Page 24

James

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E ven while we’re supposed to be having some downtime, I spend most of the Christmas break at the rink, practicing and working out in the gym. It’s a good thing that half of the team had the same idea so I’m not just moping out on the ice on my own.

As captain, I should be telling their asses to go home and spend time with their families.

But the selfish part of me loves that they’re around me.

We’re all suited up, playing a quick game against each other. I’m switching between right and left winger since we’re down a few guys, the smart ones that are actually home with their families.

The puck hits the ice and I wait for Landon to take possession while Logan is checking me into the wall.

I grunt with the impact and skate around, chasing after them.

I wouldn’t do this in a real game, but that was a low blow from one of my own men, even if we’re on opposite sides for this practice.

I slide on the ice, snow falling in a curtain around Logan and Landon and they both glare at me when I steal the puck and slap it into the net over Nolan’s head.

“All right, fuckers, pack it up. Someone’s getting married tomorrow… So tonight, we party!” Nolan crows and we all chuckle.

Logan hoots and we all fuck around for a few minutes before heading to the locker room to clean up. Then suit up. Just like old times.

“Too bad we couldn’t do the party before now… How’s Bianca doing?”

Logan nods at me as we undress and step into the showers and I bask in the hot water.

“She’s amazing. Told me she’s going to start sitting with Marie and the twins during the games.

I guess some drama has been going on between some of the WAG’s.

I haven’t asked. It’s one thing after another.

I think it has something to do with Brittany.

” He murmurs low in my ear and I frown at him.

“Morgan’s wife? Wonder what that’s about. Are they going to split?”

He shrugs and we rinse off before heading to our lockers to get dressed in our suits. We’re going to a few bars before heading over to Nolan’s house to relax in the jacuzzi and we’re all spending the night there. No women, no bunnies, no strippers.

Those were the only rules and Logan immediately agreed, telling all of us to behave or else.

The last week has been incredible. No home or away games, just having fun on the ice with my team, spending more time with Marie and the girls, and also spending way too much on shit for Marie’s babies.

I feel like I can’t stop fucking shopping for them. I even found infant bathing suits, life jackets, and little hats for the summer, so I got a few different sizes.

It’s like an addiction. We weren’t able to spoil the girls until they were a lot older, I was picked up by the Mavericks when they were twelve, so since then, they’ve spoiled like princesses. They cried when we moved into my house. That day is ingrained into my brain for the rest of my life.

Alex and I have barely been speaking. I have barely been at the house lately, and when I am, I feel like driving my head through a wall. I have no idea what to do or say after the wedding, but I can’t let the relationship go any further.

She has a lot of growing up to do and I just don’t think she’s going to any time soon.

I’ve finally fucked her a few times after I got the all-clear from my doctor.

.. But it’s just not the same as it was when I had been with her before.

Maybe now that I actually know her better as a person, the sex isn’t as good?

Or I don’t have the amount of alcohol in my body as I had out at the bars when I met her?

Or is it everything surrounding Marie and her pregnancy that’s changing my mind.

Like my body is wanting to gravitate towards the pregnant woman and force her to love me.

If she would ever give me a chance, without dragging the girls through any unnecessary stress and dramatics, I would be begging on my knees for Marie to be mine.

Is that insane?

For years… I would have, should have.

I haven’t let myself really think about my feelings for her in years.

But now that I feel trapped in this ‘relationship’ with Alex, I feel like I’m drowning.

I haven’t told anyone what my plans are, it seems so damn shallow that I’m only with her because I already invited her to the wedding.

I paid for her dress and shoes weeks ago.

Logan and Bianca already have the RSVP, the limos and hotel rooms are already booked.

But, fuck, the sex? It’s boring. She just lays there and screams her moans for no reason. She doesn’t pull me closer, we don’t kiss. Plus I think I’m too paranoid to get too into it so that I can remember to pull out.

I don’t even have swimmers. The paranoia is driving me crazy.

I should make it into a drinking game every time she brings up babies or an engagement ring.

Apparently her mother wants us to get married in LA at some hotel.

She wants me to buy one of her rings from her new engagement line.

