Page 28 of Breaking the Pucking Rules (LA Vipers #1)

KODIE

I hated myself the second those words fell from my lips.

But what else could I do?

We both knew what that was.

Closure.

Getting it out of our system.

And the easiest and best way for her to know it can’t happen again was to end it firmly.

Even if I hate myself for doing it.

I couldn’t go out there, clean her up, and then embark on round two.

It would have only made both of us want more.

Linc could have come back at any moment.

And then what would have happened?

Would he have told Coach, or would he have kept our dirty little secret?

I refuse to drag anyone else into my mess.

It’s already bad enough that we’ve both found ourselves entwined in this.

It’s her fault. She did this , a little voice pipes up.

If she hadn’t tricked me, seduced me that night, I wouldn’t be here right now with guilt eating me from the inside out.

The worst of it is, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to leave it where we did last night.

Everything feels wrong.

I lied to her.

I lied to her and made her feel like what we had was nothing more than a quick fuck.

I treated her like the bunnies of my past. But that’s not who she is or what she deserves.

The guys chat happily around me about their plans for the afternoon and evening once we land back in LA, but despite having a date with Sutton when I get home, all I can think about is the woman sitting across the restaurant.

She looks utterly defeated, and it’s my fault.

Everything inside me screams to go over and talk to her, to apologize.

But I can’t.

She’s sitting with Coach.

Even if she wasn’t, I couldn’t go over. Not with all the guys watching.

Linc could do it and no one would question him.

But me?

Not a chance.

So instead, I drag my eyes away and stare at the menu as if it’s the most interesting thing I’ve ever read.

Eventually, both Casey and Parker push their chairs back to leave.

We might be on the other side of the restaurant, but I can see from here that Casey has barely eaten anything.

Another thing to add to my guilt levels.

Without looking in our direction, she says goodbye to her dad and then she and Parker head for the exit.

My heart is in my throat as I wait to see if she’s going to look back.

She shouldn’t. I don’t deserve even a second of her attention. But I still want it.

I want her to look into my eyes and see how much I regret how things ended last night.

I thought I was doing the right thing.

Being with her last night terrified me.

It was so much more than our first time.

Knowing who she was and how many rules we were breaking became too much.

The guilt. The desire. The connection…

Add those to the beer, the high of the win and the exhaustion, and I was fucked.

Royally fucking fucked.

By the time they get to the exit, I’m attempting to come to terms with the fact she’s not going to look back at me. Maybe I’m not the reason she looks exhausted and didn’t eat any of her breakfast. Maybe she met back up with Parker in the bar and…

My body tenses at the thought of her having a second round with someone else.

She had every right to. Especially after the way I treated her.

What if she found another member of the team to cheer her up?

What if it was Linc?

He didn’t appear for a few more hours, and when he did, he stumbled into the room, crashing around and cursing in his awful attempt not to wake me up.He was about as quiet as a fucking hippo on ice skates.

Luckily, I’d been lying there awake, questioning my life choices.

It couldn’t have been Linc. He might be a flirt, but he’s not stupid.

Not like me, apparently.

I’m fucked.

Just when I think they’re both going to disappear around the corner as if we’re not sitting here, Parker looks back.

But she isn’t looking at just anyone. Her eyes immediately find mine and then narrow in warning.

I sit back as if she physically struck me, my heart slamming against my ribs.

She knows.

Not only that; she wants to hurt me for what I’ve done.

“Fuck,” I whisper-hiss the second they’re out of sight.

“You okay, man?” Handsy asks, and when I glance over, he’s studying me closely.

“Y-Yeah, of course. Just looking forward to getting back to my girl.” It’s not a lie. I’m desperate to see Sutton. I just wish she was my only focus.

“I don’t know how you do it,” he says, clearly happy with my excuse. “Dealing with bunnies is hard enough, but a kid? Fuck, bro.”

“It’s just life,” I say with a shrug.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m not ready for that shit yet, though.”

“You say that like I was,” I mutter.

He rubs the back of his neck in thought. “No, I guess you weren’t.”

“Best thing that ever happened to me, though. My girl’s?—”

“She’s fucking awesome,” he says with a smile.

I love how much my teammates care for my daughter. They haven’t spent all that much time with her, but it doesn’t matter. She’s just as much a part of the Vipers family as I am.

“Yeah,” I say with a laugh. “She really is.”

“You’ve done a solid job,” he states.

“Doing my best, man.”

I am. I’m trying really fucking hard to give Sutton the best start in life. It’s not easy when I’m away for half of the year, but…I’m doing my best.

“ W hat’s that?” Linc says as he walks into our hotel room ahead of me just over thirty minutes later.

He bends down and swipes something from the floor beneath my bed.

Panic shoots through my veins.

Casey’s panties.

I stuffed them under the mattress for later…

If he’s found them?—

“A...keycard?” I don’t mean for it to come out as a question, and he frowns in response.

“No, it’s a fucking chicken. What does it look like?” He rolls his eyes, looking at me like I’m an idiot.

“Alright,” I mutter, moving closer to my bed when he backs toward his.

“Is it yours?” he inquires.

“Uh…n-no, I don’t think so.”

