Page 33

Marie

__________

I haven’t seen James in over a month. Well, not personally, face to face.

Not in my house. I haven’t heard his voice speak to me whatsoever.

He’s supposedly staying at a hotel. Nolan and Landon were shocked when I told them the truth, and now they’re taking turns staying with me. I told them everything.

Brenton and his parents have been fantastic, coming over more frequently and ensuring I have a full fridge and pantry. I’m not sure I would eat much without them.

I’m just numb.

I focus on the girls, on work. At least he really did call his lawyers and financial advisors for the meeting I had with Lauren Garcia.

She showed up the next afternoon and three hours later, I became a very rich woman.

It doesn’t feel real. Nothing does anymore.

I feel like I’m a robot, just going through the motions.

I have half a mind to just disappear and never look back. If it wasn’t for the girls, I would. Maybe buy a private island and bask in the sun for the rest of my days. Alone. Like I deserve.

Well, not just the girls, I have the babies to think about now, too.

I’ll be a million weeks along next week, and I fucking feel it.

More like thirty-one weeks along, but still.

I’m still able to work and walk around just fine, but I’m starting to look like I swallowed one of those massive beach balls.

We have everything we need when it comes to the babies, so I declined a baby shower.

We already had the gender reveal party, so there’s no point.

Plus I really don’t feel like socializing any more than I’m forced to.

The weather is starting to slowly warm, the snow is lessening drastically. Which is fantastic for my sanity, let me tell you.

Logan and Bianca have even been coming over quite a bit, dragging Blake behind them to show me moral support. If it wasn’t for that team I would be in a sinkhole of depression. Is James feeling any of this, too? Is he going to disappear?

He's like a zombie on the ice. Mechanically moving, he has only made three goals in the last month, barely assisting on the ice whatsoever. At least he’s out of the rage stage. He was fighting anyone and everyone for the first two weeks, and now, it’s like he’s just… done.

And I feel awful. I know I either should have told him right away, or not at all, but I can’t change the past. I can only focus on the future, the babies’ future. At least the girls’ spring break is coming up. They can’t stop talking about the lake house I booked.

We leave in two weeks and I’m dragging poor Brenton with me. He hasn’t taken a vacation in years, and worst case, he can drive the two hours back to town to deliver a baby if he’s needed.

Maybe we can find him a great guy up on the lake. He needs to let off some steam. If I wasn’t pregnant and bloated, swollen, and look like a beached whale, I would probably do the same. I need James out of my head.

But after being with James, having his lips, tongue, and teeth on my body once again. His long, thick cock inside of me, fucking me so hard, so deep that I can’t think of anyone else?

I doubt I’ll be able to be with another man. He’s ruined me, just as I always knew he would. Mentally, physically, and romantically.

I spend my days at the rink, charting, and talking to the team.

I probably only have another month of being able to work before I’m unable to roll out of bed on my own, but I stay busy, concentrating on the present.

The girls have already started packing for the three of us to head off on our adventure.

Brenton is slower moving, but hopefully it’ll be a kick in the ass he needs to hire another OBGYN, PA, or a nurse practitioner to help him out in his office.

I don’t know where to go from here. I haven’t tried contacting or talking to James at all, and he hasn’t tried for me either. All of his belongings are out of my house, and I feel so damn lonely, desolate once again.

Maybe this is just how it was meant to be. Broken-hearted and alone. I certainly deserve it.

The girls know something is up, but they ignore it and focus on school, knowing to leave me alone.

Their birthday was last week and all they wanted to do was spend a day at the spa with some of their friends.

So I made it happen. Even though they chose the lake house as their gift, I still wanted them to have something special for their seventeenth birthdays since I’ve basically checked out lately.

I don’t know if James called them or saw them, they didn’t mention it. But they loved their spa day, and that’s all that matters.

____________

“Thirty-six whole weeks pregnant!” Brenton calls out as he enters the exam room. I’m done, so drained. My last day of work was last Wednesday and I’ve barely gotten out of bed. “How’s my favorite big mama feeling?”

I send him a glare and groan as I lean back on the table. “Exhausted.”

He winks at me and takes my vitals, grabbing the ultrasound machine to check on the placentas and the babies like we have once a week for the past month. “I would think you were an alien if you weren’t exhausted. After the ultrasound I’m going to check your cervix, okay?”

I sigh and nod, letting him do his thing.

I went to the 4D ultrasound clinic two weeks ago.

Alone. I ordered a higher package and had them frame and blow up the photos for me so that I can hang them in the nurseries.

All of the clothes are washed and put away, bags are packed. I’m ready when they are.

“Wow, look at those babies.” He murmurs, pressing deeper with the wand, making me wince.

“Your placentas look fine, babies are growing beautifully.” I nod and he winks at me.

“Now for the fun part, I’ll help you get comfortable before I check you…

Your cervix looks pretty short in the ultrasound.

You might just be going into labor soon. ”

I huff out a soft laugh and let him move my body around. The nurse knocks on the door and hangs out in the room while he does the exam.

“You’re dilated three centimeters and I feel the bag… The way they’re positioned, I don’t think a vaginal birth will be possible, Marie… Do you want to book a birth date? Preferably this week. I imagine your waters are going to break within days.”

I chew on my lip and tap my fingers against the table, the paper under my body crinkles with each movement. “I just feel weird picking their birth date, like it’s a bad omen or something. Do you really think I need a c-section? Can’t they move?”

He sighs and shakes his head, helping me sit up before he takes off his gloves and washes his hands.

“You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?

” He sticks his tongue out at me and steps closer, pressing a hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll be there with you every step of the way.