It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even check my emails anymore because they send me a new one every day.

I’m at the point now where I just blink at her and leave the house before heading to Marie’s house.

I’m just done. I can’t do this to myself, or to the girls or Marie, anymore. Just for sex? What the fuck was I thinking.

She’s also not happy that I listed the house for sale. I actually did it. And if she has a problem with downsizing and living in a secluded area, then she can go back to her vacation house, which is the plan.

I don’t think she actually believed I would do it. That if she played the devil whispering into my ear, I would just go along with what she says.

She was also disappointed with her Christmas presents, too, and I was baffled.

Every year the girls and Marie get the same thing. Spa gift certificates, new purses, and usually a simple piece of jewelry. A necklace, earrings, or a bracelet.

So I gave Alex the same James Carter Christmas Special.

She frowned at her gifts and handed me one, which was a diamond encrusted Rolex that I’ll probably never put on. The only watch I do wear is the one Marie bought for me when I found out I was drafted.

It’s my good luck watch.

So the diamond Rolex sits in a drawer in my closet, right beside the drawer Alex threw her Christmas gifts in.

She’s also pissed at me for spending so much time with the girls, my own sisters, plus Marie. Maybe she’s more angry about the latter. She doesn’t understand that Marie is like family to me, and the twins are my literal family. My baby sisters.

She had nannies and maids, chefs and landscapers growing up. She doesn’t understand why I would ‘waste my time’ with them when I have her at home. Sitting around, waiting for me. But… What else is new? Alex is never happy when shit isn’t constantly going her way.

Even when I started making millions when I was drafted, Marie and I did everything on our own, aside from deep cleaning this monstrosity of a house.

Outside of that? Nothing really changed. She didn’t start wearing nice clothes and getting her hair done until after she got her own job as a physician's assistant. She never used my money.

Marie watched the girls, I hired babysitters when she had school that overlapped with games, but outside of that? Marie did all of the cooking, she went to – and still goes to – all of the parent teacher conferences at their school. I dealt with the bills and vacations.

We were perfectly oiled machines, always in sync, and now everything just feels, tilted. Out of sorts. Wrong.

I liked Alex, but love? No. I don’t feel that for her.

Engagement, wedding, and the fucking talk about babies is driving me insane… I’m ready to pull my hair out. Shit, I can barely get my fucking head on straight with everything else going on.

Maybe if Marie and the girls said they would move back in with me it would help make my decision easier, faster. But they won’t. So, bye bye house.

Alex never wants to leave the house, either.

She only wants to go shopping, either on her phone or trying to get me to take her to some new store.

She doesn’t lift a finger around the house and begs me to hire a live-in housekeeper and chef because picking up her own clothes is apparently a travesty. And she doesn’t cook.

She only knows how to pour wine into a glass. I don’t think she’s ever really stepped foot into a kitchen aside from grabbing a drink. Or ordering someone to fetch her one.

I don’t understand that life, and I’ll never succumb to one.

Hence the downsizing. I want something small, simple. Comforting.

Plus, money isn’t forever. I can be injured in a game, never able to play again. Sure I have investments, stocks, and bonds. I can live off of this money for several lifetimes, but it doesn’t mean I have to live like it.

Look at Marie… She’s going to be close to a multimillionaire when she turns thirty if she gets the trust fund without her parents fucking with it. She works as a PA, she makes a decent amount of money, but I know the bills stress her out… and she lives a lot more modestly than I do.

If I didn’t buy her that Range Rover a few years ago, she would still be driving an old, beat up Honda Civic. She buys all of her clothes and décor from Target and Walmart.

I need to stop comparing the two women, it’s just so hard not to.

If Marie wasn’t my best friend, she would be my dream woman.

She’s kind, thoughtful, witty, and insanely smart. She puts me in my place, knows me like the back of her own hand. Loves the girls as much as I do, and always, always, puts them first.

I’m failing at that more every day it seems, but I’m trying now. That counts for something, right?

Maybe me buying a small three-bedroom house will be the last straw for Alex and she’ll leave on her own accord. Fixing my mistake. She hates it when I go out with the guys. Hates it when I say I’m going to go spend time with my sisters, and hates it when I bring up Marie.

