Page 169 of Blood & Snow

We use it to stockpile guns, ammunition, and explosives.

Everything we need to wage war.

And war's exactly what I'm planning.

Markov thinks I'm being reckless.

He thinks I'm throwing away everything for a woman.

Maybe he's right.

But he doesn't understand that Nadya isn't an asset.

She's not a tool.

She's not disposable.

And she isn't just any woman.

She's the only person in fifteen years who's made me feel human.

And I'll burn Moscow to the ground before I let Arkady Sokolov take her from me.

NADYA

The doctor leaves and the blond man locks the door behind him.

I sit on the floor and press my hand to my stomach, trying to feel if there's anything different.

There's nothing—no flutter, no movement.

Just the nausea that won't stop and the exhaustion that lives in my bones.

I'm pregnant with Xander's child.

The thought actually terrifies me more than anything Arkady Sokolov could do.

Me, a mother?

I'm not ready for this, especially knowing that my child will be born to a hardened criminal who's part of a dangerous underground organization.

Death would be a better alternative to my fractured mind right now.

I can't provide for myself in this world and I can't protect a baby when a man like Xander is the father.

I can run but he'll find me.

If I slip his notice, he'll go after Irina and the children.

Though, I don't think Xander himself would harm them, but his boss—who the fuck knows what that man will do.

Alone, feeling so sick to my stomach, I rest my headagainst the cold concrete behind me and let tears roll down my cheeks.

Finally they come in torrential waves.

Fear for myself, my situation, and my family is like a tempest buffeting my mind constantly.