Page 17

After their shower, Gavin wrapped a towel around his waist. Dakota had accepted the white terrycloth robe he’d offered, and his skin was pink and flushed from the water as he dried his hair with a towel.

Gavin wondered if there was any chance of getting him to spend the night. Or had he already pushed his luck too far? He was still mulling that over when they stepped into the bedroom. He’d taken Wade’s suggestions to heart but he had to be careful not to rush.

They both stared at the wreckage of discarded empty takeout containers, clothes, and tangled sheets.

“Well, I should probably help you clean up, then head home,” Dakota said, tone reluctant.

Gavin lifted an eyebrow. “You don’t have to do either. This won’t take long to clean up and there is dessert in the refrigerator.”

Dakota shot him a speculative look. “Are you using food to bribe me into staying longer?”

“Damn,” Gavin said ruefully. “You’ve learned my tricks.”

“Well, as far as tricks go, they’re not half-bad.”

“Does it help that I got matcha crème br?lée? I know you drink a lot of green tea.”

“It doesn’t hurt ,” Dakota said, playfully tugging at Gavin’s knotted towel to pull him in for a kiss.

Gavin grinned against his mouth. “Good to know.”

They worked together, and after the bedroom was tidy, the sheets were changed, and Gavin had stuck the dessert under the broiler to caramelize the sugar, he nodded toward the living room. “Want to eat in here? I was thinking we could watch a game while we eat.”

“A hockey game?”

Gavin grimaced. “Sorry. That may not be that exciting to you.”

Dakota shrugged. “No, it’s fine. I might ask a lot of dumb questions though. Like I get the exercise mechanics of the game, but I’m a little shaky on some of the rules. I’m still not sure I get what it means when they say they’re offside.”

“I’m happy to explain,” Gavin promised. Honestly, that sounded fun. Rory had found hockey boring.

When the caramelized sugar-topped custard was ready, Gavin turned Dakota loose with it and a spoon while he got the game set up. He didn’t really want to sit on the leather with a damp towel though, so he excused himself to change.

“You do know most of this will be gone by the time you get back, right?” Dakota asked, digging into the dessert for another scoop.

Gavin shrugged. “I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. Your ass is all the dessert I need.”

Dakota’s sputtering noise followed him into the bedroom.

When Gavin returned wearing pajama pants and no shirt, Dakota eyed him up and down. “Aren’t you going to get cold?”

“You can keep me warm,” Gavin said cheerfully. He sat next to Dakota, slinging an arm around his shoulder.

Dakota shot him a skeptical glance, but didn’t comment, just held out a spoon full of the matcha crème br?lée. Gavin let himself be fed, humming as he finished the bite.

“That is good. I’ve never had the green tea flavor, but I like it. It cuts through the richness of the custard.”

“Yeah, it’s spectacular. Where’d you get it?”

Gavin listed the name of the top sushi restaurant in Boston.

Dakota made a choking sound. “Shit, you really went all out tonight, huh? I’ve heard the guys on the team talking about that place but it’s way out of my price bracket.”

Gavin grinned. “No reason to settle for second best, especially when I had such a gorgeous canvas to work with.”

Dakota squinted at him. “Are you feeling okay? You seem … different tonight.”

“I’m in a great mood,” Gavin said honestly, then nodded at the TV. “Now, let’s see how Minnesota is playing.”

From the looks of the score and shot attempts, the answer was “not well.” Which wasn’t a huge surprise. They were also a struggling team. It had been at least six years since they’d made it to the playoffs.

“Why are we watching the Acorns?” Dakota asked, his tone curious. “I mean, I have nothing against the team but why them, specifically?”

“So, there’s a player I’m interested in acquiring. This is all hush-hush, obviously. We can’t have leaks getting out, but I trust you not to blab.”

Dakota gave him an oddly serious look. “You know I’d never?—”

“I do,” Gavin said, squeezing his shoulder. “I absolutely do.”

“So, which guy?”

“Number 68. Rafael Moon.”

“What position does he play?”

“Defense. I want to pair him up with Mouse.”

“You know, I will never get hockey nicknames,” Dakota said. He held out his spoon again, offering Gavin another bite. He took it, less because he wanted it than because he was enjoying this moment of ease with Dakota.

“Surely you had nicknames in soccer,” Gavin said with disbelief after he’d licked the spoon clean.

Dakota whacked the back of it on the small remaining section of caramelized sugar, making it crack. “I only played through high school, and I feel like we mostly went by our last names. Although pro football has a ton. What the rest of the world calls soccer, you know.”