“Well, is yours in your pocket?”

I pat my slacks. The temptation to lie is strong.

“Yeah, mine is here,” I say, pulling it free and holding it up.

“Huh. Weird.”

My heart is like a runaway train in my chest.

He doesn’t know.

How could he?

My fingers twitch with the need to pull that pair of panties from the bed.

It would be wrong to stuff them into my suitcase and take them home.

Nothing will stop me from doing exactly that, though.

I might have fucked everything up last night, but I’m not leaving those behind.

“Maybe the cleaners dropped it or something,” I reason, needing to get out of this fucking conversation.

“Yeah,” he says, tapping the card to his chin as he thinks. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

He places it on the desk.

My heart lurches as he studies me.

His lips part, and I swear an accusation is about to fall from them.

Thankfully, I’m wrong.

Although, I barely relax when he does speak.

“Guess we’d better get packed. Wouldn’t want to be on Coach’s naughty list.”

“No,” I muse. That is definitely not a place I want to be. But I fear that I’m far beyond the naughty list at this point. I’ve got a one-way ticket to hell for what I’ve done.

The moment Linc disappears into the bathroom to gather his shit, I flip the sheet back.

“Oh fuck,” I whisper when I find her Vipers-green G-string poking out.

I have it balled in my hand in a heartbeat.

“What was that?” Linc calls.

“Nothing.”

Unable to stop myself, I lift her panties to my nose and inhale for three blissful seconds.

Memories from our time together slam into me, making my temperature spike and my dick stir to life.

Not allowing myself to indulge, I shove the panties deep into my small suitcase.

I’ll have to find a special place to hide those.

In only a few minutes, we’re both ready to head back to LA for a few hours of rest before our home game against Seattle tomorrow.

“What time is Rett getting in?” I ask as we make our way down to reception so we can get the team bus to the airport.

“About four, I think.”

“Any plans?”

He glances over at me, probably wondering why I’m so interested in his plans with his childhood best friend, but I figure it’s better to keep him talking so he doesn’t go back to the mystery keycard.

The second he held it up, I knew who it belonged to.

And it leaves me with the question…what did she do when she left me?

She couldn’t get into her room, and she wasn’t wearing any panties.

None of the ideas that pop into my head are good ones.

Not long after we join the guys, we’re hustled onto the bus, and then before I know it, we’re on the plane heading for home.

“ D addy,” Sutton squeals, her little feet pounding against the tiles that cover our ground floor.

No sooner have I bent down to greet her, she launches herself at me, her small arms around my neck, and squeezes me as tightly as she can.

“I missed you so much,” she whispers, her voice cracked with emotion.

My chest constricts. I’m the one who’s caused her anguish by being away.

The beginning of the season is always the hardest.

In only a few weeks, it’ll feel normal again. But after having the summer together, being apart hurts.

“I missed you too, Peanut. Have you had fun with Gran?”

“Yes. We made cookies,” she says excitedly. “Do you want one? You should have one,” she says before I have a chance to respond. “You deserve it. Your goal last night was insane. I was on my feet shouting and screaming.”

I chuckle as I let her take my hand and drag me to the kitchen.

“Oh wow, look at these,” I say, taking in the tray of green and white iced cookies.

“They’re Viper cookies. I was going to talk to Coach about getting them made. Fans at the game would love them.”

“I’m sure they would. Is this one mine?” I ask, pointing at one with the number fifty-five on it.

“Yep, that’s all yours. There’s a container over there with one for everyone. Will you take them tomorrow?”

Walking over, I study the container she pointed at, and just like she said, there is a numbered cookie for every member of the team.

“Of course I will. The guys will love them. Good luck cookies. You think we need extra luck tomorrow?” I ask.

She thinks for a moment. “Seattle has been killing it with their exhibition games. Rett has been on fire. I think it’s going to be a tight game.”

I smile at her, appreciating her honesty, but mostly astounded by her.

I always thought I knew my shit as a kid, but I had nothing on this girl.

I’m so fucking proud of her.

“I just need to grab a drink and something to eat and then we can head out. ”

“Gran said we couldn’t go skating and that I had to choose something better.”

“Okay, so what did you decide on?”

“The zoo,” she says with a wide smile.

“You got it, Peanut. Get ready to go and we’ll leave in thirty.”

“Okay, Daddy. I’m so glad you’re back, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I call after her just as Mom rounds the corner.

“Hey, sweetie. Welcome home.” She smiles at me, but she looks a little concerned.

“Hey. These are incredible,” I say, pointing at the cookies, hoping it’ll be enough to distract her from the questions in her eyes.

“Yeah, she did a great job. You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping. Is everything okay?”

I love my mother dearly. There is no way I could do what I do without her. But sometimes, I wish she wasn’t so entwined in my life.

“Yeah, everything’s great. Sutton and I are going to the zoo. Are you com?—”

“Nope. You two enjoy the time together. I’ll be here when you get back…in case you want to talk about anything.”

Inhaling deeply, I release it through my nose as I silently tell her to quit it.

But all she does is smile back at me with nothing but love and support in her eyes.

It might ease some of my anxiety, but nothing will ever squash the guilt.