I don’t do it to be rude or to talk about another woman but to talk about my damn best friend who is fucking raising my sisters. Something not anyone else would ever do.

Alex doesn’t know about Marie’s pregnancy, and I don’t think it’s her business, as much as it’s most likely not mine. But I made it my business. She deserves the help.

I’m going to be a better uncle for those babies than the brother and best friend I’ve been lately. Marie deserves it, and so do those two innocent kids.

I shove all thoughts of Alex away as we bar hop, take shot after shot, and party like we’re twenty-one again.

Which we are certainly not.

We dance, holler, and sing. We sip whiskey at the last dark bar and finally hire a driver or five to take us over to Nolan’s house.

All I know is that Morgan shoved me into the back of a black car and he sat beside me, glaring down at his phone. How he is even able to see anything on that bright screen is giving me a headache just to think about. Maybe he didn’t drink enough. My fucking head is spinning.

Luckily Nolan has enough room for all of us to crash tonight. And look at that… no one brought a woman back.

Logan didn’t even so much as look at another woman. Such a good fucking guy. Fuck, I love him. I love all of them.

We all strip down to our boxers and sit in the massive jacuzzi in Nolan’s back yard when we all arrive.

There’s like three feet of snow on the ground and I had too much to drink to even feel the cold.

I lift my nose into the air and breathe in the fresh, frigid air.

I will never miss California. The smog, the foul, garbage lined dirt roads in our trailer park.

I don’t know how I would survive in a warmer climate again anyway. Hopefully I never get traded.

“So, Logan… Your last night as a bachelor. How does it feel?” Nolan slurs and chugs another beer before tossing the empty can into the snow behind him.

Logan chuckles and shrugs his broad shoulders. “She’s the one, man. I’m stoked to be marrying her tomorrow. We booked a honeymoon for the summer so that we can have a whole month. We're going to Bora Bora and then Hawaii.”

I nod and sip on my beer, wanting to gag. It tastes like shit. “Damn, that sounds amazing.”

Nolan and Landon start playing some drinking game and Blake and I relax side by side as we watch the other guys start peppering Logan with questions about the wedding tomorrow.

How many single women are showing up, what type of food.

Closest hotel. Apparently I was one of the only smart ones that booked way in advance.

Morgan sits back watching us all like it’s a damn comedy show and shakes his head. He’s been married for like ten years and has three kids, I don’t think he even remembers what it’s like to be single. Well, maybe he’ll find out soon.

I have noticed that he’s been coming out a lot more lately. I need to pull him aside to ask him if he’s alright. Maybe tomorrow.

It’s going to be a good night, it has been a fucking good night partying with all of my favorite people. Watching the ball drop at the reception on projector screens, partying some more, then crashing at the hotel. I just hope Alex doesn’t get too upset.

I also booked a suite for Marie and the girls so that they could use my driver to head over there instead of driving home in the dark, in the snow. Hell no.

It was a part of their Christmas gifts, so they couldn’t say no anyway.

I also took them all shopping for their dresses and shoes and got them gift certificates to get their hair and makeup done last weekend. Marie said she was waiting because she didn’t know how big she was going to be, and then forgot about it.

Marie scowled at me when she opened up all of her presents on Christmas morning and the ones for the babies.

More merch, but it’s worth it. Those babies deserve to be spoiled as much as she’s always spoiled my sisters since they came into the world. Shit. I need to slow down on the alcohol. I’m getting too fucking sappy.

If I ever would have children, I would hope Marie was the mother of them. Not that it’s ever going to happen.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there man?” Nolan grunts at me and I blink over to him.

The steam is billowing from the hot water and I chuckle to myself when the lights change from red to orange. Definitely not Nolan’s color.

“Nothing much. I think I’m going to head to bed. See you assholes in the morning,” I wave and dry off before heading down the halls to the guest rooms.

I jump into the soft bed naked and decide on showering in the morning. In my intoxicated state, I would probably somehow drown in the shower anyway.

Good night world.