Page 39 of BounBound By Scars

“Always cared, Leora. Just didn’t feel like dying today.” I smirked eyeing Delara.

Delara rolled her eyes but the sharpness in her voice was gone now.

After our little wedding planning session, Delara left Leora and me to sunbathe in the courtyard. We sprawled out on the lounge chairs by the pool, soaking in the late afternoon sun. For a while, there was only silence—just the distant hum of activity and the occasional bird overhead.

Then she spoke.

“Have you written it yet?”

The speech.

I groaned, eyes still closed. “I will, woman. Have some patience.”

Leora giggled, that soft, lilting sound that made her sound so damn content. She sighed a moment later, and I didn’t need to look at her to know she was smiling. She was genuinely happy. And I was genuinely envious.

“You know…” she began, her tone thoughtful. “I don’t understand. Why aren’t you with Kabir?”

My eyes snapped open, but I didn’t move. Her question pierced something I wasn’t prepared to examine out loud.

Whywasn’tI with him?

Because he didn’t want me? Because he rejected me?

I let out a breath and finally admitted, “I kissed him. And he rejected me, Leora.”

That made her sit up straight. “Wait—what?”

I rolled onto my side and propped myself up on one elbow. “It was… a while ago. Right after the Bitch blew up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I just kissed him.” My voice cracked slightly. “And he didn’t kiss me back.”

Leora blinked, mouth parting in disbelief. “He didn’t kiss you back?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Just sat there. Fumbled like an idiot. Later he said that he’d even wingman for me. I didn’t need him to do that.”

“How come you’re dating Bastian, then?”

My face twisted with embarrassment. Because that’s what this was—an embarrassing mess. “I went to Seb and asked if we could pretend to date. Thinking that would shake Kabir a bit.God,it sounds so fucking stupid.”

Leora looked like she was trying to process a glitch in the matrix. “So… you’re not really dating Seb?”

“Not really,” I mumbled. “It made sense at the time. I thought if I was around Seb more, I’d forget Kabir. Or maybe Kabir would… fuck! This is a mess. I created this mess.”

Leora stared. “Okay… so you’re not actually dating Seb.”

Was she broken?

“I’m not.” I hesitated. “Wait, I don’t know anymore. We were supposed to be pretending. But it doesn’t feel pretend all the time. Everything’s muddled. He flirts, I react. Then there’s this Grayson woman…”

She bit her bottom lip, thoughtful. “Amelia… I love you, so please hear me when I say this—don’t start something with Sebastian until the Kabir chapter is really closed. You’ll just end up hurting yourself. Or worse, both of them.”

I looked down at the edge of the chair, tracing a scratch in the wood. “I feel… rejected, Leora. And so damn dejected. I don’t think he wants me and this whole thing is all in my head.”

“Are you sure that’s it? Maybe he was just scared before?”

“I don’t know.” My voice was tight. “I really don’t.”

Leora reached over and squeezed my hand. “Then find out. But you do need to choose what you want, not what hurts less.”

We sat there a while longer, the air heavier than before. Eventually, she stood and kissed the top of my head.