Gavin snorted. “Yeah, I know.”

“But Mouse ?”

“You know, Mickey Krause. Mouse.”

Dakota shook his head but didn’t argue. “So this Rafael Moon guy. What makes you think he’d want to play for Boston?”

“Well,” Gavin said. “He’s openly queer, so there’s that.”

“There aren’t any queer players on Minnesota’s team?”

“No, there are. There are at least one or two on pretty much every team in the league, and that’s the ones we know of. There are probably more who aren’t particularly into broadcasting it, actually. And in this case, there is another player for Minnie. Logan Walker. The problem is, the two of them had a messy breakup recently.”

“Ahh, you’re thinking a fresh start for the Moon guy then, maybe.”

“Yes. And maybe I’m projecting here,” Gavin said with a shrug. “Because I sure as fuck can’t imagine working with my ex.”

Dakota remained silent, intently scraping the last of the remnants of the custard from the foil container.

“Speaking of exes …” Gavin said softly after Dakota had set the container and the spoon on the coffee table.

“What about him?” Dakota sounded wary and he stared straight out the windows at the lights of Boston, but he hadn’t gotten up, so that was a good sign, right?

“He did a number on you, didn’t he?” Gavin asked softly.

“Why do you say that?”

Oh, about a million and one little things, Gavin thought with a wry twist of his lips. But he didn’t want to say that aloud.

“It seems like—like you’re pretty wary of guys who take charge. Like it’s maybe more than a preference .”

Dakota sighed, relaxing back into the crook of Gavin’s arm. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Was he—was he abusive?” Gavin asked, his tone cautious.

“Oh.” Dakota released a breath. “Um, maybe in some ways. Controlling, definitely. It was never super clear-cut. You know, he didn’t hit me. He didn’t even say nasty stuff to me. It was … it was mostly this slow erosion of who I was, honestly.”

There was a roughness to his voice that Gavin hated, so he squeezed Dakota’s shoulder, then tangled his fingers in his hair, stroking through the soft, damp strands.

“You don’t have to talk about this, if you don’t want,” he offered, though a part of him really hoped Dakota would continue.

“We met when I was in college. He was a few years older than me, but not a lot older,” Dakota finally said.

“Not like me?” Gavin teased.

Dakota huffed softly. “No, not like you, old man.”

Gavin smiled. “So, you met this guy in college?”

“Bryce Palmer, yeah. He, uh, he worked at this yoga studio I went to all the time. We flirted for a while and then he asked me out. Things got hot and heavy quickly and it wasn’t long before we moved in together. My family was happy for me, you know? They liked him. Violet especially. At first.”

“And then …”

“And then I graduated and I was looking into getting a Masters degree in Kinesiology. I wanted to work as a physical therapist for a pro sports team.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Yeah, but Bryce, he wanted to own a studio and he wanted me to join him there. At first it was him encouraging me to get my certification as a yoga instructor. He framed it like—like it was something he was doing to help me. Grad school’s expensive and Seattle’s crazy expensive to live in and—and it was extra income for me and it all made sense, you know?”

Gavin continued to sift his hand through Dakota’s hair, a little surprised but pleased he was being so talkative. “Yeah, I get that.”

“So, I was saving up for grad school, when Bryce opened his own studio. He kept pressuring me to join him there. And you know, I do love yoga. It’s been so beneficial to me, and I see how it helps others, so it was pretty easy for me to put my own plans on the backburner. Besides, we were a couple. I thought—I thought I was being a good, supportive boyfriend by helping him invest. But then I had no money for school and he was desperate for instructors at the studio and … it wasn’t long before I was working full-time there and my original dream kept getting further out of reach.”

“That sucks.”

“It does.” Dakota sighed. “And like, maybe I wasn’t always happy with our sex life either, because he absolutely refused to ever switch things up, but overall we had this great life together, you know? We lived in a cute little place and we were running this successful studio, and we had all these great friends and …”

“And it wasn’t what you wanted?” Gavin guessed when Dakota fell silent.

“No, it wasn’t. He pushed me into the Pilates certification thing and we expanded the studio and then I was working even more hours and I was more miserable, and it was like I wasn’t even in control of my own life at all, anymore.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. By then, Violet had been pushing me for a while to end stuff with him and—” Dakota’s breath caught in his throat.

Gavin tugged gently at Dakota’s hair and his body softened a little. “And what?” he whispered.

“And I caught him kissing someone else.”

“Ahh fuck. All that and he was cheating on you?”

“He claimed he wasn’t. Said it was the first time it had happened. It had never gone further, all that bullshit.”

