Page 45

Meghan caught on quickly, shaking her head. “Come on, that wouldn’t be right. Besides, we need an adultier adult to navigate the streets with us.”

“Nothing says ‘fun night out’ like bringing the guy who currently signs our paychecks,” Xander said.

He might not be for long , I thought.

With the argument settled and the decision made, we just needed to wait on Graham to wrap things up with his IndyStar buddy.

He finally made his way over to our table, rolling up his sleeves.

“You guys know this is a networking cocktail hour, right?” he asked with a grin.

“Yet you’re over here being anti-social. ”

“We’ve socialized enough,” Meghan answered. “We’re ready for you to take us to Times Square.”

“What?” Graham’s eyes found mine, and I responded with a small smile.

“Didn’t you know? You’re the dad of the group,” I said, tucking my hair behind one ear. “We might need you to hold our hands while we cross the street.”

Graham slid in between Xander and me at the table and looked at my face. “I told you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I told you weeks ago in the car that I’d feel like a chaperone on this trip.”

“I didn’t say chaperone. I said dad ,” I corrected. “There’s a difference.”

“Either way, I’m still the responsible one, aren’t I?” he asked, making me laugh as I took a final sip of my cocktail. I was fully aware of everyone’s eyes on me, and I did everything I could not to think about Meghan’s “daddy kink” comment.

Not that I was doing a very good job proving her wrong.

We finished our drinks and made our way back to the hotel to check into our rooms and change.

The sun had officially set, and I stood before the window in my room for a solid three minutes just taking in all the lights.

I pressed my forehead to the glass, humming Alicia Keys’ part of “Empire State of Mind,” my smile fading when I let my mind drift to the look on Isaiah’s face when he approached us that morning.

Had he told the other interns?

Did Olivia know?

I finally pulled myself away from the window and changed into something more suited for wandering around the city streets. I opted for denim shorts, a flowy white tank, and a pair of low-top canvas sneakers I knew wouldn’t stay clean for very long.

I joined the others in the lobby, and we pushed through the revolving glass door out to the street, where the city already felt alive with noise and lights. This was a far cry from even the busiest street back in Woodvale.

But the second my feet hit the sidewalk, I felt Xander’s hand on my back, stopping me in my tracks.

“Hold on a sec,” he told the others, gently pushing me back through the door. I didn’t have time to react or question it.

“Is something wrong?” I asked him when we were back in the lobby, and he guided me around the corner near the windows facing the street.

“I just want to talk to you without interruptions and without all the… noise,” he said, drawing his hand from my back.

I nodded slowly, still a little thrown. He was standing so close. “Okay…”

“Why don’t you and I break off from the others and do our own thing?”

I blinked. “Why would we do that?”

“To have some fun. Go get drinks somewhere.”

“Maybe we all can go?” I suggested, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading and trying my best to steer it another direction.

Xander’s eyes stayed on mine. “It’d be more fun if it were just the two of us,” he said, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I think we could… try again.”

My lips slowly parted slowly as I took this in, knowing this was probably what he’d been trying to tell me for the past couple of weeks. At City Hall, at the Gardeners’–he’d been trying to get me alone and suggest something like this for a while.

“What we were doing before we let emotions get in the way was pretty fun,” he added, his voice softer now. “And I miss that.”

I folded my arms against my chest. “You mean you miss having sex with me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Xander. I don’t want casual sex. I need the emotions, too. I’m sorry, but this isn’t happening.”

He took a deep breath, glancing out the window at the others, who were standing around waiting for us. “I’m not saying we have to shut off our feelings completely. I’m just—”

“Are you still in love with Abigail?”

“This has nothing to do with her,” he said, his frustration showing in the way he stared down at his shifting feet. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re still in love with Abigail, but you’re trying to have sex with me,” I said quietly, more tired than angry. “Do you know how confusing that is?”

“Look, I’m…” He put his hands in his pockets and stared at the damask pattern on the rug at our feet.

“I’m trying really hard not to be in love with her.

Because I kind of can’t take the slow heartbreak anymore.

And I like you. I thought that since we’re here, in the city, and everyone’s just trying to have a good time, that would be enough.

We can leave New York in New York and forget about it when we get back to Woodvale. ”

My stomach hurt. I knew how much it pained him to have to say all of that out loud, and I wanted to sympathize with him. But I was equally frustrated, because I hadn’t done a single thing to suggest I was looking for a casual hookup with him.

He was just horny, and I was there.

“Xander,” I said with a sigh, touching a hand to my forehead. I turned slightly to glance out the window at the others. Graham was watching us. The second our eyes met through the glass, he quickly turned away and pretended to be interested in whatever Meghan and Chase were saying.

Then I looked up at Xander, who was already shaking his head. Either at himself or at me—it wasn’t clear.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears with both hands.

I offered a small, hopeful smile, trying to let him down as gently as possible.

A small part of me wished I could open up to him about Graham so he’d really know where my heart was.

“Let’s just hang out with the group, okay? ”

He licked his lips, and after a moment’s hesitation, he started to nod. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I echoed, just to be sure.

He looked up. “I said okay,” he snapped, tugging at the collar of his black t-shirt like it was choking him. “And… you don’t have to tell Meghan about this.”

I pretended to zip my lips before pushing my way through the revolving glass doors again, trying to shake off the conversation. I had enough on my plate without adding some nonsense with Xander to it.

The sidewalk buzzed with life. There were car horns, people laughing, and music spilling from a window nearby.

So much was happening around us, it was hard to know where to even look.

It was sensory overload in every direction.

But I glanced up at Graham’s little half-smile as the five of us began our walk toward Times Square, and it was the only thing that made me feel like I could finally exhale.