Page 46 of Breaking the Ice

“This is good,” Gavin told himself out loud, feeling undeniably pathetic. “This is better than good. You’re gonna get used to this new reality.”

But the new reality hadZachin it. Zach in his ear. Zach laughing under his breath as he teased Gavin. Zach being his friend. Zach being his favorite person.

Gavin squeezed his eyes shut.

He could fall asleep without that. Hecould. There weren’t any options. He just had to do it.

But just when he was getting to the point where he wasn’t actually sure he could, his phone vibrated with a text.

He snatched it from the bedside table so fast, it was a miracle he didn’t get a cramp.

It was from Zach.

Is it weird that I miss talking to you at night?’

Goddamn it.

It was easier to deal with this if Gavin kept telling himself it was just him. Maybe he’d even be able to let it go if he could paint it as his own selfish desires.

But here Zach was, smashing that assumption to fucking dust.

No, it’s not weird.

It should be weird; Gavinknewit should be weird.

He texted again, refusing to think about why he couldn’t stop his fingers from moving.I missed it too.

Missed you, too.

Okay. Not just me then.

Ugh, this would be easier if Zach seemed less into it.

No.

A second later, his phone rang.

“I . . .uh . . .” Zach stammered. “I thought it would be easier to talk than text.”

Gavin smiled, unable to help himself. “It’s alright. I like this too.”

“Good. Good.” Zach was smiling, too. Gavin could hear it in his voice, and that did something to his insides. Made him feel like he was glowing from the inside out.

And that was fine, it wasfine, as long as the line between them didn’t get crossed. Besides, how could it, like this? They were just talking. It was just talk.

“How was your dinner?” Gavin hesitated briefly over the last word. Wondering if he should’ve called it a date instead. Hating the flare of envy that someone else had gotten to take Zach out. Not that it could ever be him; he knew it couldn’t be. But that didn’t change the electric pulse ofwantthat he always pretended he didn’t feel.

“Fine. It was just a friend. My friend Jill. We hang out sometimes. She’s in a lot of my classes.”

“Oh.” He felt stupid now. It was Jill, notJack.

“You didn’t think I had a date, did you?” Zach’s voice was teasing now. Cute. Intimate. But this was still only words.

“No, of course not. Of course not.” Gavin heard how stupid he sounded.

“You totally did.” Zach sounded delighted. “And you thought I was dating Hayes.Hayes.”

“Well, in my defense, he’s gay and you’re gay, and he’s not likeunattractive.” Certainly not as attractive as Zach, but Gavin wasn’t going to say that, out loud.