“You didn’t believe it?”

“I wanted to. But no. Not really. I got tested because I was scared shitless he’d exposed me to something, but thankfully everything came up negative.”

“Good.”

“So, I don’t know. I never really had proof one way or the other, but I assume, yeah, he was probably screwing around with a lot of other people behind my back.”

“Damn.”

Dakota nodded. “But Bryce apologized. Said it had been a mistake, a big misunderstanding. Coaxed me into taking him back. And then—and then six months later, he was gone. He’d run off with some guy and left me in the lurch. I had this studio that was half in my name and all this debt I’d never wanted in the first place and Bryce was … in the wind.”

“Fuck,” Gavin whispered.

“Yeah, it was rough. He took the money from our joint accounts and everything so I had to default on the loans. My credit was trashed and I had a shitload of debt I had to try to consolidate and … he broke my heart and wrecked me financially.”

“What a bastard,” Gavin said fervently.

“Yeah. Yeah, he was.”

“So you decided to move out to Boston after?”

“Yeah, Violet found me the position here and it—it felt like a fresh start, you know? Like I’d be able to get my feet under me again.”

“And have you?”

“I’m getting there. It’s slow going. I’ve still got a lot of debt to pay off but I’m chipping away at it and I like working for the team. I finally do feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be in my life at least. So that’s something.”

“It is,” Gavin agreed.

He wanted to look Dakota in the eye, but he wasn’t sure if he’d welcome it, or pull away completely so he held him close.

“What about you?” Dakota asked after a while. “I know there was some shit online about your divorce, but I never really know how accurate that stuff is.”

Gavin winced, the sound of the hockey game playing in the background the only noise in the apartment as he considered how to answer.

“I didn’t snoop much,” Dakota said hastily. “It came up when I was searching for stuff on the Harriers. Trying to figure out if this was a place I’d feel comfortable working, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that,” Gavin said. “Honestly, it’s fine.”

He really didn’t want to talk about Rory right now but maybe if he let himself get a little vulnerable too, that would make Dakota feel like things were a little more even.

Clearly, that had been a problem for him before.

After an experience like that, no wonder he was prickly and reluctant to trust anyone.

“Rory used me,” Gavin admitted. He laughed softly. “Honestly, I’ve never really said that part aloud before. I kept it vague when people asked. Said we’d ‘grown apart’. But the truth was, he fucking used me.”

“In what way?”

“Well, financially, for one. He, uh, he wanted to be arm candy. A pretty boy toy to a guy with a lot of money. And well, he got that. I gave him that life on a silver fucking platter.” Gavin’s tone was bitter.

“He didn’t love you?” Dakota sounded appalled.

He settled a hand on Gavin’s thigh and the weight of it was nice. Anchoring.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Gavin admitted. His voice came out a little raw because he’d contemplated that a lot and he still wasn’t sure. “Maybe in his own way? But I think in the end, he had a goal and he set his sights on me, and that was that. I don’t think falling in love was his … primary goal, so to speak.”

“Shit.”

“I mean, to each his own, I guess. But I—I did love him. Madly. I was so fucking smitten with him. He seemed so perfect, you know? He was young and handsome and he didn’t have any huge ambitions for his life. He was perfectly fine being a supportive spouse to my career. And that was appealing at the time, because fuck , you know what our schedules are like.”

“I do.” Dakota smoothed his thumb along Gavin’s thigh. “Yeah, I really do. And you have a hell of a lot more pressure on you than I do.”

“And Rory—he made it easy. He had his own friends and he went out and had fun with them when I was gone. And when I was home, he was there and the sex was—well, it was intense, to say the least.”

“He enjoyed your big dick energy?” Dakota teased.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Gavin agreed with a wry smile. Because goddamn had Rory begged for it. “We were so fucking compatible in bed and on paper that I kinda—I kinda missed the fact that it didn’t ever go deeper. It felt deeper, on my end at least, but I guess I was deluding myself about our marriage.”

“Damn, I’m sorry.” Dakota squeezed his arm.

“Thanks.” Gavin dragged a hand over his face, then returned to playing with Dakota’s hair. “It sucked. It really fucking sucked, you know? And I think there’s a place for a transactional relationship. I don’t give a shit what other people do. If you both want that, if it works for you, fucking go for it.”

“But Rory wasn’t upfront about it,” Dakota said.

“No, he wasn’t. It wasn’t like it was something we agreed to. And maybe it was me being na?ve, thinking a guy like him would actually want me for me.”