Are Nolan and Landon in town? I can never keep track. ”

I shake my head and lean back. “No, they’re out of town for the week.

I’ll be fine. Bianca is in town and she can stay with the girls while I’m in the hospital.

If the babies aren’t going to stay in then it’s just meant to be.

” Damn the guys for being too damn good and being in the playoffs.

They’ll probably be traveling and playing for another couple of weeks.

“Will the babies be okay if they come now?”

He nods and pulls me in for a hug. “Absolutely. We’ll still check them out, but I don’t foresee any NICU time.” He rubs my back and stares into my eyes. “I would feel more comfortable if we do the c-section before you go into labor, it lessens the stress on the babies.”

I lick my lips and sigh. “When are you available?”

___________

Everything is a whirlwind after I left my appointment. I went home, grabbed my bags, and called Bianca. Brenton’s parents offered to stay at the house and cook and clean, helping me after I get back home. The car seats are set up in my car, the stroller is ready in my trunk.

The girls are following me to the hospital and they played rock-paper-scissor on who’s coming into the operating room with me.

Alyssa won and brought a camera with her to take photos. I’m betting she’ll end up using her phone instead.

I still haven’t chosen any names. Maybe Bernard as a middle name after my grandfather… Alyssa and Caroline both share the same middle name, Anne. So I’ll probably use that as a middle name for baby girl.

I feel like I’m running on fumes, my body is just done. I’m so exhausted mentally and physically. I’m sort of glad Brenton was able to get me in today instead of waiting around at home for my waters to break and end up needing an emergency c-section.

Bianca is getting comfortable at the house to help out with the girls while I’m recovering in the hospital, but it’s just not the same.

I want James.

He’s always held my hand when I got hurt, never leaving my side when I had my bones reset, stitches placed, and casts placed on my limbs and then removed several weeks later. He’s always taken care of me, and I have systematically ruined his life, haven’t I?

I understand if he never wants to see me again. I don’t blame him.

I just feel so bad for my babies. They’ll never know his love, his comforting touch. He always gives the best hugs and would do anything for anyone around him.

But I fucked up, I guess. But, you know what? So did he. We both did. Over and over.

It’s been weeks since I’ve had him in my life, and I still feel as gutted as I did on the day he walked out.

I blow out a breath as I wait in the hospital bed. Brenton is already here, talking to the nurses and filling out paperwork. Alyssa and Caroline are at my sides, both of them texting as if it’s a new Olympic sport. Probably updating everyone and their mother about the babies.

“Who are you girls talking to?” I murmur, jealous because my phone is sitting in my recovery room on another floor, buried deep in my baby bags.

I don’t even remember the last time I looked at it, to be honest. I used it to call Bianca and Brenton but I haven’t checked my text messages. Too afraid to see them still empty.

“Nolan and Landon demanded updates… We might have told them that your waters were about to break and your vagina was dilating or whatever.”

I snort and shake my head, relaxing back into the stiff, thin pillows. “Cervix. My cervix dilated. Brenton just checked it again about an hour ago and I’m already at four centimeters. It’s a wonder that I’m not in labor, I think my body is just done.”

The girls nod and hum, continuing to tap around on their phones, taking photos with me scowling in the background. I might have flipped them off a few times, too.

Nurses step into the room with Brenton waving from the hall. “It’s time, Marie! Are you ready to become a mom?”

I nod and lick my dry lips, wishing I put on extra lip balm. “I am.”

The blonde nurse winks and looks around. “Who’s coming back with us? We need to get you fitted into your space suit, gloves, and mask.” Alyssa raises her hand and she follows the nurse out of the room.

“Where do I go?” Caroline pouts and Brenton chuckles.

“I’ll take you to the waiting room, I’ll come grab you when Marie is in recovery, I’ll bring you to the party.”

It’s a hazy, fuzzy blur after that. Vitals taken, cuffs on my legs, and I’m wheeled off to a freezing cold, sterile operating room. I’m maneuvered around like a dummy, a spinal block placed. Doctors and nurses all around me, talking and I just stare up at the ceiling.

Oh my god, it’s really happening.

“Alright Marie, we’re placing the catheter now. Then I’ll run some quick tests to make sure you don’t feel a thing.”

I grunt an affirmative and Brenton rolls his eyes. “Stop being a brat, Marie.” Everyone chuckles and a nasal cannula is placed up my nostrils, oxygen pumping into me. I feel like time stops and fast forwards all at once.

One moment I’m just staring at the ceiling… the next, strangled, whimpering, babies cry. Two nurses eventually flank me with wailing babies.

Oh goodness, they’re so tiny, so red and open-mouthed screaming, I cry right along with them. They help me open my gown and lay them on my chest. They only have their diapers on, so I wrap them up in the gown, pressing kisses to their sweet heads.

“Oh my stars,” I cry and breathe them in.

“You did great, Marie.” Brenton clears his throat, I can’t see him but I can hear the strain in his voice.

“Two perfect, healthy babies. Baby boy is seven and a half pounds, twenty inches long. Baby girl is seven pounds, two ounces, and nineteen inches long. Both are going straight with you to recovery. We’re almost done here. ”

I sigh and relax into the table, staring down at the tiny goblins on my chest. Both of them have fuzzy light brown hair, their eyes are closed so I can’t see what color those are… but all of that can and will most likely change.

Alyssa and Caroline were born with brown hair and dark blue eyes.

Alyssa leans over my shoulder and kisses my cheek. “They are absolutely gorgeous, Marie. I love them so much.”

I nod and let the tears fall. “Me, too.”