Page 48

chapter thirty-five

Jillian

I scrambled to pull last night’s clothes on, ignoring the stiffness in my neck and the dull ache in my hips as I moved around the room.

Graham was silent as I shakily got dressed, his forehead pressed against the window as he stared out at the city.

The sun wasn’t quite up yet, but the sky had turned a pale, bluish gray.

I watched him for a moment, then dug through my handbag for my phone.

His breathing was loud enough for me to hear from across the room.

“I’m going to call him,” I said.

He pulled his head from the window. “Xander?”

I nodded, putting my phone to my ear after I tapped on Xander’s name. But the call went straight to voicemail. “Damn it.”

“His phone’s dead. He wanted to use my charger.”

“Did you let him?”

“He changed his mind,” Graham said, his voice completely flat. Almost monotone.

Something in him had shifted. Of course he was reeling from being discovered by Xander, but this felt heavier than that. He always had a knack for calming me with his words when I unraveled. But now, he was quiet. His demeanor was… off.

“What are you thinking right now?” I asked, hugging my arms against myself in the center of the room.

Graham angled his body toward mine, his bare chest rising as he inhaled. He slid his hands in the pockets of last night’s jeans. “He could take us both down.”

“He won’t,” I said without hesitation.

Graham didn’t respond right away. I could see his jaw clenching, his eyes fixated on the floor. He turned and looked at the skyline before glancing up at me again. “What did he want to talk to you about last night in the lobby?”

I wondered when he was going to ask about that. “He wanted to hook up,” I said, wanting to be honest. “Just while we’re here in the city. Something about leaving New York in New York.”

Graham scratched his eyebrow with his thumb. “How’d he take the rejection?”

“You saw him,” I said with a sigh. I did my best Xander impression, mimicking his exact behavior at Times Square and grumbled, “I’m done, peace out.” I even held up double peace signs for dramatic effect. “And then he wandered off into the night like Holden fucking Caulfield.”

Graham’s jaw twitched like he wanted to smile, but he held it back. And then he cleared his throat, shifting his weight on his feet. “So he was rejected by you, and he already hates me. Can’t wait to see how this plays out.”

“He won’t do anything.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“I’ll talk to him,” I said, slinging my crossbody bag over my shoulder. “As soon as I get the chance.”

Graham shook his head, and his eyes dropped to the floor again. Why was he having such a hard time looking at me? I waited for him to say something, but he fell into silence again. I wished he would just tell me what was on his mind.

Maybe I didn’t want to know.

When he finally looked up, his expression was unreadable. The crinkle between his brows suggested there was more going on in his head than just panic. “I’m sorry for getting you caught up in this,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I should’ve left you alone. I’m just… sorry.”

His repeated apologies echoed through my mind like alarm bells. Because this sounded like regret. It sounded like resignation.

From me.

“You’re sorry?” I repeated, as if he hadn’t just said it twice.

He gave a single nod. “Yes. Because this shouldn’t have happened. I should’ve had the discipline to resist the temptation, to not cross a boundary with you. Because now we’re dealing with the fallout.”

He was speaking like I’d been lured into something I hadn’t willingly chosen. Like I wasn’t half the reason we were in this mess. Like I had no agency at all.

“You didn’t force me into this, Graham. You didn’t tie me down and—” I swallowed, reconsidering my choice of words. “I’m the one who came back and knocked on your door, remember? I’m not some naive child who can’t think for herself.”

“Oh my God,” he said, his face softening. I caught a flicker of dread in his eyes. “I’m not trying to imply any of that. I’m only saying that I’m the one in this scenario who should have known better.”

“Because you’re older?”

He made a face like he was offended. “Because I’m your boss . I’m the one in the position of power. I could have, at any time, put a stop to this—but I didn’t.”

Could he see how much my legs were trembling? I took a couple of steps backward, pulling down on the bottom of my tank top and wishing I could press rewind on this entire situation. “Sorry for tempting you,” I mumbled, turning toward his door.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jill, wait,” he said, coming toward me with fast, long strides. He placed his hands on my hips, making me turn to look at him. The sadness in his eyes almost made me break. “I don’t regret any of it. Not a second.”

