Page 99 of Breaking the Ice

He was almost hoping Jon wouldn’t email him back right away—he didn’t, actually. But ten minutes after he’d sent his SOS email, his phone rang.

“Everything okay?” Jon asked as soon as Gavin picked up.

Gavin made a face, which he could do because they weren’t on the video chat. “No,” he said.

“You want to tell me what happened?”

Gavin hesitated, and that was all the opportunity Jon needed to pounce. “You should get on a video session first.”

“So you can hold my lack of poker face against me?” Gavin asked petulantly.

“You caught me.”

Gavin tried not to sulk as he dragged out his laptop. A minute later they were set up on a call, Jon leaning back in his desk chair, concern creasing his face.

“Okay, now, tell me what happened,” he said.

There was no way around it. Onlythroughit. Gavin told himself to stick to the most straightforward recitation of events, nothing dramatic. Nothing about how good the kiss had been. How terrible the aftermath had felt. How he’d wanted to reach through the phone and strangle Sidney with one of his dumb ties this morning.

“Last night, we were at a team party, for New Years, and Zach kissed me and I kissed him back. I told him after it was a mistake and we couldn’t do this.” Gavin took a deep breath. “And now he’s resigning.”

Jon’s eyebrows inched upward. “You turned him downafteryou kissed him?”

Why was Gavin not surprised Jon was stuck on that part?

“Of course,” Gavin said impatiently. “YouknowI can’t date. I told him that too. Before.”

“I do remember that.” Jon’s voice was still very even. Super calm.

Gavindidn’t feel calm. He was freaking out, suddenly not sure his skin could contain everything he was feeling. Zach wasquitting.

On the team. Onhim.

“I know I’ve probably given him a few mixed messages,” Gavin allowed. More than a few. Even though he’d tried so fucking hard to keep his attraction under wraps.

“Possibly,”Jon said.

“I just . . .” Gavin floundered,knewhe was floundering, but he didn’t know how to stop. “I should try to stop him, and I don’t know how. What could I possibly say to make him stay?” He didn’t say it but he was thinking it.How can I ask him to stay when I don’t deserve it?

“Well, I imagine there’s one thing,” Jon said dryly.

“Not that. Obviously.”

Jon sighed. “Listen, the only thing that’s obvious is that he likes you, romantically, and you like him, romantically. Why shouldn’t you explore that? I’d assume he’s not asking for a lifelong commitment.”

“I don’t know what he wants.”

“Because you’ve never let it get far enough to actually discuss it,” Jon said bluntly. Gavin was reminded of why he kind of hated him sometimes.

So he changed the subject.

“Sidney was telling me how hard he fought for me, to even get the opportunity to come out to speak to me, even though Sidney didn’t think I’d take the job.” Gavin took a deep breath. “Even though he didn’t think I’d agree, he still made the effort. I . . .I don’t want to pay him back by doing nothing to stop this. He was right about the job. About me taking it.”

“And now you wonder if he’s right about the dating, too,” Jon said shrewdly, going there, even though Gavin hadn’t.

“Well . . .yes.” It wasn’t easy to admit he might’ve been wrong.

“What if he is?”