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TWENTY-ONE

Hot and Bothered Book Club

Kinsley

I did a thing, and I need to tell someone about it.

June

Why am I scared?

Daisy

I’m not. GIF of woman eating popcorn

Kinsley

Remember at book club when we were talking about virginity auctions?

Holly

Yeah, there was a prince with a dick the size of Daisy’s pinky. What’s that got to do with… You better not be telling us what I think you are.

June

That’s not a real thing. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.

Daisy

Those sites get shut down all the time, but I assure you it’s real. My client is very reliable. She wouldn’t have lied about that.

Kinsley

I can tell you they are 100% real.

June

How do you know, Kinsley?

???????

Why are you not typing faster?

Kinsley

I might have sold my virginity.

June

Might?!?!?!

Daisy

You’re a virgin? For real? How is that possible? What year is it?

Holly

I have a whole new level of respect for you.

Kinsley

But I’m meeting this person tomorrow, and I really needed to tell someone. You know. Just in case.

June

Yeah, in case this person turns out to be an ax murderer. Or a kidnapper. What were you thinking? Do you know how many people go missing every year?

Daisy

I don’t think anyone murders people with axes anymore. This isn’t the early 1900s.

June

Well, that makes me feel so much better. Now I can sleep at night. I repeat—what were you thinking?

Holly

Calm down, Mom.

June

Kinsley

So long story short, Colin did get approved for cochlear implants, but my insurance doesn’t cover anything. I needed to be able to pay for it and his therapy after. There’s no way I’m going to let him go the rest of his life without the ability to hear if I can do something about it.

Daisy

That’s one hell of an early Christmas present.

June

And you didn’t think to ask for help?

Kinsley

That’s not the kind of money I can borrow. Or pay back.

This is my way of taking ownership of my body and making sure Colin is set. What’s the alternative? Giving it away to some loser like Brian who’s only going to break up with me a few weeks later in a coffee shop?

Holly

Fuck Brian. He’s a moron who doesn’t know what he’s missing.

Daisy

I bet he has a penis the size of my pinkie too.

Ava

Sorry, work is crazy but OMG. I’d never have the guts to do something like that. And I agree, #teamBriansucks

Kinsley

I also have another minor problem.

With my bosses.

Holly

So what’s the problem with the bossholes?

Kinsley

I’m currently making their dinner reservations. For tomorrow. At the same time I’m meeting this mystery man.

At the same hotel.

Daisy

Holly

Did you ask them to join?

Kinsley

No!! What if I see them on the way to the hotel room? Or worse. What if I see them after all rumpled and smelling like sex?

Holly

They’re full grown men. I’m pretty sure they’ve seen and done worse.

June

I think that’s the least of your worries GIF of woman holding knife

Daisy

That the closest thing you could find to an ax murderer?

Ava

Obviously, Kins is going to be texting us before and after so we know she’s safe.

Kinsley

Yes. That. And, June? Can Colin spend the night with Oliver?

June

Yes. But it doesn’t mean I support this decision.

Holly

I do.

Daisy

Me too.

Ava

#popthatcherry

Holly

#doingthedirty

Ava

#feelslikethefirsttime

Holly

#twominutesinheaven

Daisy

Hopefully it’s not a micro. And he’s not eighty.

Kinsley

Thanks for that. Not like I don’t have enough to worry about.

Daisy

On the plus side, if he is eighty, he might not be able to get it up. Then he can pay you to fuck yourself while he watches.

Ava

Daisy!

Kinsley

Who are you right now?

Daisy

Is that not better? At least she doesn’t have to fuck him. I’m trying to look at the bright side. Everyone likes to watch, right?

No?

You guys are lame.