Page 78 of Breaking the Ice

Guilt was inevitable; it always filtered through the pleasurable endorphins no matter how good the orgasm was.

Maybe it would be different if it wasreal. If it was really Zach touching him, murmuring encouragement against Gavin’s mouth, because he wouldn’t be denying him and using him in the same breath. But it couldn’t be real. He’d already decided that it couldn’t. That itwouldn’t.

But even the way it sort of felt like shit after didn’t stop him from riding the highduring, or from him chasing after it with every ounce of determination he had.

He should do better,bebetter, but he couldn’t help himself.

And, it could always be worse. He could be leading Zach on byactuallyhaving Zach share his bed.

Chapter 11

December

“Finn’s looking so solid,” Zach said as he leaned against the boards. He’d put skates on today, so he was on the ice, as Gavin leaned over the edge, his chin nearly brushing against Zach’s shoulder.

He shouldn’t like it as much as he did, but that ship wasn’t just sailed, it was out of the fucking harbor.

At the worst times he remembered all of Hayes’ warnings. How if he didn’t put some space between himself and Gavin, it would be impossible to move on.

And last month, when things had been fresh, he hadn’t imagined that he’d ever want to. But as he dug in, getting ready for the long haul of having Gavin in a lot of ways but never as deeply or as completely as he craved him, he was beginning to wonder just how shitty this was going to be.

“Yeah,” Gavin agreed. “God, on Saturday? He was on fire. I’ve never seen him play like that.”

Zach nodded.

It was definitely shitty. And he was definitely still doing it.

“I wasn’t sure about this thing with Braun. Thought it could get messy—”

“It could still get messy,” Zach warned.

Morgan was a problem; he never stopped being a problem. Which Zach supposed couldn’t be all that surprising, because he’d been a thorn in Hayes’ side—in hisheart—forever.

That was apparently just what he was. Persistent and annoying and always fucking digging himself in someplace he didn’t belong.

“It could, but I don’t think it will.” Gavin sounded optimistic about this, which was cute but also naive, because everyone knew when Morgan found out that his greatest rival was coaching his son, he was going to lose his shit. It was only a matter of time and how long and how severe the shit-losing was going to be.

“You just like the results so much you’re not worrying about the consequences,” Zach said and felt rather than saw Gavin’s smile against his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Gavin admitted. “But that shutout! I was actually worried about the Phantoms’ offense, but I shouldn’t have been.”

“Clearly,” Zach said.

“We should run a shootout drill at the end of practice,” Gavin said.

They still did them, because everyone needed them—not just Finn, but the offensive guys too—but theyhadbeen doing them less in deference to Finn’s mental hangups.

But Zach agreed; that shutout was a natural extension of an undeniable growing confidence, and if thatwasJacob Braun’s doing, then he’d give the guy credit.

“Yeah,” Zach said. “It’s a good time for it.”

“Agreed.” Gavin rested his chin on Zach’s shoulder for one last glorious minute and then he was rising, heading over towards center ice, where a knot of players had gathered, Ramsey starting to run them through a set of drills.

Ramsey was good. Always seemed to know what they needed to do before he and Gavin really considered it, and Zach hung back, observing as they worked on their power play. The first team was good—running like a machine these days, and it turned out, almost annoyingly, that booster at the bar had been right, because it was the best producing power play in the conference—but the second needed work.

Gavin beckoned him over as Ramsey gave the second power play team a gentle-ish ass reaming.

“I should move Mal to the second team,” Gavin said.