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He replies again but I set my phone down.

Why is he acting so normal, as if nothing happened?

I know that he’s never had a problem with kids, he loves them actually.

Maybe I’m terrified because they’re his and he has no idea…

and when he does find out I know he’s going to run.

Probably to another country. Or another planet.

I miss him so much that it physically hurts.

I miss his touches and cuddles, even if they were platonic to him.

I still have his naked body forever burned into my mind and it’s those images that keep me… going late at night. Good thing I just ordered myself one of those massage wands. Nothing else will fit around this big belly for me to play with myself with.

The girls and I go to sleep shortly after they set everything in one of the empty bedrooms, and I toss and turn for a while. I’m going crazy not being able to have sex.

It would probably be bad if I begged Nolan or Landon to scratch the itch, wouldn’t it?

First of all, we were never official for a reason. I don’t think any real feelings were actually involved, at least on my end. And they never said otherwise.

And second of all, we’re all close friends now. Our flings were just that, flings. I was busy with school or work, they were busy being rock stars on the ice. I was lonely, they were horndogs.

It worked out.

If only Brenton was straight. Then again, he’s my doctor and his parents are like surrogate parents to me now. That would just be awkward.

I remember when he told me that he bats for the other team. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, I’m not into baseball, I really only know football and hockey.

Mostly hockey.

We were out at dinner one night, about a week after the first dinner at his parents’ house, and he casually dropped that nonsense on me.

We had a good laugh once I figured it out. Not sure why he told me in the first place. Maybe he just wanted a friend? One that he knew wouldn’t judge him.

So that’s what we’ve been since, great friends. Well. A friend that looks and checks my vagina on a weekly basis.

His parents also drop by at least twice a week to have dinner with the girls and me, and he shows up randomly with some sort of chocolate and a sparkling juice for us to share. The girls absolutely love him.

Again… if only he was straight. He is magnificent and so kind, so handsome.

I sigh as I roll towards my nightstand and grab my massager from the drawer. I've been putting this poor thing through the ringer lately. I check that the batteries are still working and turn it on low, rolling back onto my back and spreading my legs.

I’m wearing one of James’s old t-shirts that I’ve had since his college days, and a pair of old, flimsy underwear. Totally sexy. I slide them down my hips to my feet, accidentally kicking them off the bed.

I bite down on my lip as I slip the vibrating head through my plump, swollen wet lips and circle my entrance to lube up the end.

I slip it back up to my sensitive clit, arching my aching back as my legs already begin to shake.

This is going to be the fastest I’ve orgasmed, ever.

I press my left palm over my mouth as I roll my hips and pelvis up against the vibrating head, pressing the button to put it on a higher, faster setting.

“Fuck.” I grunt and shudder as the orgasm rolls through my body. My body relaxes, and I feel like I’m on top of the world. I feel myself dripping and I grunt as I close my legs to not let anything get on my clean sheets.

My eyes grow hooded as I turn off the massager, slowly sitting up so that I can wash it before shoving it back in my drawer in its home.

A few weeks ago, I fell asleep with it in my bed.

It scared the shit out of me the next morning when my alarm went off.

I ended up rolling over on top of it, turning it on and it vibrated against my hip. I thought my bed was possessed.

I scrub it with some special sex toy soap and hot water, leaving it on my sink to dry on top of a towel. I use my phone as a flashlight to find my panties so that I can slip them back on, not wanting to sleep naked in case the girls need me.

I crawl back into bed after rolling around on top of it to put my panties back on, and finally get comfortable enough to sleep. A long ass day with a full house, laughter, love, and presents.

And cupcakes. And thankfully an orgasm.

I can’t wait to see all of the photos, what a day.

_____________

“James just sent a text that he’s ready to go shopping! He’s almost here!” Caroline yells down the hall. I groan as I roll out of bed, fixing my hair in the mirror in the bathroom before I pad down the hall.

It’s been two weeks since the gender reveal party and I haven’t allowed anyone to buy me anything since the girls have been way too amped up to shop with James.

Probably because he will never say no to them and has more money than god.

I stop at my dresser and grab all of the gift cards and shove them into my purse.

These will at least help me feel less guilty.

I find them already ready in the foyer and I cock a brow at them. “Let me guess, you already have lists.”

Alyssa nods and spins her phone towards me.

I read through it, using my finger to scroll, and scroll…

“We’re thinking of a light gray for baby boy’s room…

and a soft lavender for baby girl’s. Since you won’t tell us any names and scowl at every nickname, it’s not going to be personalized or anything.

But I was thinking of zoo animals for baby boy and unicorns for baby girl. ”

I sigh and nod, actually loving the idea. “All right. You guys have the reins.” They both smile at me before hugging me and I soak in their love.

I feel like they’ve grown another inch in the last year, which I wouldn’t be surprised about. They should be in basketball, or hell, even volleyball, but after growing up with a brother in hockey, they refuse to play sports.

They care more about science and writing anyway, they love academics, not sure who the hell they got that from. They’re both so incredibly smart, I can’t wait to watch them thrive.

James shows up within minutes, honking his horn for us to come out. We head out to the truck and I scowl at him as he jumps out to race to the passenger door. He smiles at me as he lifts me up into the seat and helps me buckle. I blink at him and he blatantly ignores my look.

“Just helping you out. Nolan said you’ve been uncomfortable.”

