re going to do.

We’re going to go through this together, minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day.

We’re going to see where the ride takes us and we’re going to leave the past in the past.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“No, it’s not. We just do it. It pops up, we talk it out, and we push it behind us again.

Other people want to bring it up, then I’ll lock them down.

I’m not fucking around here. I think you get this, but I’ll say it again.

You are important to me. You mean something to me and by extension, little jellybean means something to me.

I want you both in my life. I don’t have the power to see what the future holds, but I will share with you I feel settled in a way I never have before, so I’m thinking good things. ”

“Can I share that I’m still feeling freaked?” she asks.

“You can, but you do it while promising that when you get too freaked you come to me, call me, hold on to me, whatever you can do at that point, and let me talk you off the ledge. Can you do that for me?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Good. Now, go get comfortable and meet me in the kitchen. If you freak out again while you’re in there, call out and I’ll come pull you out of your head. Deal?”

“You’re a remarkable man, King.”

“I happen to think you’re the remarkable one, Gabby. You can’t see it, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a stronger person than you’ve been forced to be. And woman, I know you don’t like it, but you’re shining brighter than the sun as you do it, so I’m always going to call you Sunshine.”

“You used to call me Wildcat. When did it change to Sunshine?”

That question has two reasons, but I can’t share with her that I didn’t want to call her wildcat, because it seemed too brass after her rape.

It bothered me a lot after I thought about everything she went through.

I don’t even want to attempt to bring her attack up.

Gabby doesn’t need more reasons to disappear on me.

So, instead, I give her the second reason I’ve changed her nickname.

“When my heart became involved, baby. When my heart became involved.”

I lean down and kiss her forehead and then walk into the kitchen, leaving her with more to think about and praying she takes what I’ve said in and understands just how deep I’m in this with her.