Though I believed the sincerity of the words, his quivering voice made my heart ache. The man standing in front of me now was falling apart right before my eyes. Wrecked. No matter how this played out, he was right. He was the one in the position of power, and he’d take most of the fall.

I nodded in silence as though I wasn’t ready to collapse. He put a hand beneath my chin, gently tipping my face up to his. And then he brought his lips to mine in a slow kiss that felt like a goodbye.

And if it wasn’t a goodbye, it was the end of whatever version of us existed before this trip. I begged him with my lips and my tongue to let this be the start of something more. Please. Give me what I want.

Graham pulled away and cleared his throat, his eyes looking a little glassy. “You need to get ready and pack. We’ve got a plane to catch. And—” He unplugged his phone charger from the wall, his hands trembling as he wrapped the cord around the adapter. “Here. Give that to Xander if you see him.”

“Okay,” I said, pretending I didn’t notice the tears welling in his eyes. “See you downstairs?”

He nodded once, already unzipping his suitcase with his back to me. “Yeah.”

I slipped out of his room without glancing back, thinking about how different this exit felt from the way we tumbled into the room the night before. I missed that.

***

Meghan and Chase didn’t read the room—or the vibe—inside the taxi van that shuttled us back to LaGuardia.

They talked the entire way, detailing their late night experiencing Manhattan.

Not in the way anyone normal would enjoy the city.

They’d Ubered between iconic movie locations and haunted buildings, creating content for Chase’s YouTube channel and their shared blog.

“We slept a total of two hours. If that,” Chase said from the seat in front of me.

He nudged Meghan, and they grinned at each other like they had a secret.

They paid no attention to the rest of us sitting in strained silence as the taxi made its way to the airport. Xander avoided my eyes, staring out at the graffiti-covered overpasses instead.

We did exchange a few words outside the hotel. I’d asked him if he wanted Graham’s charger and tried to hand it to him like some kind of awkward peace offering, but he mumbled something about buying one from Walgreens.

That was it.

Graham didn’t have much to say, either. Not to me, personally, anyway.

He defaulted to his role as the group leader, ensuring none of us left anything behind.

And as we waited on the cab, he told a story to no one in particular about the time Olivia forgot her Dyson Airwrap in a hotel room and didn’t realize it until they were an hour down the interstate.

The fact that he knew what a Dyson Airwrap was made me smile, in spite of myself.

After that, he was quiet again, and he stayed that way. There was no cheerful small talk with the cab driver this time. No mention of Woodvale or where we worked. Just heavy silence.

LaGuardia was chaotic. I followed the others through security, shaking when I couldn’t get my items in the plastic bins fast enough to satisfy the person behind me. We were in constant, frenzied motion until we reached our crowded gate.

Graham sat across from me instead of in the open seat beside me, leaving a gap between himself and Xander. I tried not to read into it—he was probably just giving me space, after all.

Meghan and Chase’s exhaustion seemed to finally catch up with them, and she curled against his side like she might fall asleep. She lazily picked at the zipper on the backpack on his lap while he scrolled on his phone.

Xander pulled that same black hoodie over his head again, despite the fact that it was the middle of July.

The hood gave him something to disappear into, I guessed.

A way to shield us all out. Graham looked him over before scooting to the edge of his seat with a deep breath. “Does anyone want to get breakfast?”

Meghan let out a little grunt, burrowing closer to Chase’s chest. “Meg and I are good,” Chase said. Xander didn’t respond at all.

Graham’s eyes found mine, and when I quietly shook my head, he stretched his leg out in front of him to tap his foot against mine. “You should get something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” I tucked my hands beneath my thighs.

“You haven’t eaten since the conference,” he said, locking eyes with me. My stomach fluttered. Not from hunger, but from the way he was openly and publicly showing concern for me. Like I was someone he needed to take care of.

“I’m not hungry, Graham,” I repeated, the words coming out a little sharper than I intended.

His lips parted in surprise, and from the corner of my eye, I caught Xander tugging back his hood just enough to study Graham’s reaction.

He eyed me next, and the attention from both of these men was a little too much at the moment.

I rose to my feet, dropping my carry-on bag in my seat before walking off without a word. I made a beeline for the little bookstore tucked in the corner of the concourse. My eyes scanned the row of best-sellers on the table, but my head was too foggy to register any of the titles.