I sigh and settle into the leather seat as he walks back over to his side. “That’s true. I already feel like I’m the size of a full-term pregnant woman.”

He shrugs and starts to drive down the road. “Well, you have two in there, of course you’re going to be bigger. Just wait until you’re almost due... Has Brenton said anything about bed rest or having to deliver early?”

I purse my lips and stare out the window, watching the snow-covered sidewalks as he drives as slow as a grandma.

“He’s mentioned seeing a specialist, but I’m comfortable with him and trust him.

All of the scans are coming back positively, no issues at all.

Both babies are measuring quite big, though.

He’s only mentioned that we might have to deliver early depending on how my body handles the last weeks, but he said probably around thirty-six weeks. ”

He grunts and keeps his focus on the road. “Well, you let me know if anything changes. Depending on the playoffs, I want to be around. I can stay here with you if you’re not comfortable moving back into the house.”

I scoff and shake my head. “Don’t make my brain explode, James. We’ve talked about this a million times. Alex lives there, she doesn’t want anyone else there. How would it look when you move a pregnant woman in, a woman she decidedly fucking hates?”

He shrugs and turns into the parking lot of the shopping center.

“I would figure it out. I’m here for you, just like you’ve always been here for me…

I’ve been speaking to realtors and have decided to sell the house anyway if you guys don’t want to move back in.

It can go on the market in a few weeks and I’ll start looking at smaller homes.

Maybe deep in the forest.” He smiles widely at me and I shake my head.

I personally can’t see him living out in some remote cabin. Sure, it might sound nice when you’ve basically been a celebrity for a few years, but he loves having neighbors. He loves cars, his massive home that he’s been proud of since the day we moved in.

I’m sure he just wants to move away and ‘into the forest’ only because the house feels lonely and empty without the girls.

I hum and slowly get out of the lifted truck, waiting for the girls to join so that we can shop ‘til I drop. If that’s what you want to call it. More like, see and grab with these two. Everything they find they’re going to toss in a cart.

We drop the baby and house conversation and head into the store.

The girls race off to the furniture section while James and I head over to the car seats and strollers.

I take pictures of the double stroller that comes with two car seats attached, I also pick out two more larger seats to keep at home for when they outgrow the infant ones.

We head over to the bassinets and cribs, finding Alyssa and Caroline already talking to an employee.

“Ah, I see they’ve already tracked you down,” I murmur and the guy looks over with a smile. He looks young, probably around eighteen.

“Yes ma’am. Sounds like they already had everything picked out. These two crib sets, these dressers, changing tables, rugs, and storage bins.” I chuckle and nod.

“Sounds good.”

He shrugs and starts scanning everything. “Have you chosen anything else out?” I nod and show him the photos of everything I picked out with James and he nods again. “Perfect. I’ll go scan those. Do you want free delivery? I have tomorrow afternoon open.”

I clear my throat and look over at the girls.

Alyssa squeals and jumps up and down. “Yes! That way we have time to paint the rooms.”

“Okay…” The guy looks between us and races off to the back where he can scan everything else I picked out.

“All right girls. What else do I need?”

We follow them around for what feels like hours. We have four carts filled by the end.

Diapers, wipes, clothes, blankets, burp cloths, bedding. Then the toys, baby shampoo, wash, and lotion… towels, swings, bottles, laundry detergent, and a breast pump.

Along with all of the furniture and everything else we picked, I’m afraid to see the total.

James moves me over to a bench in the front of the store and tells me to ‘stay’.

I glare at him and dig through my purse pulling out the gift card for this store and try to hand it to him.

He sends me a look, shaking his head. “Those for you, when you come shopping on your own or order online. You can stock up in diapers and wipes, get some more clothes, okay? Today I’ll cover everything. You deserve it.” He stalks off before I can reply and I watch him leave, my mouth agape.

I purse my lips as I recline back on the metal bench and shake my head to myself. I know that the girls are excited to be shopping, basically without a limit, but the guilt is starting to eat me alive.

Would he still be paying for all of this, trying so hard to get me to talk to him, if he knew the babies are his?

After we get home, we let the girls shove everything at the back of the living room, taking everything out of the nurseries from the party a few weeks ago and organizing it to be split up for baby boy or baby girl.

James said he had to get going, so the girls told him to come back over in the morning with paint supplies along with the paint colors they chose.

Then he left, heading back home to his girlfriend.

I still feel like I’m living an alternate reality.

How can he be so different when the four of us are alone, but a completely different man around Alex?

Or for her.

Everything is making my head spin, it’s too much too soon. I was prepared to do everything on my own, now here he is, swooping in to save the day, just like always. I miss him. I miss my best friend, my other half.

The man I’ve always and will always love.

I just feel like these past few weeks have been too good to be true. Since the gender reveal party, I’ve been answering his calls and texts.

He tells me all about his games that I haven’t made it to. I tell him all about the pregnancy, how I’m feeling and what shows I’ve been watching without him.

The sound and cadence of his voice usually lulls me to sleep when he calls at night. Or even early in the afternoon. Lately I can fall asleep at the drop of a dime.

I feel like I’m getting my hopes up that everything can go back to ‘normal’, yet, Alex is still in his life, and the girls and I are still here off of Maple Dr.

Maybe we just need to go no contact again for good. I’m sick of my heart feeling shattered.