“Hey, no.” Dakota propped himself up on one elbow, looking Gavin in the eye, his hair a wild halo around his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re handsome, you’re incredible in bed, and you seem like a genuinely good guy. Who wouldn’t want that?”

Oh, a lot of people, Gavin thought wryly, but he shrugged.

“No, I’m serious.” Dakota frowned at him and it made such a funny contrast to the ridiculous look of his hair that Gavin fought back a smile. “Rory was the asshole here.”

“Oh, I made my share of mistakes too,” Gavin admitted. “I didn’t—I didn’t give him the time or attention he wanted. Look, we both know I’m a workaholic and if it’s a choice between closing a deal and coming home, I never think twice about putting the team first.”

“I get that,” Dakota said softly. “But he still should have been more upfront about what he expected.”

“He should have,” Gavin agreed.

“So what made you realize it wasn’t working anymore?”

“Oh, he left me. Packed his bags and posted some nasty things on social media that blew up everywhere.”

“Ugh.”

“Yeah, he blamed it on my job. On me being a shitty husband. That I’d let him down, made him feel alone. The ink was barely dry on the divorce papers before he was with someone else though. Someone even more well-off than I am, so …”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Gavin shot him a tight smile. “But, hey, two things can be true at once, right? He used me and I was a shitty husband.”

“I suppose.” Dakota frowned.

Gavin stretched. “So, that’s my story. You’re probably sorry you asked now.”

“I’m not,” Dakota said. “I am sorry your ex was a dick though.”

Gavin tugged lightly at Dakota’s hair. “I’m sorry yours was too. I think I got the better end of the deal.”

“Mmm. Maybe. I can’t decide if it was better or worse that Bryce said he loved me and still treated me that way.”

“It’s a good thing I didn’t know about him when we traveled to Seattle earlier this season,” Gavin admitted.

“What would you have done? Gone and beaten him up? No one could find him.”

“Yeah, well, if I could have hunted him down, I’d have fucking thought about it, that’s for damn sure.”

“I can fight my own battles.”

Gavin dragged his thumb across Dakota’s cheek. “I know. I don’t have any doubt of that.”

“But?”

But I feel protective of you , he thought, even though he knew it would be a mistake to say that aloud. He did say, “But maybe you deserve to have someone in your corner.”

“I had Violet.” There was a softness to Dakota’s voice now. “We’ve always had each other’s backs.”

“Good.” Gavin sighed. “I have to admit, I’m envious.”

“Of Violet and me?”

“Yeah. It seems like you’re really close.”

“We are.”

“I wish I had that with my brother,” he whispered and the words came out sounding a lot rawer than he’d meant. Then again, it had cut even deeper than what had happened with his ex-husband.

“You said you don’t understand why things are so bad with your brother.”

“Yes and no. I’m pretty sure I understand why. I just don’t know how to fucking fix it.”

“What have you tried?”

“Well, I got him a fucking job with the Harriers.”

“Have you ever attempted to actually talk about whatever it was that happened when you were teenagers?”

“A few times. It blows up in my face every time.”

“What about asking him to spend some time with you? What did you used to enjoy doing together?”

“Playing hockey.”

“Imagine that.” Dakota’s tone was dry.

Gavin shot him a half-smile. “I know, right?”

“Well, the holidays are coming up. What if you invited him to do something with you?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Maybe dinner on Christmas Day?”

“Maybe.” Gavin sighed. “Honestly, I was hoping you’d want to hole up with me for a few days during the break.”

“Uhh.” Dakota frowned. “Well, I have family stuff to do. I want to spend the holidays with Violet and Jeff and the kids.”

“Right. Of course. Honestly, forget I even suggested it. I don’t ever have plans, and I have the bad habit of assuming other people don’t either.”

“You don’t see your family?” Dakota sounded surprised.

“No.”

“You grew up in Pennsylvania, right?”

“Yeah. Outside of Pittsburgh.”

“That’s not that far …”

“My family doesn’t live there anymore. Honestly, they may be on the other side of the country. Hell, they could be living in Zimbabwe or Bhutan for all I know at this point. We—we haven’t spoken in years. I didn’t invite them to my wedding. Trust me, we don’t spend the holidays together. Haven’t for years.”

Gavin stood because he couldn’t sit here feeling sorry for himself any longer.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Dakota said, reaching out to take Gavin’s hand. “I didn’t mean to?—”

“I know.” Gavin’s expression was somber as he glanced back. “I know you didn’t. I—this is hard for me. Things with my family have been a mess for nearly two decades. It’s not gonna get solved overnight.”